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Message de persona posté le 29-10-2014 à 19:31:59 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Please,let me know about my mistakes.
Thank you for any reply.
Colin get down of the underground (subway) , then get back up (climb back up) he stairs. He surfaced (emerged) in the wrong side and bypassed the station to find his way . He used a yellow silk handkerchief to catch the wind direction and the wind blowed the colored hankerchief on a huge building, with an irregular shape, who look like the Mollitor skating ring.
Towards him, there was the winter swimming pool. He passed it and entered the lateral side of the frozen organism by getting through a double dealing glassed doors with copper bar.
He hold out his subscription card to the ticket inspector, the bunch on it set him thinking. The ticket inspector, gave him a knowing smile without for all that bunching the orange bristol card.Then , the ticket was blind. Colin put it back without scruples in his Russian, foil wallet, went left in the carpeted and rubber cooridor that lead to the rows of stalls. There was no more space on the ground floor.
He climbed the concrete stairs, bumping into beings who seemed huge because they were ascend on vertical and metallic blade. They struggle to do cabriole with unnatural pose in spite of the obvious impossibility. A man with a white jumper opened the door, cashed the till wich will probably end to feed him, because he looked dishonest. Then, he left to himself in the in-pace after carelessly drawing the nitial letter of client on a blacked rectangle arranged inside the cabin to that use. Colin, noted that the man looked more like a swindler than a honest man and couldn't understad why he was working for the skating ring instead of the swimming pool.
A complex string of words returne from the skate floor , because of the dispersed music from the loudspeakers. The skaters stamping had not reach yet, the level of rush hours, when it is similar to the sound of a regiment steps covered with mud spurting the street.
Colin looked for Alice and Chick, but they did not seem to be on the ice. Nicolas will be meeting him a while later / after a while. He still had to prepare the lunch in the kitchen.
L'écume des beaux jours, Boris Vian, Gallimard 1947
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Edited by lucile83 on 31-10-2014 17:48
Message de persona posté le 29-10-2014 à 19:31:59 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Please,let me know about my mistakes.
Thank you for any reply.
Colin get down of the underground (subway) , then get back up (climb back up) he stairs. He surfaced (emerged) in the wrong side and bypassed the station to find his way . He used a yellow silk handkerchief to catch the wind direction and the wind blowed the colored hankerchief on a huge building, with an irregular shape, who look like the Mollitor skating ring.
Towards him, there was the winter swimming pool. He passed it and entered the lateral side of the frozen organism by getting through a double dealing glassed doors with copper bar.
He hold out his subscription card to the ticket inspector, the bunch on it set him thinking. The ticket inspector, gave him a knowing smile without for all that bunching the orange bristol card.Then , the ticket was blind. Colin put it back without scruples in his Russian, foil wallet, went left in the carpeted and rubber cooridor that lead to the rows of stalls. There was no more space on the ground floor.
He climbed the concrete stairs, bumping into beings who seemed huge because they were ascend on vertical and metallic blade. They struggle to do cabriole with unnatural pose in spite of the obvious impossibility. A man with a white jumper opened the door, cashed the till wich will probably end to feed him, because he looked dishonest. Then, he left to himself in the in-pace after carelessly drawing the nitial letter of client on a blacked rectangle arranged inside the cabin to that use. Colin, noted that the man looked more like a swindler than a honest man and couldn't understad why he was working for the skating ring instead of the swimming pool.
A complex string of words returne from the skate floor , because of the dispersed music from the loudspeakers. The skaters stamping had not reach yet, the level of rush hours, when it is similar to the sound of a regiment steps covered with mud spurting the street.
Colin looked for Alice and Chick, but they did not seem to be on the ice. Nicolas will be meeting him a while later / after a while. He still had to prepare the lunch in the kitchen.
L'écume des beaux jours, Boris Vian, Gallimard 1947
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 31-10-2014 17:48
Réponse: Translation/ text de tdu6300, postée le 03-11-2014 à 18:37:14 (S | E)
Bonjour Persona
Bleu = Erreurs ou à revoir
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Ponctuation manquante ou mot manquant
(Numéro) = Renvoi en bas de page
Colin get(1) down(2) of the underground
Towards(10) him, there was the winter swimming pool. He passed it and entered the lateral side of the frozen organism(11) by getting through a double dealing(12) glassed(13) doors(14) with copper bar(15).
He hold out his subscription card to the ticket inspector, the bunch(16) on it set him thinking. The ticket inspector, gave him a knowing smile without for all that bunching the orange bristol card(17).Then ,(7) the ticket was blind(17). Colin put it back without scruples in his Russian, foil wallet, went left in(5) the carpeted and rubber cooridor(8) that lead to the rows of stalls. There was no more space on the ground floor(17).
A partir d'ici, le texte n'est pas corrigé.
He climbed the concrete stairs, bumping into beings who seemed huge because they were ascend on vertical and metallic blade. They struggle to do cabriole with unnatural pose in spite of the obvious impossibility. A man with a white jumper opened the door, cashed the till wich will probably end to feed him, because he looked dishonest. Then, he left to himself in the in-pace after carelessly drawing the nitial letter of client on a blacked rectangle arranged inside the cabin to that use. Colin, noted that the man looked more like a swindler than a honest man and couldn't understad why he was working for the skating ring instead of the swimming pool.
A complex string of words returne from the skate floor , because of the dispersed music from the loudspeakers. The skaters stamping had not reach yet, the level of rush hours, when it is similar to the sound of a regiment steps covered with mud spurting the street.
Colin looked for Alice and Chick, but they did not seem to be on the ice. Nicolas will be meeting him a while later / after a while. He still had to prepare the lunch in the kitchen.
L'écume des beaux jours L'écume des jours, Boris Vian, Gallimard 1947
(1) Ce verbe est au présent. Le reste du texte est au passé. Problème de concordance de temps.
(2) Ce n’est pas le bon mot. Vérifiez sur un dictionnaire.
(3) Faute d’orthographe j’imagine
(4) Plutôt le verbe entre parenthèses
(5) Ce n’est pas la bonne préposition
(6) Bypass véhicule une notion d’évitement et ne semble pas adapté à ce contexte. Cherchez un synonyme.
(7) Pas d’espace entre la dernière lettre du mot et la ponctuation enangalis
(8) Faute d’orthograppe
(9) « who » est réservé pour les personnes. Lien internet
(10) Je suppose que vous voulez dire « devant lui » ? Si c’est le cas ce n’est pas le bon mot.
(11) « frozen organism » ?? Vous êtes sûr ? Je sais que Boris Vian est un auteur particulier, mais que vient faire ce « frozen organism » ici ?
(12) « dealing » ? Vous êtes sûr ?
(13) « porte en verre » ne se traduit pas par « glassed door »
(14) Vous avez commencé par « a double... » donc « une double… » alors pourquoi « doors » est-il au pluriel ?
(15) Ici en revanche, combien de barres en cuive y a-t-il ?
(16) « bunch » Vous êtes sûr ?
(17) Que voulez-vous dire ?
Je m’arrête là pour le moment. Commencez par corriger cette partie du texte.
J’ai rapidement regardé le reste. De nombreux passages sont difficilement compréhensibles.
J'ai l'impression que certains passages sont ici d'une traduction automatique. Si c'est le cas ce n'est pas très cool.
Merci d’essayer de revoir votre texte dans son ensemble avant de le reposter.
En espérant vous être utile.
Cordialement
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