Correction /présentation
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Message de daimko posté le 19-10-2014 à 15:11:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour savoir si vous voyez des choses choquantes dans cette traduction et me les corriger si vous en avez le temps.
En français : Je m'appelle Clément. J'ai 18 ans et je suis né à xxx. J'ai déménagé plusieurs fois dans ma jeunesse car mon père travaille dans les casinos et est muté assez souvent. A l'âge de 6 ans, mes parents se sont séparés et nous nous sommes rapprochés de notre famille à xxx.
J'ai habité dans le nord de la France, dans une ville nommée xxx puis plus tard à xxx. J'ai voyagé en Espagne, deux fois et une fois à Londres au collège.
Cette année je suis dans cette université car l'informatique est ma passion depuis plusieurs années. J'ai découvert cette passion en classe de 3ème quand je suis allé en stage dans une entreprise nommée xxx. (une entreprise informatique spécialisée dans le stockage de données) Les employés m'ont fait découvrir l'informatique comme je ne l'avais jamais vu. Ils étaient tous très heureux de pratiquer ce métier. Aujourd'hui je suis motivé pour faire de ma passion mon métier.
En anglais : My name is Clément. I am 18 years old and I was born in xxx. I moved several times in my youth because my father works in casinos and is rather often moved. At 6 years old, my parents got seperate and we moved closer to xxx and our family.
I have lived in the north of France in a town named xxx and later we went xxx. I have travelled twice to Spain and once to London with the secondary school.
This year I am in this university because the computing is my passion for several years. I discovered this passion in high school when I went to internship in a company named xxx. (A company specialized in the storage of data) The employees made me discover the computing as I had never seen him. They were all very happy to practise this job. Today I am motivated to make of my passion my business.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-10-2014 16:51
Message de daimko posté le 19-10-2014 à 15:11:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour savoir si vous voyez des choses choquantes dans cette traduction et me les corriger si vous en avez le temps.
En français : Je m'appelle Clément. J'ai 18 ans et je suis né à xxx. J'ai déménagé plusieurs fois dans ma jeunesse car mon père travaille dans les casinos et est muté assez souvent. A l'âge de 6 ans, mes parents se sont séparés et nous nous sommes rapprochés de notre famille à xxx.
J'ai habité dans le nord de la France, dans une ville nommée xxx puis plus tard à xxx. J'ai voyagé en Espagne, deux fois et une fois à Londres au collège.
Cette année je suis dans cette université car l'informatique est ma passion depuis plusieurs années. J'ai découvert cette passion en classe de 3ème quand je suis allé en stage dans une entreprise nommée xxx. (une entreprise informatique spécialisée dans le stockage de données) Les employés m'ont fait découvrir l'informatique comme je ne l'avais jamais vu. Ils étaient tous très heureux de pratiquer ce métier. Aujourd'hui je suis motivé pour faire de ma passion mon métier.
En anglais : My name is Clément. I am 18 years old and I was born in xxx. I moved several times in my youth because my father works in casinos and is rather often moved. At 6 years old, my parents got seperate and we moved closer to xxx and our family.
I have lived in the north of France in a town named xxx and later we went xxx. I have travelled twice to Spain and once to London with the secondary school.
This year I am in this university because the computing is my passion for several years. I discovered this passion in high school when I went to internship in a company named xxx. (A company specialized in the storage of data) The employees made me discover the computing as I had never seen him. They were all very happy to practise this job. Today I am motivated to make of my passion my business.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-10-2014 16:51
Réponse: Correction /présentation de sherry48, postée le 20-10-2014 à 00:11:16 (S | E)
Hello. Here are a few things to work on.
My name is Clément. I am 18 years old and I was born in xxx. I moved several times in my youth because my father works in casinos and is rather often moved. At 6 years old, my parents got separate__ and we moved closer to xxx and our family.
I have lived **in the north of France in a town named xxx and later we went xxx. I have travelled twice to Spain and once to London with the secondary school.
This year I am in this university because the
computing is my passion for several years. I discovered this passion in high school when I went to internship in a company named xxx. (A company specialized in the storage of data) The employees helped me discover They were all very happy to practise this job. Today I am motivated to make of my passion my business.**I have lived...since...I have lived...for 5 years...
Sherry
Réponse: Correction /présentation de tdu6300, postée le 20-10-2014 à 02:41:19 (S | E)
Hello Daimko
I agree with most of Sherry48's changes and suggestions
I took her text and added my propositions
So in the following text, you'll find her annotation system mixed with mine.
Mine is as follow:
Blue = Errors or verification needed
Green = My propositions
X or XXX = Missing word or space or punctuation
(Digit) = Footnote
I hope it's not too confusing
My name is Clément. I am 18 years old and I was born in xxx. I moved several times in my youth because my father works in casinos and is rather often moved. (Voulez-vous dire que votre père est souvent ému? En revanche, si vous voulez dire qu’il est souvent muté, alors cette tournure de phrase me choque. Essayez la voie passive, car votre père « subit » l’action.) At 6 years old,(I would prefer another way to say that. One could understand that your parents were six years old.) my parents got separate__ and we moved closer to xxx and our family.
I have lived **in the north of France in a town named xxx and later we went(Do you mean on a trip or to live there?) xxx. I have travelled twice to Spain and once to London with the (Which one?) secondary school.
This year I am in this university because the
computing is my passion for several years. I discovered this passion in high school when I went to internship in a company named xxx. (A company specialized in the storage of data) The employees helped(1) me discover the computing as I had never seen him. They were all very happy to practise(2) this job. Today I am motivated to make of my passion my business.**I have lived...since...I have lived...for 5 years...
(1) « made me » seemed OK because I understood it in a “forced me” sense, as if you were sort of blind before and they forced you to open your eyes on other aspects of computing, as it can happen in a working environment, especially with trainees. But as Sherry48 suggested, “helped me” may be more accurate.
(2)
American spellingA few mistakes, but not a bad work.
I hope both sherry48 and I are helping you.
Best regards
Réponse: Correction /présentation de sherry48, postée le 20-10-2014 à 22:04:40 (S | E)
Hello again.
Due to my off line experience being mainly with true beginners, I tend to try to work with just what has been written, but tdu6300 has given you lots of ideas to work with! I'm sure you'll be happy with your text when you are finished. Perhaps made is the better word, depending on how you meant it. Just one very small correction...it's practice in
. You'll probably want to stay with 
.Sherry
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