Aide/correction texte

Aide/correction texte
Message de vealoysia posté le 14-04-2016 à 10:55:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
voici une partie de mon dossier d'oral pour le Bac, est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait m'indiquer s'il y a des fautes ou des phrases mal tournées.
Merci pour vos réponses.
[...]
So here is my definition of the notion : a period where mentality change resulting in editing of habits and the way of life.
I will get straight to my question : How the sixties have upset the society codes ?
First of all I will introduce the music in the sixties, then we'll see the new trend with a fashion icon. Finally, I will show you some memories of the sixties.
[...]
We studied an interview where people speak about their memories of this era. We learn that it becomes a consumer society with a technological improvement. The counterculture allows a new economy, culture with drugs, and the sexual revolution. The availability of the contraceptive pills came to symbolize a new freedom for women. The feminist in those times decided to fight not only for their individual reigns but also for something called equal pay act. It was an interesting and a difficult period because when the young raised some conflict they were many protest movements. They manifested by the culture of hippies during the Woodstock Festival in 1969 for exemple.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-04-2016 11:09

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Réponse: Aide/correction texte de sherry48, postée le 16-04-2016 à 15:21:42 (S | E)
Hello.
So here is my definition of the notion : a period where mentality change resulting in editing(not normally used in this context-find a synonym) (of) habits and the way of life.
I will get straight to my question : How the sixties have upset the society (possessive) codes ? (Use proper question format).
First of all I will introduce the music in/of the sixties, then we'll see the new trend with a fashion icon. Finally, I will show you some memories of the sixties.
[...]
We studied an interview where people speak about their memories of this era. We learn__ that it becomes a consumer society with a technological improvement.(You could reorganize this). The counterculture allows (Past tense, but perhaps a different verb) a new economy,a culture with drugs,(you can use drug as an adjective) and the sexual revolution. The availability of the contraceptive pills came to symbolize (a) new freedom for women. The feminists in those times decided to fight not only for their individual reigns but also for something called the equal pay act. It was an interesting and a difficult period because when the young (Young is usually used as an adjective with a noun.) raised some conflict they were many protest movements. They ___ manifested by the culture of hippies (You can use hippie as an adjective) during the Woodstock Festival in 1969, for exemple.

If you post your corrections, we can take another look at it.
Sherry

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Réponse: Aide/correction texte de vealoysia, postée le 18-04-2016 à 09:42:11 (S | E)
Thank you very much,here is my correction:

So here is my definition of the notion: a period where mentality evolves resulting in transforming of habits and way of life.
I will get straight to my question : How can the sixties have upset society codes ?

We studied an interview where people speak about their memories of this era. We learnt that with technological improvement, it becomes a consumer society. The counterculture permits a new economy, a culture with drugs, and the sexual reigns. The availability of the contraceptive pills came to symbolize a new freedom for women. The feminist in those times decided to fight not only for their individual reigns but also for something called the equal pay act. It was an interesting and difficult period because when the young people raised some conflict they were many protest movements. They were manifested by the hippies culture during the Woodstock Festival in 1969 for example.

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Réponse: Aide/correction texte de sherry48, postée le 18-04-2016 à 16:44:30 (S | E)
Hello. You have made some improvements. I have indicated places I think you can still improve.
So here is my definition of the notion: a period where mentality evolves resulting in transforming (You could consider using the noun form here) of habits and way of life.
I will get straight to my question : How can the sixties have upset society codes? When you use can with have in a question, it gives the sense of incredulity...it would be better with the correct form of the verb to have.
We studied an interview where people speak about their memories of this era. We learnt that with technological improvement, it becomes a consumer society. The counterculture permits a new economy, a culture with drugs, and the sexual revolution. The availability of the contraceptive pills came to symbolize a new freedom for women. The feminists in those times decided to fight not only for their individual reigns(incorrect word) but also for something called the equal pay act. It was an interesting and difficult period because when the young people raised some conflict they were many protest movements. They were manifested by the hippies(not they!) culture during the Woodstock Festival in 1969 for example.
Sherry

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