Correction/Writer
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Message de mila34 posté le 30-04-2015 à 13:25:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je suis en 3eme et à l'oral je dois faire comme si j'étais un auteur de livres célèbre à l'époque victorienne, venu se présenter et présenter son dernier livre à des élèves.J'ai écrit un texte mais je pense qu'il contient des fautes. Est-ce que quelqu'un aurait la gentillesse de le corriger s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance.
My name is Paul Wood. I'm a writer. I was born on January 8th, in 1824 in Cambridge.
I studied literature at university. When I published my first book, I was an unknown. I was 25 years old but I started writing when I was a teenager.
I am the author of 12 novels, 8 plays and 5 trials.
I've always loved telling stories mostly related to childhood. I 'm trying to raise awareness of the plight of children through my books. This is a topic that is particularly close to my heart.
Today I am here to present my latest book. Its title is "The Revenge".
I had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who have experienced a somewhat similar story. I was inspired by its history but I adapted to write this book.
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents the stake of this story.
The hero of my book is Peter. It’s a young orphan who lived in London streets. He polished people's shoes to earn some money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him in his manor house to take care of his horses. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve this decision because Peter will become the principal heir of Lord Graham. Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident arrived. Lord Graham died of a fall on horseback. The Lord Graham brother’s sent Peter to a boarding school without ever visiting him. He got m the entire inheritance. During all these years Peter was badly treated at the boarding school. He will be released at twenty one years old. He will have only one idea in his mind, take his revenge… but how will he do? If you want to know how Peter will avenge this unscrupulous man then, read the book!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2015 13:37
Message de mila34 posté le 30-04-2015 à 13:25:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je suis en 3eme et à l'oral je dois faire comme si j'étais un auteur de livres célèbre à l'époque victorienne, venu se présenter et présenter son dernier livre à des élèves.J'ai écrit un texte mais je pense qu'il contient des fautes. Est-ce que quelqu'un aurait la gentillesse de le corriger s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance.
My name is Paul Wood. I'm a writer. I was born on January 8th, in 1824 in Cambridge.
I studied literature at university. When I published my first book, I was an unknown. I was 25 years old but I started writing when I was a teenager.
I am the author of 12 novels, 8 plays and 5 trials.
I've always loved telling stories mostly related to childhood. I 'm trying to raise awareness of the plight of children through my books. This is a topic that is particularly close to my heart.
Today I am here to present my latest book. Its title is "The Revenge".
I had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who have experienced a somewhat similar story. I was inspired by its history but I adapted to write this book.
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents the stake of this story.
The hero of my book is Peter. It’s a young orphan who lived in London streets. He polished people's shoes to earn some money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him in his manor house to take care of his horses. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve this decision because Peter will become the principal heir of Lord Graham. Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident arrived. Lord Graham died of a fall on horseback. The Lord Graham brother’s sent Peter to a boarding school without ever visiting him. He got m the entire inheritance. During all these years Peter was badly treated at the boarding school. He will be released at twenty one years old. He will have only one idea in his mind, take his revenge… but how will he do? If you want to know how Peter will avenge this unscrupulous man then, read the book!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2015 13:37
Réponse: Correction/Writer de notrepere, postée le 30-04-2015 à 14:32:12 (S | E)
BonjourI had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who have experienced a somewhat similar story (1). I was inspired by its history but I adapted (the story in order)to write this book.
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents the stake of this story (2).
(1) Il faut choisir un autre mot. On ne peut pas 'experience a story' en anglais.
(2) Cet extrait n'a auncun sens. Peut-être vous voulez dire : 'represents what is at stake in the story'
The hero of my book is Peter. It’s (3) a young orphan who lived in London streets (4). He polished people's shoes to earn some money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him in his manor house(5) to take care of his horses. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve of(6) this decision because Peter will become the principal heir of Lord Graham (7). Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident happened. Lord Graham died of a fall on horseback (8).
(3) Peter, est-il un 'it'?
