Rédaction/Oklahoma
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Message de pinsou posté le 14-07-2016 à 12:14:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde !
Alors voilà je suis nouvelle sur le site et je voulais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider ou me dire si ma rédaction est correcte s'il vous plait?
Merci pour vos réponses.
Le sujet s'intitule : "A teenager from Oklahoma fleeing the Dust Bowl in the 1930s with his/her family has just arrived in California. He/she writes a letter back to friend in Oklahoma about: the journey, hopes of a new life, regrets about the past."
June, 14th 1932
Dear Jon,
I hope you get this letter and I do pray you are doing well in spite of the terrible Dust Bowl.
I am sorry for not telling you before about our departure, but we had no choice: three men of the bank came one morning to thrown us out our farm telling us that it didn’t belong to us any more! My parents tried to convince them but finally gave up because the soil didn’t produce sufficient crops to live decently. It was very difficult for us to leave our farm and all our memories. My parents decided to go to California hoping to find a work and have a better life.
My family and I have just arrived in Los Angeles after a very long and tiring journey: we had to cross Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona before arriving to California!
We took my grandfather’s car which was used as a vehicle during the day and as a house the night. I continue to be surprised that the car didn’t break down: you should see it sagging under our mattress and supply of food and water! My mother was always stressed by any strange noise or movement!
Despite the length of our adventure, the heat and the difficult life conditions in the car, the journey was beautiful: I discovered many different and beautiful landscapes. I keep especially very good memories of Arizona because I saw the Grand Canyon about which my Uncle Peter so frequently spoke when we were children: I couldn’t imagine myself how it could be so deep! I was terrified and at the same time fascinated by the greatness of the Grand Canyon, I wish you had been here to see it… Then we headed to the river of the Colorado and after crossing the Mojave Desert we finally reached California.
California is a very beautiful city, everything seems easy and people look happy. We have been here only for two days but we immediately found a job as picker in Mister Adamson’s Farm. He is really nice and now we have a home and a reasonable salary. We talked about your family and Mister Adamson said that he would be happy to welcome you in his farm!
I am looking forward to seeing you and your family soon in California!
Your faithful friend,
Ruthie Joad
Si vous pouviez me dire si ma rédaction est compréhensible, s'il y a pas trop de fautes ce serait génial !!!
Merci beaucoup !!!
Pinsou
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-07-2016 14:06
Pas de majuscule inutile sur le forum.
Message de pinsou posté le 14-07-2016 à 12:14:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde !
Alors voilà je suis nouvelle sur le site et je voulais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider ou me dire si ma rédaction est correcte s'il vous plait?
Merci pour vos réponses.
Le sujet s'intitule : "A teenager from Oklahoma fleeing the Dust Bowl in the 1930s with his/her family has just arrived in California. He/she writes a letter back to friend in Oklahoma about: the journey, hopes of a new life, regrets about the past."
June, 14th 1932
Dear Jon,
I hope you get this letter and I do pray you are doing well in spite of the terrible Dust Bowl.
I am sorry for not telling you before about our departure, but we had no choice: three men of the bank came one morning to thrown us out our farm telling us that it didn’t belong to us any more! My parents tried to convince them but finally gave up because the soil didn’t produce sufficient crops to live decently. It was very difficult for us to leave our farm and all our memories. My parents decided to go to California hoping to find a work and have a better life.
My family and I have just arrived in Los Angeles after a very long and tiring journey: we had to cross Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona before arriving to California!
We took my grandfather’s car which was used as a vehicle during the day and as a house the night. I continue to be surprised that the car didn’t break down: you should see it sagging under our mattress and supply of food and water! My mother was always stressed by any strange noise or movement!
Despite the length of our adventure, the heat and the difficult life conditions in the car, the journey was beautiful: I discovered many different and beautiful landscapes. I keep especially very good memories of Arizona because I saw the Grand Canyon about which my Uncle Peter so frequently spoke when we were children: I couldn’t imagine myself how it could be so deep! I was terrified and at the same time fascinated by the greatness of the Grand Canyon, I wish you had been here to see it… Then we headed to the river of the Colorado and after crossing the Mojave Desert we finally reached California.
California is a very beautiful city, everything seems easy and people look happy. We have been here only for two days but we immediately found a job as picker in Mister Adamson’s Farm. He is really nice and now we have a home and a reasonable salary. We talked about your family and Mister Adamson said that he would be happy to welcome you in his farm!
I am looking forward to seeing you and your family soon in California!
Your faithful friend,
Ruthie Joad
Si vous pouviez me dire si ma rédaction est compréhensible, s'il y a pas trop de fautes ce serait génial !!!
Merci beaucoup !!!
Pinsou
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-07-2016 14:06
Pas de majuscule inutile sur le forum. Réponse : Rédaction/Oklahoma de bluestar, postée le 14-07-2016 à 14:05:31 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Dear Jon,
I hope you get this letter and I do pray you are doing well in spite of the terrible Dust Bowl.
I am sorry for not telling you before about our departure, but we had no choice: three men of the bank ('bank officials' serait mieux) came one morning to thrown (il faut l'infinitif ici)us out of our farm telling us that it didn’t belong to us any more! My parents tried to convince them but finally gave up because the soil didn’t produce sufficient crops to live decently. It was very difficult for us to leave our farm and all our memories. My parents decided to go to California hoping to find a work and have a better life.
My family and I have just arrived in Los Angeles after a very long and tiring journey: we had to cross Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona before arriving to California!
We took my grandfather’s car which was used as a vehicle during the day and as a house the night. I continue to be surprised that the car didn’t break down: you should see it sagging under our mattress and supply of food and water! My mother was always stressed by any strange noise or movement!
Despite the length of our adventure, the heat and the difficult life conditions in the car, the journey was beautiful: I discovered many different and beautiful landscapes. I keep especially very good memories of Arizona because I saw the Grand Canyon about which my Uncle Peter so frequently spoke when we were children: I couldn’t imagine myself how it could be so deep! I was terrified and at the same time fascinated by the greatness of the Grand Canyon, I wish you had been here to see it… Then we headed to the river of the Colorado (Colorado river) and after crossing the Mojave Desert we finally reached California.
(le Mojave est en California)California is a very beautiful city,
everything seems easy and people look happy. We have been here only for two days but we immediately found a job as picker(pluriel) in Mister Adamson’s Farm. He is really nice and now we have a home and a reasonable salary. We talked about your family and Mister Adamson said that he would be happy to welcome you in(autre preposition) his farm!I am looking forward to seeing you and your family soon in California!
Your faithful friend,
Ruthie Joad
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