Meurtre / New York
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Message de jkim posté le 20-01-2016 à 07:45:33 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
on m'a demandé de faire un projet à l'oral où je dois présenter une scène de crime en anglais . Je voudrais savoir si vous comprenez l'histoire que j'ai écrite afin que je me corrige .
Merci aux personnes qui m'aideront.
Context: inspector Linda Smith had a meeting planned at the following address: the street of Bronx in New York in front of the phone box number 9 .
Detail of the event: (Linda Smith's death)
On Tuesday January 20th, 2015, inspector Linda Smith was found dead in the Path of Bronx in a phone box.
The body has been found by a jogger who has prevented the police at about 10:00 pm..
The Witnesses also saw the scene of the crime but ran away having heard the shot
One of the witnesses which observed attentively the scene says to have seen a person who fired at the inspector.
The person carried a very long black coat going to its legs. She also held a black umbrella of the right hand and a pistoletde the left hand.
However, he could not distinguish the silhouette because he was very distant and he made very dark.
When the police arrived on the scene of the crime, they secured the place.
We notice that Linda was shot dead: we can see an impact on the window of the phone box.
On the scene of the crime:
- the victim was lengthened on the ground and we have tracks of blood.
However before to death the victim has put the arm on her heart.
searching her coat , we found his paper note .
the murder weapon was not found on the scene crime
The pieces of evidences:
- in her pocket , her mobile with SMS sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting
- a cigarette
- in her pad of note , she was investigating into a traffic of drug.
She mentioned one or a suspect not identify but she was not certain, for lack of plausible proofs.
Her forensic scientist advised her then to rest and to be close with her family.
The results of the survey and the autopsey :
After the autopsy of the victim, we know that it is a pistol Glock 18 which the criminal used.
It is an easily handy light weapon by a woman and men .
tracks of borrow of foot of woman of size 35 who apartienne to the second suspect
- a cigarette containing the DNA of saliva of the first suspect
A mobile with borrow them of the victim, we found in the mobile of the SMS that she sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting .
The suspects :
The first suspect is Yanis Réné Corail, a son of the boss of the police.
He is a single man and with no job .
He is a guitarist and a member of a rock band.
He smokes regularly and is left-handed.
He measures 1 m 70 and his size is 35.
The second suspect is Sarah Corner, secretary of the victim.
She is divorced
She is right-handed and doesn't smoke.
She measures 1 m 64 and her size of size is 35.
The third suspect is Evan Arisib.
It 's a married man, he smokes and was close to the victim.
It 's the regular doctor of the victim but also her psychiatrist.
He measures 1m75 and his size of size is 45.
It is a left-handed person.
Why they are suspect(suspicious)?
Yanis is suspect because we found a cigarette which belonged to him on the scene of the crime.
He hated officiating him who had arrested hima large number of time for criminal record.
Sarah corner is suspect too because we found the track of her sizes of shoes.
Of always cold nature, the inspector always laughed at her because she was not married and was disordely.
She even asserted in the past " someday you will die and I would take your place "
Finally, one suspect Evan Arisib because the latter had to meet the victim, but did not come on the scene of the crime.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-01-2016 08:14
Message de jkim posté le 20-01-2016 à 07:45:33 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
on m'a demandé de faire un projet à l'oral où je dois présenter une scène de crime en anglais . Je voudrais savoir si vous comprenez l'histoire que j'ai écrite afin que je me corrige .
Merci aux personnes qui m'aideront.
Context: inspector Linda Smith had a meeting planned at the following address: the street of Bronx in New York in front of the phone box number 9 .
Detail of the event: (Linda Smith's death)
On Tuesday January 20th, 2015, inspector Linda Smith was found dead in the Path of Bronx in a phone box.
The body has been found by a jogger who has prevented the police at about 10:00 pm..
The Witnesses also saw the scene of the crime but ran away having heard the shot
One of the witnesses which observed attentively the scene says to have seen a person who fired at the inspector.
The person carried a very long black coat going to its legs. She also held a black umbrella of the right hand and a pistoletde the left hand.
However, he could not distinguish the silhouette because he was very distant and he made very dark.
When the police arrived on the scene of the crime, they secured the place.
We notice that Linda was shot dead: we can see an impact on the window of the phone box.
On the scene of the crime:
- the victim was lengthened on the ground and we have tracks of blood.
However before to death the victim has put the arm on her heart.
searching her coat , we found his paper note .
the murder weapon was not found on the scene crime
The pieces of evidences:
- in her pocket , her mobile with SMS sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting
- a cigarette
- in her pad of note , she was investigating into a traffic of drug.