(4) Il faut tourner la phrase autrement, par exemple : who lived on the streets of London
(5) Mal placé ; on peut dire "He hired him to take care of his horses AT his manor house"
(6) On dit 'approve of something/someone' ; 'approve something' a un sens différent
(7) will become Lord Graham's principle heir
(8) Cet extrait n'a aucun sens ; he was "on horeseback" when he had a fall, he died from a fall off a horse.
(9) temps
Réponse: Correction/Writer de gerondif, postée le 30-04-2015 à 15:10:18 (S | E)
Bonjour,
bon niveau pour une troisième!
Quelques corrections supplémentaires à ce qu'a déja démontré notrepère.
My name is Paul Wood. I'm a writer. I was born on January 8th, in 1824 in Cambridge.
I studied literature at university. When I published my first book, I was an(à supprimer) unknown. I was 25 years old but I started writing when I was a teenager.
I am the author of 12 novels, 8 plays and 5 trials(vous vouliez dire "essays"? en littérature ?.
I've always loved telling stories mostly related to childhood. I 'm trying to raise awareness of the plight of children through my books. This is a topic that is particularly close to my heart.
Today I am here to present my latest book. Its title is "The Revenge".
I had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who have(j'aurais mis un plus que parfait, antériorité, qui avaient eu cette expérience) experienced a somewhat similar story. I was inspired by its history (vous parlez de l'histoire de l'orphelinat ou de l'histoire des enfants, their story ?) but I adapted to write this book.
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents the stake (the gist?) of this story.
The hero of my book is Peter. It’s a young orphan who lived in London streets. He polished (verbe correct, pas d'erreur mais connaissez-vous "he used to polish" qui donne un aspect suranné au verbe?)people's shoes to earn some money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him in his manor house to take care of his horses. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve of this decision because Peter will(là j'appliquerais la concordance des temps: parce qu'il deviendrait son héritier, conditionnel donc) become the principal heir of Lord Graham. Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident arrived. Lord Graham died of a fall on horseback (voyez la correction de np, et en tournant sa phrase à l'envers, he fell off his horse and died).
Alors ici, on a une rupture. Pourquoi pas? c'est possible, sinon, il faudrait mettre du prétérit sur release et have, et attaquer le futur sur How will he do it? Connaissez vous la formule ? He was to be released 21 years later, souvent utilisée dans les biographies ? ) He will be released at twenty one years old. He will have only one idea in his mind, take his revenge… but how will he do it? If you want to know how Peter will avenge(non, il prend sa revanche sur (to take one's revenge on) this unscrupulous man then, read the book!
voilà ce que donne le dictionnaire en ligne pour avenge:
avenge /əˈvendʒ/
avenge [sth] vtr (take revenge for sthg) venger⇒ vtr
He lives only to avenge the murder of his family.
Il ne vit que pour venger le meurtre de sa famille.
avenge [sb] vtr (take revenge for [sb]) venger qqn de qch vtr
She avenged her husband for the ruin his partners brought him.
Elle avait vengé son mari du gouffre financier dans lequel ses partenaires l'avaient poussé.
Réponse: Correction/Writer de mila34, postée le 30-04-2015 à 16:04:30 (S | E)
bonjour et merci d'avoir pris le temps de me répondre.J'ai corrigé mes erreurs pensez vous que tout est ok SVP?
My name is Paul Wood. I'm a writer. I was born on January 8th, in 1824 in Cambridge.
I studied literature at university. When I published my first book, I was an unknown .I was 25 years old but I started writing when I was a teenager.
I am the author of 12 novels, 8 plays and 5 trials.
I've always loved telling stories mostly related to childhood. I 'm trying to raise awareness of the plight of children through my books. This is a topic that is particularly close to my heart.
Today I am here to present my latest book. Its title is "The Revenge".
I had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who have experienced a somewhat similar life. I was inspired by its history but I adapted the story in order to write this book.
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents what is at stake in the story.(je veux dire que le manoir représente l'enjeu du livre)
The hero of my book is Peter. he's a young orphan who lived on the streets of London. He polished people's shoes to earn some money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him to take care of his horses at his manor house. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve of this decision because Peter will become Lord Graham's principal heir. Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident happened.He was on horseback when he had a fall, he died from a fall off a horse. Lord Graham brother’s sent Peter to a boarding school without ever visiting him. He got the entire inheritance. During all these years Peter was badly treated at the boarding school. He will becomme free at twenty one years old. He will have only one idea in his mind, take his revenge… but how will he do it? If you want to know how Peter will avenge this unscrupulous man then, read the book!
