Essai/crowdfunding
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Message de leslie37 posté le 09-04-2016 à 18:06:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais savoir ce que vous pensez de mon essai sur le crowfunding ainsi que de mes fautes. Avez-vous des conseils pour améliorer mon expression?
Merci pour vos réponses.
The technology era gave rise to innovations that revolutionnazed the economic sphere. Crowdfunding can be useful to entrepreneurs but at the same time it can also be used for corruption or ominious goals.
Crowdfunding considerably allow entrepreneurs to achieve their bluprints and thus to spur economy. Encouragingly, it is also a way to grant dreams to dreamers, for instance the handicapped people who need funds to improve their living conditions and above all their health. Nonetheless, ill-disposed people can manipulate the funders to carry out dangerous plots. That's the reason why it can lead people to do bad things as showing a picture of a hurt child to get money for bad purposes.
I would give money for projets only when I will be enough aware of what is it about. Sadly, I can't make sur of everything so I don't have the choice. Giving funds to new entrepreneurs would spur economy and make someone's dreams come true.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-04-2016 18:07
Message de leslie37 posté le 09-04-2016 à 18:06:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais savoir ce que vous pensez de mon essai sur le crowfunding ainsi que de mes fautes. Avez-vous des conseils pour améliorer mon expression?
Merci pour vos réponses.
The technology era gave rise to innovations that revolutionnazed the economic sphere. Crowdfunding can be useful to entrepreneurs but at the same time it can also be used for corruption or ominious goals.
Crowdfunding considerably allow entrepreneurs to achieve their bluprints and thus to spur economy. Encouragingly, it is also a way to grant dreams to dreamers, for instance the handicapped people who need funds to improve their living conditions and above all their health. Nonetheless, ill-disposed people can manipulate the funders to carry out dangerous plots. That's the reason why it can lead people to do bad things as showing a picture of a hurt child to get money for bad purposes.
I would give money for projets only when I will be enough aware of what is it about. Sadly, I can't make sur of everything so I don't have the choice. Giving funds to new entrepreneurs would spur economy and make someone's dreams come true.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-04-2016 18:07
Réponse: Essai/crowdfunding de gerondif, postée le 10-04-2016 à 16:26:03 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
The technology era gave rise(plutôt gave birth) to innovations that revolutionnazed the economic sphere. Crowdfunding can be useful to entrepreneurs but at the same time it can also be used for corruption or ominious goals.
Crowdfunding considerably(pas adéquat comme adverbe: on autorise quelqu'un à accroître considérablement ceci ou cela, l'adverbe ne peut pas modifier le verbe autoriser) allow (le s du présent simple!) entrepreneurs to achieve their blueprints and thus to spur the economy. Encouragingly, it is also a way to grant dreams to dreamers, for instance the handicapped people who need funds to improve their living conditions and above all their health. Nonetheless, ill-disposed people can manipulate the funders to carry out dangerous plots. That's the reason why it can lead people to do bad things as(as, c'est comme au sens de en temps que alors que like signifie comme dans un sens de comparaison ou d'exemple) showing a picture of a hurt (an injured child) child to get money for bad purposes.
I would give money for projets only when I will be enough aware(le futur est faux, il faut un présent, aware ne va pas, vous voulez dire être sûre que ?) of what is it about. Sadly, I can't make sur(ne convient pas) of everything so I don't have the choice. Giving funds to new entrepreneurs would spur the economy and make someone's dreams come true. (Cette dernière phrase est plaquée là et on se demande comment elle peut être reliée à ce qui précède)
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