Biographie/John Lennon

Biographie/John Lennon
Message de zacharie2010 posté le 28-04-2016 à 20:07:37 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
J'ai réalisé une courte biographie sur John Lennon, voici mon premier brouillon.Pouvez-vous le corriger s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance pour vos conseils.

John Lennon was born in the 9 October 1940, in Liverpool. After the war, he grew up with his uncle and his aunt in suburbs of Liverpool (street Penny Lane) because his parents were separated. He has been traumatized by his mother's death in 1958.
He loved drawing and painting so he went to the Liverpool Art College, he didn't study in musical school.
When he discovered the music of Elvis Presley, he loved it. He began his career at the age of 16. In 1960, he created a musical group “The Beatles” with Paul McCartney he met in the Liverpool Art College.
In 1969, he married Yoko Ono, she was a Japanese actress, they had one son.
In 1970 the group “The Beatles” broke up. After the group, he composed his songs alone, exclusively pop music.
His songs the most well-known are: “Imagine”, “Let it Be”, “Instant Karma”, “Give peace a chance” and “Jealous guy”.
Later he and his wife were peace activists, they were advocated of nonviolence. He stooped his career of musician in 1975. In the 8 December 1980, in New York, he was assassinated by a madman, Mark David Chapman.

Bonne soirée
Zacharie

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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-04-2016 20:19

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Réponse: Biographie/John Lennon de gerondif, postée le 28-04-2016 à 22:15:31 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

John Lennon was born in the 9 October 1940(on the ninth of October, nineteen forty), in Liverpool. After the war, he grew up with his uncle and his aunt in the suburbs of Liverpool (in Penny Lane street ) because his parents were separated. He has been(prétérit car action datée) traumatized by his mother's death in 1958.
He loved drawing and painting so he went to the Liverpool Art College, he didn't study in musical school.
When he discovered the music of Elvis Presley, he loved it. He began his career at the age of 16. In 1960, he created a musical group “The Beatles” with Paul McCartney whom he met in the Liverpool Art College.
In 1969, he married Yoko Ono, she was a Japanese actress, they had one son.
In 1970 the group “The Beatles” broke up. After the group broke up, he composed his songs alone, exclusively pop music.
His songs the most well-known( alors good et well ont comme superlatif best, ça donne donc "best-known" à mettre derrière his et devant songs) are: “Imagine”, “Let it Be”, “Instant Karma”, “Give peace a chance” and “Jealous guy”.
Later he and his wife were peace activists, they were advocated(mettez le nom, ou alors conjuguez le verbe to advocate) of nonviolence. He stopped his career of musician in 1975. On the 8th of December 1980, in New York, he was assassinated by a madman, Mark David Chapman.

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Réponse: Biographie/John Lennon de zacharie2010, postée le 29-04-2016 à 08:03:47 (S | E)

Bonjour,
Avant tout merci pour votre réponse, voici ma version corrigée.
John Lennon was born on the ninth of October, nineteen forty, in Liverpool. After the war, he grew up with his uncle and his aunt in the suburbs of Liverpool (in Penny Lane street) because his parents were separated. He traumatized by his mother's death in 1958.
He loved drawing and painting so he went to the Liverpool Art College, he didn't study in musical school.
When he discovered the music of Elvis Presley, he loved it. He began his career at the age of 16. In 1960, he created a musical group “The Beatles” with Paul McCartney whom he met in the Liverpool Art College.
In 1969, he married Yoko Ono, she was a Japanese actress, they had one son.
In 1970 the group “The Beatles” broke up. After the group broke up, he composed his songs alone, exclusively pop music.
His best-known songs are: “Imagine”, “Let it Be”, “Instant Karma”, “Give peace a chance” and “Jealous guy”.
Later he and his wife were peace activists, they were advocates of nonviolence. He stopped his career of musician in 1975. On the 8th of December 1980, in New York, he was assassinated by a madman, Mark David Chapman.

Bonne journée
Zacharie

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Réponse: Biographie/John Lennon de gerondif, postée le 29-04-2016 à 12:44:54 (S | E)
Bonjour,

John Lennon was born on the ninth of October, nineteen forty, in Liverpool. After the war, he grew up with his uncle and his aunt in the suburbs of Liverpool (in Penny Lane street) because his parents were separated. He *** (auxiliaire être au prétérit: il fut traumatisé par)traumatized by his mother's death in 1958.
He loved drawing and painting so he went to the Liverpool Art College, he didn't study in a musical school.
When he discovered the music of Elvis Presley, he loved it. He began his career at the age of 16. In 1960, he created a musical group “The Beatles” with Paul McCartney whom he met in the Liverpool Art College.
In 1969, he married Yoko Ono, she was a Japanese actress, they had one son.
In 1970 the group “The Beatles” broke up. After the group broke up (split up pour ne pas répéter), he composed his songs alone, exclusively pop music.
His best-known songs are: “Imagine”, “Let it Be”, “Instant Karma”, “Give peace a chance” and “Jealous guy”.
Later he and his wife were peace activists, they were advocates of nonviolence. He stopped his career of as a musician in 1975. On the 8th of December 1980, in New York, he was assassinated by a madman, Mark David Chapman.

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