Correction/Obésité
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Message de messi1987 posté le 09-12-2015 à 09:30:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais avoir votre aide dans la correction de mon texte.Je sais très bien que mon texte est plein de fautes,veuillez m'excuser d'avance.
Merci pour vos réponses.
le sujet est :state the main causes of obesity ,its dangers and how to control it.
The obesity is the accumulation of abnormal or excessive fat could damage health .
Among the multiple causes that lead to obesity,
The primary reason,is an energy imbalance between calories that enter the body and calories burned.
The second ,physical inactivity is leading risk factors for for death worldwide.the obesity can causes multiples diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, cancer and diabetes.
thirdly,many individuals have a genetic predispositions that may lead to obesity.
to control the obesity ,it's regulary recommanded to all patients with obesity should take a check-up .another recommanded action is to take phyiscal activity it can help to lose weight
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-12-2015 10:08
Message de messi1987 posté le 09-12-2015 à 09:30:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais avoir votre aide dans la correction de mon texte.Je sais très bien que mon texte est plein de fautes,veuillez m'excuser d'avance.
Merci pour vos réponses.
le sujet est :state the main causes of obesity ,its dangers and how to control it.
The obesity is the accumulation of abnormal or excessive fat could damage health .
Among the multiple causes that lead to obesity,
The primary reason,is an energy imbalance between calories that enter the body and calories burned.
The second ,physical inactivity is leading risk factors for for death worldwide.the obesity can causes multiples diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, cancer and diabetes.
thirdly,many individuals have a genetic predispositions that may lead to obesity.
to control the obesity ,it's regulary recommanded to all patients with obesity should take a check-up .another recommanded action is to take phyiscal activity it can help to lose weight
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-12-2015 10:08
Réponse: Correction/Obésité de here4u, postée le 09-12-2015 à 19:09:02 (S | E)
Hello !
The obesity is the accumulation of abnormal or excessive fat; it could(why are you using the past?) damage XXXXX health .
Among the multiple causes that lead to obesity,(pourquoi aller à la ligne?)
(?)Ne pas oublier de corriger la ponctuation et de mettre les majuscules où nécessaire! The primary reason,is an energy imbalance between calories that enter the body and calories burned.
The second ,physical inactivity is
leading risk factors for for death worldwide.the obesity can causes multiples diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, cancer and diabetes.thirdly,many individuals have a genetic predispositions that may lead to obesity.
to control the obesity ,it's regulary recommanded to all patients with obesity should take a check-up(revoir toute la construction!) .another recommanded action is to take phyiscal activity it can help to lose weight.
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