Correction/Mail

Correction/Mail
Message de happymia posté le 20-02-2015 à 18:46:48 (S | E | F)
Hello,
J'ai un mail de 150 mots à rédiger pour la rentrée.Pouvez-vous, s'il vous plaît le corriger ? Merci beaucoup d'avance !

From : ....
Sent : Friday, 16 February, 2015 7:48 PM
To : ...
Subject : Problemes causes by new technology
Dear Julien,

It has been a long time since I last saw you. People thinks that thanks for new technology they communicate easily with their family or their friends everywere in the world. However this is false. Unfortunely, people were isolate like me and you. Indeed this is one year that i don't see you with your wife. I miss you and I miss really humain contacts which no longer exist because of the new social network such as LinkedIn, Facebook , Snapchat, Twitter, MySpace or Bebo. Everywere I see people hypnotize by their phone. Indeed all the time they Facebooking and MaceSpacing. Networking site prevents people to meet other wonderful people. Damn it ! They should to react. Life became sad like this. I hope to have convinced you. Finally I hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself.
Yours sincerely. I look forward to hearing from you.

PS : Please give my regards to your wife.
You friend, Mia

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Modifié par lucile83 le 20-02-2015 22:52

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Réponse: Correction/Mail de here4u, postée le 20-02-2015 à 23:36:57 (S | E)
Hello !

From : ....
Sent : Friday, 16 February, 2015 7:48 PM
To : ...
Subject : Problemes causes by new technology
Dear Julien,

It has been a long time since I last saw you. People thinks that thanks for new technology they communicate easily with their family or their friends everywere in the world. However this is false. Unfortunely, people were (??? why the past, here?) isolate like me and you. Indeed this is one year that i don't see you with your wife. I miss you and I miss really humain contacts (word order) which no longer exist because of the new social network such as LinkedIn, Facebook , Snapchat, Twitter, MySpace or Bebo. Everywere I see people hypnotize by their phone. Indeed all the time they XXX Facebooking and MaceSpacing. Networking siteS prevents people to meet(constr) other wonderful people. Damn it ! They should to react. Life became sad like this. I hope to have convinced you. Finally I hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself.
Yours sincerely. I look forward to hearing from you.

PS : Please give my regards to your wife.
You friend, Mia

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Réponse: Correction/Mail de happymia, postée le 21-02-2015 à 13:39:53 (S | E)
From : .... 
Sent : Friday, 16 February, 2015 7:48 PM
To : ...
Subject : Problemes caused by new technologies

Hello
Merci infiniment pour la correction de mon mail. =)

Dear Julien,

It has been a long time since I last saw you. People think that thanks to new technology they communicate easily with their family or their friends everywere in the world. However this is false. Unfortunely, people are  isolated like me and you. Indeed it's been a long time since we last meet you and your wife. I miss you and I really miss humain contacts which no longer exist because of the new social network such as LinkedIn, Facebook , Snapchat, Twitter, MySpace or Bebo. Everywere I see people hypnotized by their phones. Indeed all the time they are Facebooking and MaceSpacing. Networking sites prevents face to face interaction. Damn it ! They should react. Life became sad like this. I hope I have convinced you. Finally I hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself. 
Yours sincerely. I look forward to hearing from you. 

PS : Please give my regards to your wife.
Your friend, Mia

Thank you!

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Réponse: Correction/Mail de here4u, postée le 21-02-2015 à 15:11:01 (S | E)
Hello ! Much better !

Dear Julien,

It has been a long time since I last saw you. People think that thanks to new technology they communicate easily with their family or their friends everywere in the world. However this is false. Unfortunely, people are isolated like me and you. Indeed it's been a long time since we last meet you and your wife. I miss you and I really miss humain contacts which no longer exist because of the new social networkS such as LinkedIn, Facebook , Snapchat, Twitter, MySpace or Bebo. Everywere I see people hypnotized by their phones. Indeed all the time they are Facebooking and MaceSpacing. Networking sites prevents face to face interaction. Damn it ! ((incorrect!) They should react. Life became sad like this.(???) I hope I have convinced you. Finally I hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself.(s'ils sont 2 = yourselves!)
Yours sincerely. I look forward to hearing from you.

PS : Please give my regards to your wife.
Your friend, Mia

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Réponse: Correction/Mail de happymia, postée le 21-02-2015 à 15:43:28 (S | E)
Merci pour la correction

Dear Julien,
It has been a long time since I last saw you. People think that thanks to new technology they communicate easily with their [families] or their friends everywere in the world. However this is false. Unfortunely, people are isolated like me and you. Indeed it's been a long time since we last [met] you and your wife. I miss you and I really miss [human] contacts which no longer exist because of the new social [networks] such as LinkedIn, Facebook , Snapchat, Twitter, MySpace or Bebo. Everywere I see people hypnotized by their phones. Indeed all the time they are Facebooking and MaceSpacing. Networking sites [prevent ]face to face interaction. [Damn]! They should react. [Life becomes sad.] I hope I have convinced you. Finally I hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourselves.
Yours sincerely. I look forward to hearing from you. 

PS : Please give my regards to your wife.
Your friend, Mia

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Réponse: Correction/Mail de happymia, postée le 22-02-2015 à 16:53:26 (S | E)
Hello, petit up !

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