Réponse: Correction/Writer de mila34, postée le 30-04-2015 à 16:42:04 (S | E)
bonjour Gerondif et merci de m'avoir corrigé.Je n'avais pas vu votre réponse avant de poster le message précédent j'ai donc fait de nouvelles modifications
My name is Paul Wood. I'm a writer. I was born on January 8th, in 1824 in Cambridge.
I studied literature at university. When I published my first book, I was unknown .I was 25 years old but I started writing when I was a teenager.
I am the author of 12 novels, 8 plays and 5 trials.( je veux dire éssai en littérature)
I've always loved telling stories mostly related to childhood. I 'm trying to raise awareness of the plight of children through my books. This is a topic that is particularly close to my heart.
Today I am here to present my latest book. Its title is "The Revenge".
I had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who had experienced a somewhat similar life. I was inspired by their story but I adapted the story in order to write this book.(je veux dire que je me suis inspiré de leurs histoires mais je les ai adaptés pour écrire le livre)
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents what is at stake in the story.(je veux dire que le manoir représente l'enjeu du livre)
The hero of my book is Peter. he's a young orphan who lived on the streets of London. He polished people's shoes to earn some money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him to take care of his horses at his manor house. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve of this decision because Peter would become Lord Graham's principal heir. Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident happened.He was on horseback when he had a fall, he died from a fall off a horse. Lord Graham brother’s sent Peter to a boarding school without ever visiting him. He got the entire inheritance. During all these years Peter was badly treated at the boarding school. He will becomme free at twenty one years old. He will have only one idea in his mind, take his revenge… but how will he do it? If you want to know how Peter will take revenge this unscrupulous man then, read the book!
Réponse: Correction/Writer de gerondif, postée le 30-04-2015 à 17:09:32 (S | E)
Hello,
My name is Paul Wood. I'm a writer. I was born on January 8th, in 1824 in Cambridge.
I studied literature at university. When I published my first book, I was unknown .I was 25 years old but I (had already)started writing when I was a teenager.
I am the author of 12 novels, 8 plays and 5 trials.( je veux dire éssai en littérature, donc essays)
I've always loved telling stories mostly related to childhood. I 'm trying to raise awareness of the plight of children through my books. This is a topic that is particularly close to my heart.
Today I am here to present my latest book. Its title is "The Revenge".
I had the idea for the book when I visited an orphanage where I met children who had experienced a somewhat similar life. I was inspired by their story but I adapted the story in order to write this book.
I chose to put the picture of a mansion on the cover because it represents what is at stake in the story.(je veux dire que le manoir représente l'enjeu du livre)
The hero of my book is Peter. he's a young orphan who lived on the streets of London. He polished people's shoes to earn some(correct mais académique, on dit to make money , ou to make a living, gagner sa vie, gagner sa "croûte") money. One day he met a man, Lord Graham. He hired him to take care of his horses at his manor house. Over time, Lord Graham became very attached to this child. He loved him as(comme en comparaison, like , ou comme dans le sens de en tant que ? I speak to you as a teacher!) his own son. He decided to adopt him but his brother, Edward, didn’t approve of this decision because Peter would then become Lord Graham's principal heir. Unfortunately for the young boy, a terrible accident happened.He was on horseback when he had a fall, he died from a fall off a horse (répétition!). Lord Graham brother’s sent Peter to a boarding school without ever visiting him. He got the entire inheritance. During all these years Peter was badly treated at the boarding school. He will becomme free at twenty one years old. He will have only one idea in his mind, to take his revenge… but how will he do it? If you want to know how Peter will take his revenge on this unscrupulous man then, read the book!
Réponse: Correction/Writer de mila34, postée le 30-04-2015 à 18:19:18 (S | E)
OK je vais corriger ces erreurs. Merci beaucoup de votre aide, vous m'avez bien aidé.J'aurai une bonne note grâce à vous!!
Bonne fin de journée. A bientôt.
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