Correction/lettre motivation
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Message de julie44 posté le 04-08-2014 à 15:25:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous et toutes!!!
Je vais faire un stage de 6 mois dans une pépinière en Irlande. J'ai fait une lettre de motivation en anglais. Je la mets à suivre. Est-ce qu'une personne pourrait la corriger s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance.
"Madam, Sir,
Your well-known plant nursery serve as a yardstick, this is the reason why I have chosen your company to apply for a work placement.
After a 2-Years Technical Degree sales engineering in ornamental plants, I would like to do an internship in your to work in an international company, in the future.
Curious to discover different structures and passionate about plant world, I have doing as of now various internships in florist shop, in garden center, together with in plant nursery
Indeed, during three months of work placement in the store Truffaut, I have taken the initiative to create a new layout for the cup flower department for summer.
Furthermore, another experience of two months in the plant nursery Gicquiaud, enable me to be in charge of the organization of deadheading workshop, on the last march 15th, in partnership with an association of gardeners.
I had also worked during three months on Fridays and Saturdays for them in order to broaden my skills in the field.
Otherwise, with two years as temporary worker, I have demonstrated skills in adaptability and flexibility.
The duration of this internship in Ireland is six months from October 2014 to March 2015.
I am available for a job interview at your earliest convenience.
Thank you for your time and consideration and I will contact you if I do not hear from you soon. "
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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-08-2014 15:35
Message de julie44 posté le 04-08-2014 à 15:25:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous et toutes!!!
Je vais faire un stage de 6 mois dans une pépinière en Irlande. J'ai fait une lettre de motivation en anglais. Je la mets à suivre. Est-ce qu'une personne pourrait la corriger s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance.
"Madam, Sir,
Your well-known plant nursery serve as a yardstick, this is the reason why I have chosen your company to apply for a work placement.
After a 2-Years Technical Degree sales engineering in ornamental plants, I would like to do an internship in your to work in an international company, in the future.
Curious to discover different structures and passionate about plant world, I have doing as of now various internships in florist shop, in garden center, together with in plant nursery
Indeed, during three months of work placement in the store Truffaut, I have taken the initiative to create a new layout for the cup flower department for summer.
Furthermore, another experience of two months in the plant nursery Gicquiaud, enable me to be in charge of the organization of deadheading workshop, on the last march 15th, in partnership with an association of gardeners.
I had also worked during three months on Fridays and Saturdays for them in order to broaden my skills in the field.
Otherwise, with two years as temporary worker, I have demonstrated skills in adaptability and flexibility.
The duration of this internship in Ireland is six months from October 2014 to March 2015.
I am available for a job interview at your earliest convenience.
Thank you for your time and consideration and I will contact you if I do not hear from you soon. "
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 04-08-2014 15:35
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bluduck2, postée le 14-08-2014 à 11:02:42 (S | E)
Hello Julie 44 ! Voici quelques suggestions :
ligne 1 Conjuguez "to serve" au present à la troisième personne du singulier
ligne 1 --work =du travail (abstrait), un emploi (concret)=a job
ligne 2 --omission du nom après "your" :firm ? company?
ligne 3 --Conjugaison de to do (participe passé:done)
ligne 3 --in a shop (pourquoi "together with "?
ligne 5 --s'agit-il vraiment de "cup flowers" ? ou de "cut" flowers for bouquets
ligne 6 --Conjuguez "to enable" au passé
ligne 6 --date :in March /last March .
Quant à la première phrase,pour faire un compliment ,je préférerais "model " /"role model" ,à "yardstick "(qui veut plutôt dire "critère" ).
Hope this helps ! Bluduck2
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