Introduce myself/Correction

Introduce myself/Correction
Message de audrey0628 posté le 23-08-2015 à 15:17:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un niveau débutante. Il y a certaines choses de base que j'ai un peu oubliées.
J'ai donc rédigé un texte de présentation, pour m'entraîner. Pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger mes erreurs?
Concernant le métier je ne suis pas du tout sûr de la traduction (Préparatrice de commandes pour un site internet qui vend des produits de beauté par correspondance)
Merci

First, I'd like to introduce myself.
I was born on June 28 1980. I'm not married, I have no kids. I've got one sister (she's 2 years older) and one brother (he's 31).
I live in a small town in East France.
But that town is a little bit boring: there are not a lot of things to do.
I also lived in Canada for 2 years.
I dream of living in the USA, because I like that country very much, I also like the culture, the music....It's such a nice country !
I'd like to visit Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York and the Grand Canyon : it's so beautiful !
I'm an order picker for a website which sells beauty cosmetics by mail-order. It's a pretty good job.
When I have some free time I listen to the music (I'm a hudge fan of Eminem, he's such a great artist), I go shopping, I improve my English (I like that language so much!), I take care of my cat (I'm crazy about cats!), and I watch movies...
About my personality I would say that I'm calm, honest, helpful, frank but sometimes I'm bad-tempered and I'm a bit shy with people I don't know. I don't like hyprocritical people.
I also like to spend time with some friends but I sometimes, I like to stay alone.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-08-2015 15:28

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Réponse: Introduce myself/Correction de here4u, postée le 25-08-2015 à 13:38:24 (S | E)
Hello!

Here you are...

First, I'd like to introduce myself.
I was born on June 28th 1980. I'm not married,(I'm single) I have no kids. I've got(I have a sister) one sister (she's(who's) 2 years older) and one brother (he's 31).
I live in a small town in XXX East XX France.
But that town is a little (bit) boring: there are not a lot of things to do.
I also lived in Canada for 2 years.
I dream of living in the USA, because I like that country very much, I also like the culture, the music....It's such a nice country !
I'd like to visit Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York and the Grand Canyon : it's so beautiful !
I'm an order picker for a website which sells beauty cosmetics by mail-order. It's a pretty good job.
When I have some free time I listen to (the ; this one isn't determined!) music (I'm a hudge fan of Eminem, he's such a great artist), I go shopping, I improve my English (I like that language so much!), I take care of my cat (I'm crazy about cats!), and I watch movies...
About my personality I would say that I'm calm, honest, helpful, frank but sometimes (I'm) bad-tempered and I'm a bit shy with people I don't know. I don't like hyprocritical people.
I also like to spend time with some friends but I sometimes, I like to stay alone.

This isn't (by far...) a beginner's work! When I first read it, I had seen a few mistakes, which have been corrected... Now, it's still a bit clumsy at times! but quite good ...

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Réponse: Introduce myself/Correction de audrey0628, postée le 25-08-2015 à 14:01:10 (S | E)
Thank you for your help

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