She mentioned one or a suspect not identify but she was not certain, for lack of plausible proofs.
Her forensic scientist advised her then to rest and to be close with her family.
The results of the survey and the autopsey :
After the autopsy of the victim, we know that it is a pistol Glock 18 which the criminal used.
It is an easily handy light weapon by a woman and men .
tracks of borrow of foot of woman of size 35 who apartienne to the second suspect
- a cigarette containing the DNA of saliva of the first suspect
A mobile with borrow them of the victim, we found in the mobile of the SMS that she sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting .
The suspects :
The first suspect is Yanis Réné Corail, a son of the boss of the police.
He is a single man and with no job .
He is a guitarist and a member of a rock band.
He smokes regularly and is left-handed.
He measures 1 m 70 and his size is 35.
The second suspect is Sarah Corner, secretary of the victim.
She is divorced
She is right-handed and doesn't smoke.
She measures 1 m 64 and her size of size is 35.
The third suspect is Evan Arisib.
It 's a married man, he smokes and was close to the victim.
It 's the regular doctor of the victim but also her psychiatrist.
He measures 1m75 and his size of size is 45.
It is a left-handed person.
Why they are suspect(suspicious)?
Yanis is suspect because we found a cigarette which belonged to him on the scene of the crime.
He hated officiating him who had arrested hima large number of time for criminal record.
Sarah corner is suspect too because we found the track of her sizes of shoes.
Of always cold nature, the inspector always laughed at her because she was not married and was disordely.
She even asserted in the past " someday you will die and I would take your place "
Finally, one suspect Evan Arisib because the latter had to meet the victim, but did not come on the scene of the crime.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-01-2016 08:14
Réponse: Meurtre / New York de gerondif, postée le 20-01-2016 à 12:14:54 (S | E)
Bonjour,
on "comprend" l'histoire parce que c'est du français traduit et donc par transparence, ça passe. Je pense qu'une partie de votre travail vient d'un traducteur automatique qui ne traduit pas les mots mal orthographiés, ce qui fait qu'on trouve dans votre texte "pistoletde" et "apartiene". Ensuite, on a plein de choses amusantes comme tracks (la piste, l'empreinte du pneu sur la route) pour dire traces of blood. La personne est "étendue" au sol mais lenghtened signifie allongée au sens de étirée, rendue plus grande comme quand vous rallongez une corde. To borrow, c'est emprunter quelque chose ou de l'argent mais chez vous, ça devient une empreinte, vous avez dû écrire "emprunte" et le traducteur s'engouffre alors dans borrow.
Vous avez aussi dû écrire: "un jour tu mourras et je prendrais (au lieu du futur prendrai) ta place", pour que la machine mette un conditionnel:" someday you will die and I would take your place "
Un certain nombre de phrases n'ont pas de sens: size of size: la taille de la taille
It is an easily handy light weapon by a woman and men .c'est une arme légère facilement pratique par une femme et des hommes....
Il y aura du travail pour que les phrases élaborées aient un sens, le traducteur s'en sort sur les phrases courtes et simples.
erreurs en bleu
Context: inspector Linda Smith had a meeting planned at the following address: the street of Bronx in New York in front of
Detail of the event: (Linda Smith's death)
On Tuesday January 20th, 2015, inspector Linda Smith was found dead in the Path of Bronx in a phone box.
The body has been (prétérit)found by a jogger who has prevented(= empêché) the police at about 10:00 pm..
The Witnesses also saw the scene of the crime but ran away having heard the shot
One of the witnesses which observed attentively the scene says to have seen a person who fired at the inspector.
The person carried(transporter à bout de bras) a very long black coat going to its legs. She also held a black umbrella of the right hand and a pistoletde the left hand.
However, he could not distinguish the silhouette because he was very distant and he made very dark.(ah, il "faisait" très noir)
When the police arrived on the scene of the crime, they secured the place.
We notice that Linda was shot dead: we can see an impact on the window of the phone box.
On the scene of the crime:
- the victim was lengthened on the ground and we have tracks of blood.
However before to death the victim has put(prétérit) the arm (le bras, pas la main?) on her heart.
searching her coat , we found his paper note(his = à lui. her = à elle notebook = calepin carnet) .
the murder weapon was not found on the scene crime
The pieces of evidences:
- in her pocket , her mobile phone with an SMS sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting
- a cigarette
- in her pad of note , she was investigating into a traffic of drug.
She mentioned one or a(sens?) suspect not identify but she was not certain, for lack of plausible proofs.
Her forensic scientist advised her then to rest and to be close with her family.
