Expression écrite /aide
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Message de trisha19 posté le 05-03-2014 à 22:44:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pourriez-vous me corriger les fautes de mon expression écrite, s'il vous plait ?
Le sujet est : after visiting her mother, Maude tells her best friend about what she has seen. Sous forme de dialogue narratif.
Ce que j'ai fait :
I run very fast to see my best friend, Sophie
" Sophie ! Sophie ! I hâve an important metter to say to you " I said out of breath
Sophie calm me in giving à glas of water.
" I came just out of prison where I have seen my mother "
I could sense the fear in her eyes when I pronounced the word : jail "
" I agree with my mother, with what she is figthing. She is a very bright person. She is not doing a desobeisance. But she fight for all womens fight si our society ! " I tell with insistance.
Stunned, Sophie asked : " What are you saying ? She is fighting for our rights ? "
And with a big proudness, I say : " Of course, my mother is a vey bright person and a genius ! "
" I am very surprised ; i think if your mother is fighting for our fight, we have to support her and all of her " said Sophie like she have find a brilliant idea.
" Yes, but my father fear to our Life. Who Will marry me ? He is angry with My mother.."
" but we are individuals!" She cried and she say " dońt worry with you and your mother"
She reassure me and promise she Will pass one day with her mother at home.
I think in my mind " very brilliant idea, they can exchange some ideas about women's rights"
My best friend and me were very enthusiasts.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-03-2014 22:58
Message de trisha19 posté le 05-03-2014 à 22:44:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pourriez-vous me corriger les fautes de mon expression écrite, s'il vous plait ?
Le sujet est : after visiting her mother, Maude tells her best friend about what she has seen. Sous forme de dialogue narratif.
Ce que j'ai fait :
I run very fast to see my best friend, Sophie
" Sophie ! Sophie ! I hâve an important metter to say to you " I said out of breath
Sophie calm me in giving à glas of water.
" I came just out of prison where I have seen my mother "
I could sense the fear in her eyes when I pronounced the word : jail "
" I agree with my mother, with what she is figthing. She is a very bright person. She is not doing a desobeisance. But she fight for all womens fight si our society ! " I tell with insistance.
Stunned, Sophie asked : " What are you saying ? She is fighting for our rights ? "
And with a big proudness, I say : " Of course, my mother is a vey bright person and a genius ! "
" I am very surprised ; i think if your mother is fighting for our fight, we have to support her and all of her " said Sophie like she have find a brilliant idea.
" Yes, but my father fear to our Life. Who Will marry me ? He is angry with My mother.."
" but we are individuals!" She cried and she say " dońt worry with you and your mother"
She reassure me and promise she Will pass one day with her mother at home.
I think in my mind " very brilliant idea, they can exchange some ideas about women's rights"
My best friend and me were very enthusiasts.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-03-2014 22:58
Réponse: Expression écrite /aide de bluduck2, postée le 06-03-2014 à 09:50:04 (S | E)
Hello trisha ! Relisez attentivement ,vérifiez la concordance des temps et
--ligne 1 :temps de 'I run"
--ligne 2 :voc "metter" à corriger .
--ligne 2 preférez "to tell "s.o.sthg à "to say"
--ligne 3 "to calm" doit être conjugué et "glas"corrigé
construction de "to give " :to give s.o. sthg
--ligne 4 temps :present perfect (avec "just")
voc:si vous employez pour vous même"to come out of prison" cela signifie que vous êtiez prisonnière
--ligne 6 to fight for
--ligne 6 voc :verbe: to disobey
--ligne 6 temps she /to fight/ now /:present continu
--ligne 7 préférez "every "woman's fight
--ligne 9 cherchez le nom "fierté" dans le dictionnaire
--ligne 10 all of her ? sens ?
--ligne 11 3ème personne singulier,present simple.
--ligne 12 voc "to cry" veut dire "pleurer"
--ligne 12 "to say" simple past
--ligne 12 to worry about
--ligne 14 "to think" simple past
--ligne 14 voc "to pass" veut dire réussir à un examen
--ligne 16 voc moi-même ? voc :adjectif: enthousiastic (invariable comme tous les adjectifs)
Par ailleurs, la chute ne correspond guère à la situation décrite .Les jeunes filles devraient chercher l'aide d'un avocat ,prévenir d'autres femmes de l'association ,et faire preuve d'un enthousiasme modéré ...
I hope this helps ! Bluduck2
Réponse: Expression écrite /aide de trisha19, postée le 07-03-2014 à 22:33:04 (S | E)
Voici les modifications : Merci de votre aide !
Et puis dans le texte que nous avons étudié en classe, la mère est sorti de prison. Maude entend dans le chemin de retour, la discussion qu'ont ses parents. So père se plaint des a mère et lui dit d'arrêter tout de peur qu'au futur sa fille devienne comme elle et ait du mal à trouver un époux.
Ça se passe en Grande Bretagne.
I ran very fast to see my best friend, Sophie
" Sophie ! Sophie ! I have an important matter to tell to you " I said out of breath
Sophie calmed me into giving a glass of water.
" I have just come from prison where I have seen my mother "
I could sense the fear in her eyes when I pronounced the word : jail "
" I agree with my mother, with what she is fighting. She is a very bright person. She is not desobeing. But she fight for every womens fight in our society ! " I tell with insistance.
Stunned, Sophie asked : " What are you saying ? She is fighting for our rights ? "
And with a big pride, I say : " Of course, my mother is a very bright person and a genius ! "
" I am very surprised ; i think if your mother is fighting for our rights, we have to support her and every fighters " said Sophie like she founds a brilliant idea.
" Yes, but my father fear to our Life. Who Will marry me ? He is angry with My mother.."
" but we are individuals!" She shouted and she said " don ´ t worry about you and your mother"
She reassure me and promise she Will come one day with her mother at home.
I thought in my mind " very brilliant idea, they can exchange some ideas about women's rights"
My best friend and me were very enthousiastic.
Merci.
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