Synthèse /correction
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Message de beat121 posté le 19-04-2015 à 17:35:36 (S | E | F)
Hello !
I wrote a paragraph for my oral, and I wanted to know if anyone could help me correcting it or give me some advice to improve it please ! Thank you for any reply.
Here it is :
PGD, a procedure called pre-implantation genetic diagnosis is seen as a scientific breakthrough which is revolutionary in so far as it can help eradicate certain diseases and also to ask for choose physical characteristics. Indeed The document 'Design your baby' talks about a girl named Molly who was the first child to be cured thanks to PGD. She was cured in 2000 thanks to a bone marrow transplant from her brother Adam. Adam was a medicine baby whose purpose was to save his sister. It showed that such an innovative scientific breakthrough can improve life expectancy and have outstanding results when it comes to healing severe diseases.
A second procedure invented by doctor French Anderson, the most remarkable scientist at the time, which pioneered the biggest evolution in modern medicine in traffic genetic diseases by inserting healing genes into the patient. He managed to cure a girl named Ashi, which immune system didn't work properly, she had a faulty gene. The technique used is named Gene therapy.
Therefore sciences and researches can constitute a progress in so far as they can cure severe illnesses and prolong the life of weaker beings.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-04-2015 18:02
Message de beat121 posté le 19-04-2015 à 17:35:36 (S | E | F)
Hello !
I wrote a paragraph for my oral, and I wanted to know if anyone could help me correcting it or give me some advice to improve it please ! Thank you for any reply.
Here it is :
PGD, a procedure called pre-implantation genetic diagnosis is seen as a scientific breakthrough which is revolutionary in so far as it can help eradicate certain diseases and also to ask for choose physical characteristics. Indeed The document 'Design your baby' talks about a girl named Molly who was the first child to be cured thanks to PGD. She was cured in 2000 thanks to a bone marrow transplant from her brother Adam. Adam was a medicine baby whose purpose was to save his sister. It showed that such an innovative scientific breakthrough can improve life expectancy and have outstanding results when it comes to healing severe diseases.
A second procedure invented by doctor French Anderson, the most remarkable scientist at the time, which pioneered the biggest evolution in modern medicine in traffic genetic diseases by inserting healing genes into the patient. He managed to cure a girl named Ashi, which immune system didn't work properly, she had a faulty gene. The technique used is named Gene therapy.
Therefore sciences and researches can constitute a progress in so far as they can cure severe illnesses and prolong the life of weaker beings.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-04-2015 18:02
Réponse: Synthèse /correction de violet91, postée le 19-04-2015 à 18:05:22 (S | E)
Hello,
I wrote a paragraph for my oral, and i(majuscule) wanted to know if anyone( someone, rather) could help me correcting it or giving me some advices( zéro pluriel) to improve it please !
Here it is :
PGD, a procedure called pre-implantation genetic (majuscules dans votre préparation) diagnosis is seen as a scientific breakthrough which is revolutionary in so far as it can help eradicate certain diseases and also to ask for choose ( gerund)physical characteristics. Indeed The document 'Design your baby' talks ( autre verbe : traiter de )about a girl named Molly who was the first child to be cured thanks to PGD. She was cured in 2000,( punctuation) thanks to a bone marrow transplant from her brother Adam. Adam was a medicine baby whose purpose was to save his sister. It showed( et montre) that such an innovative scientific breakthrough can improve life expectancy and have outstanding results when it comes to healing severe diseases.
A second procedure invented by X ( nationalité)doctor French Anderson, the most remarkable scientist at the time, which pioneered the biggest evolution in modern medicine in traffic ( ???)genetic diseases by inserting healing genes into the patient. He managed to cure a girl named Ashi, which immune system didn't work properly, she had a faulty gene. The technique used is named Gene therapy. Therefore sciences and researches (sg) can constitute a progress in so far as they can cure severe illnesses and prolong the life (peut passer au pluriel) of weaker beings.
* Que voulez-vous dire ? Aussi longtemps que ..?
Hope this can help you.
Réponse: Synthèse /correction de beat121, postée le 21-04-2015 à 18:32:18 (S | E)
Thank you for your correction !! It also helped me to correct the other part of my work
I don't know what 'in so far' really means it's just that my teacher uses it a lot and it sounded good in my sentences, so i wrote it
Do gerund means gérondif? Should i write for choosing instead of for choose?
Anyway I did a little change, with your correction, on my work,is it better?
PGD, a procedure called Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis is seen as a scientific breakthrough which is revolutionary in so far as it can help eradicate certain diseases and also to ask for choosing physical characteristics. It is illustrated in the document 'Design your baby' which deals about a girl named Molly who was the first child to be cured thanks to PGD. She was cured in 2000 thanks to a bone marrow transplant from her brother Adam. Adam was a medicine baby whose purpose was to save his sister. It showed that such an innovative scientific breakthrough can improve life expectancy and have outstanding results when it comes to healing severe diseases.
A second procedure created by the american doctor French Anderson who has been hailed as one of the most remarkable scientists of our time. He pioneered what came to be the biggest revolution in modern medicine: treating genetic disease by inserting healthy genes into patients. It’s called “gene therapy”. In 1990, Anderson treated his first patient, 4-year-old Ashi DeSilva. She had a faulty gene. That meant that her immune system didn’t work properly
Therefore science and research can constitute a progress in so far as they can cure severe illnesses and prolong lives of weaker beings.
Thank you for any reply
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