The results of the survey and the autopsey :
After the autopsy of the victim, we know that it is a Glock 18 pistol which the criminal used.
It is an easily handy light weapon(verbe) by a woman and men .
tracks of borrow of foot of woman of size 35 who apartienne to the second suspect
- a cigarette containing the DNA of saliva of the first suspect
A mobile with borrow them of the victim, we found in the mobile of the SMS that she sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting .
The suspects :
The first suspect is Yanis Réné Corail, a son of the boss of the police.
He is a single man and with no job .
He is a guitarist and a member of a rock band.
He smokes regularly and is left-handed.
He measures 1 m 70 and his shoe-size is 35.
The second suspect is Sarah Corner, secretary of the victim.
She is divorced
She is right-handed and doesn't smoke.
She measures 1 m 64 and her size of size is 35.
The third suspect is Evan Arisib.
It 's a married man, he smokes and was close to the victim.
It 's the regular doctor of the victim but also her psychiatrist.
He measures 1m75 and his size of size is 45.
It is a left-handed person.
Why they are suspect(suspicious = soupçonneux))(c'est typique d'un traducteur que de laisser des choix)ici, c'était suspect?
Yanis is suspect because we found a cigarette which belonged to him on the scene of the crime.
He hated officiating (sens??) him (est un homme) who had arrested him a large number of time for criminal record.
Sarah corner is suspect too because we found the track of her sizes of shoes.(la trace de sa pointure de chaussure)
Of always cold nature, the inspector always laughed at her because she was not married and was disorderly.
She even asserted in the past " someday you will die and I would take your place "
Finally, one suspect Evan Arisib because the latter had to (devait rencontrer, mais pas au sens était obligé de mais était censé, supposé, donc was supposed to) meet the victim, but did not come on the scene of the crime.
Réponse: Meurtre / New York de jkim, postée le 20-01-2016 à 17:56:16 (S | E)
Bonjour merci de m'avoir corrigé !
En effet , j'ai bien utilisé des traducteurs pour chercher des vocabulaires que je ne connaissais pas . Cela m'a aussi permit de voir d'un mauvaise usage les erreurs des correcteurs . J'ai donc du chercher dans un dictionnaire pour les sens des mots .
Toutefois , me conseillez-vous à l'avenir de d'abord écrire une histoire en français puis la traduire en anglais ou bien de penser directement et écrire en anglais ?( En sachant que je ne parle pas couramment anglais )
Context of the enquiry : Inspector Linda Smith had a meeting planned at the following address : the street of Bronx in New York in front of phone box number 9 .
Detail of the event : Linda's Smith death
On Tuesday January 20th, 2015, inspector Linda Smith was found dead in the street of Bronx in a phone box.
The body had found by a jogger who has called the police at about 10:00 pm.
The witnesses also saw the scene of the crime but they ran away after hearing gunshots .
One of the witnesses who observed attentively the scene says to has saw a person who fired at the inspector.
The person was dressed with a long black coat which come up to her legs . She also held a black umbrella in the right hand and a gun in the left hand.
However, he couldn't distinguish the silhouette because he was apart and the place was gloomy.
When the police arrived on the scene of the crime, they secured the place.
We notice that Linda was shot dead: we can see an impact on the window of the phone box.
On the scene of the crime:
- the victim was lying on the ground and we have blood trail
However before death the victim put her on her heart.
Searching her coat , we found her notebook but the murder weapon was not found on the scene crime .
The pieces of evidences:
- in her pocket , her mobile with an SMS sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting
- a cigarette
- in her notebook , she was investigating into a traffic of drug.
She mentioned one suspect not identify but she was not certain, for lack of plausible proofs.
Her forensic scientist advised her then to rest and to be close with her family.
The results of the survey and the autopsy :
After the autopsy of the victim, we know the type of gun which the criminal used . It's a Glock 18 pistol , Full auto 9mm(type d'arme à feu ) It is an easily handy light weapon can be employ by a woman .
-woman's shoe prints , shoe size 35 who belongs to the second suspect
- a cigarette containing the DNA of saliva of the first suspect
A mobile with the fingerprints of the victim, we found in the mobile of the SMS that she sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting .
The suspects :
The first suspect is Yanis Rene Corail, a son of the police's boss .
He is a single man and with no job .
He is a guitarist and a member of a rock band.
He smokes regularly and is left-handed.
He measures 1 m 70 and his shoe-shoes is 35. He is a left-handed person.
The second suspect is Sarah Corner, secretary of the victim.
She is divorced
She is right-handed and doesn't smoke.
She measures 1 m 64 and her shoes-shoes is 35.
She is right-handed person
The third suspect is Evan Arisib.
He is a married man, he smokes and was close to the victim.
He's the regular doctor of the victim but also her psychiatrist.
He measures 1m75 and his size of size is 45.
He is a left-handed person.
Why they are suspect ?
Yanis is suspect because we found a cigarette which belonged to him on the scene of the crime.
He hated her because the inspector Linda Smith had arrested him a large number of time for criminal record.
Sarah corner is suspect too because we found the track of her sizes of shoes.
Always unpleasant mood , the inspector always laughed at her because she was not married and was disorderly.
She even asserted in the past " someday you will die and I will take your place "
Finally, one suspect Evan Arisib because the latter was supposed to) meet the victim, but did not come on the scene of crime.
Réponse: Meurtre / New York de gerondif, postée le 21-01-2016 à 10:53:19 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
Context of the enquiry : Inspector Linda Smith had a meeting planned at the following address : the street of A street in the Bronx Bronx in New York in front of phone box number 9 .
Detail of the event : Linda's Smith death
On Tuesday January 20th, 2015, inspector Linda Smith was found dead in the street of Bronx in a phone box.
The body had found by a jogger who
The witnesses also saw the scene of the crime but they ran away after hearing gunshots .
One of the witnesses who observed attentively the scene says
The person was dressed with a long black coat which come up toreaching down to her(ah, vous donnez un indice, c'était une femme) legs . She also held a black umbrella in the (her) right hand and a gun in the (her) left hand.
However, he couldn't distinguish the silhouette because he was apartfar away and the place was gloomy.
When the police arrived on the scene of the crime, they secured the place.
We notice that Linda was shot dead: we can see an impact on the window of the phone box.
On the scene of the crime:
- the victim was lying on the ground and we have a blood trail (une traînée, donc on l'a traînée au sol)
However before death the victim put her(her quoi?) on her heart.
Searching her coat , we found her notebook but the murder weapon was not found on the scene crime . (à l'envers)
The pieces of evidences: (evidence n'a pas de forme plurielle)
- in her pocket , her mobile-phone with an SMS sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting
- a cigarette
- in her notebook , she was investigating into a traffic of drug(faire un mot composé).
She mentioned one suspect not identify (faire l'adjectif épithète non identifié) but she was not certain, for lack of plausible proofs.
Her forensic scientist advised her then to rest and to be close with to her family.
The results of the survey and the autopsy :
After the autopsy of the victim, we know the type of gun which the criminal used . It's a Glock 18 pistol , Full auto 9mm. It is an
(en fait non, le Glock 18 est un quasi pistolet- mitrailleur assez gros:
Capacité du chargeur : 17/19/31/33 cartouches
Masse de l'arme avec un chargeur vide : .
Glock 18 : 700 g
Glock 18 C : 670 g
Masse de l'arme avec un chargeur plein :
Glock 18 : 900 (17 coups) à 1 180 g (33 coups)
Glock 18 C : 875 g (17 coups) à 1 150 g (33 coups)
(le Glock 26 dit "baby glock" aurait mieux convenu. Le plus utilisé semble être le 19)
-woman's shoe prints , shoe size 35 who belongs to the second suspect
- a cigarette containing the DNA of saliva of the first suspect
A mobile with the fingerprints of the victim, we found in the mobile of the SMS that she sent to her forensic scientist for the place of the meeting .
The suspects :
The first suspect is Yanis Rene Corail, a son of the police's boss .
He is a single man and with no job .
He is a guitarist and a member of a rock band.
He smokes regularly and is left-handed.
He measures 1 m 70 and his shoe-shoes is 35. He is a left-handed person.
The second suspect is Sarah Corner, secretary of the victim.
She is divorced
She is right-handed and doesn't smoke.
She measures 1 m 64 and her shoes-shoes is 35.
She is a right-handed person
The third suspect is Evan Arisib.
He is a married man, he smokes and was close to the victim.
He's the regular doctor of the victim but also her psychiatrist.
He measures 1m75 and his size of size is 45.
He is a left-handed person.
Why they are suspect ?
Yanis is suspect because we found a cigarette which belonged to him on the scene of the crime.
He hated her because the inspector Linda Smith had arrested him a large number of times for criminal record. (sens?)
Sarah Corner is suspect too because we found the track of her sizes of shoes.
Always bad-tempered
She even asserted in the past " someday you will die and I will take your place "
Finally, one suspect Evan Arisib because the latter was supposed to meet the victim, but did not come on the scene of crime.
-------------------
Modifié par gerondif le 21-01-2016 13:10
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