Correction /Snapchat

Correction /Snapchat
Message de katniss38 posté le 05-03-2014 à 20:34:09 (S | E | F)
Bonjour

je dois faire une expression écrite, pouvez-vous si possible me dire si mon texte est correct?
(le sujet traite d'une application à la mode chez les jeunes)
Je m'excuse par avance pour les fautes, merci beaucoup


Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two american students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old). Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user sent a video or a picture, the recipient could watch during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds. This app have tempt a lots of young people, in fact, the videos or picture that you have send with the app are not registered. It’s for that, many of users sent picture that they will never publish on other social network like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon amoung teenager. Indeed, more than 200 millions pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook.
The article explains that, in February, Snapchat raised a chunk of investment that valued the company at around 6 million Dollars. Now, it has raised a chunk more, valuing it at 800 million.
In 2012, Facebook tried to buy Snapchat for a billion Dollars but it was a failure.
There is another explication of this phenomenon, in fact, the celebrities also used the application and they don’t hesitate to published the screen capture on the internet. For example, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus …
In principle, this application seems to be safe and allow teenagers to have fun by sending funny pictures. However, this is not the case, the application involves many risks, we will explain this, on a second part.


As we have ssen, Snapchat has many risks, but many teenagers around the world are addicted to this app.
Various opinion are opposed.
For users,
- The primary goal of the app is not the exchange of sexually explicit messages, but sends funny pictures.
- Snapchat could facilities communication with our friends
- If someone does a screen capture of your picture, the application will notify you. This is a proof, and if you have a problem, we can easily complain.
- Also, there is no proof that people used the application for sexting. And for the moment, there is no problem of pedophilia or suicide, causing by the application.

However, according to the people interviewed in the article, the app should be deleted. Because, if the objective of Snapchat is to send funny pictures or videos, why there are erased so quickly and forever?
For this people, the app promoted the sexting, but the app is free, so even young teenagers could use it and maybe could be exposed to the phenomenon of sexting or humiliation.
Nevertheless, Snapchat is now a phenomenon and this is just the beginning.


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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-03-2014 22:44

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de sbgs, postée le 05-03-2014 à 21:40:58 (S | E)
Hello,
ah là là, Snapchat.....

Let's begin... shall we?

Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two american(1) students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old). Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear x(2) moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user sent(3) a video or a picture, the recipient could(4) watch during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds. This app have(5) tempt(6) a lots(7) of young people, in fact, the videos or picture(8) that you have send(9) with the app are not registered. It’s for that(10), many of(11) users sent(12) picture that they will never publish on other social network like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon amoug(13)teenager(14). Indeed,
more than 200 millions pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook.

Je m'arrête là pour aujourd'hui.

1) il faut toujours une majuscule aux nationalités en anglais
2) je dirais qu'il manque un déterminant mais pas sûr
3) pourquoi avoir utilisé le passé/participé passé ?
4) je n'aime pas le "could" ici je pense que "is able to" serait préférable
5) Conjugaison de "to have", je t'invite à revoir tes premiers cours d'anglais
6) utilisation du participe passé ici
7) un "s" est en trop
8) si tu mets "videos" au pluriel, alors "picture" aussi
9) mauvais temps
10) J'aime pas ça non plus je trouve que ça fait trop traduction mot à mot
11) le "of" est de trop
12) mauvais temps
13) youps, c'est sûrement une faute de distraction mais on écrit "among" et non "amoung"
14) il faut le mettre au pluriel

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Modifié par sbgs le 05-03-2014 21:41

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de katniss38, postée le 06-03-2014 à 12:40:24 (S | E)
Hello !
Merci beaucoup pour votre réponse, alors revoici le début de mon texte avec les corrections

Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two American students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old).Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear a moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user send a video or a picture, the recipient is able to watch during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds.This app has tempted a lot of young people, in fact, the videos or pictures that you have sent with the app are not registered. So, many users send picture that they will never publish on other social network like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon among teenagers.
Indeed, more than 200 millions pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook



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Modifié par katniss38 le 06-03-2014 12:42

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de here4u, postée le 06-03-2014 à 15:52:14 (S | E)
Hello,

Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two American students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old).Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear a moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user send a video or a picture, the recipient is able to watch (??? to watch what ,)during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds.This app has tempted a lot of young people, in fact, the videos or pictures that you have sent with the app are not registered. So, many users send picture that they will never publish on other social network like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon among teenagers. Indeed, more than 200 millions (Grrrrrr!)pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook.

Une imprécision, une HORREUR  et deux "oublis" ?
Bon courage !
here4u

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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-03-2014 16:53
Mise en forme standard

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de here4u, postée le 06-03-2014 à 16:09:50 (S | E)
The article explains that, in February, Snapchat raised a chunk(Beware, this is colloquial English= "un paquet de fric") of investment that valued the company atboffff ! chercher évaluer around 6 million Dollars. Now, it has raised a chunk more, valuing it at 800 million.
In 2012, Facebook tried to buy Snapchat for a billion Dollars but it was a failure.
There is another explication of this phenomenon, in fact, the celebrities also used the application and they don’t(temps) hesitate to published(Grrrrr!) the screen capture on the internet. For example, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus …did what ? with what ? develop ...not clear...
In principle, this application seems to be safe and allow teenagers to have fun by sending funny pictures. However, this is not the case, the application involves many risks, we will explain this, on a second part.
Use a relative pronoun to make a complex sentence ...

Good luck !
here4u

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de katniss38, postée le 06-03-2014 à 19:08:33 (S | E)
Bonjour,

merci pour vos corrections, voici le texte corrigé :

Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two American students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old).Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear a moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user sends a video or a picture, the recipient is able to be watch during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds.This app has tempted a lot of young people, in fact, the videos or pictures that you have sent with the app are not registered. So, many users send picture that they will never publish on other social networks like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon among teenagers. Indeed, more than 200 million pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook.

The article explains that, in February, Snapchat raised a lot of money of investment that has evaluate around 6 million Dollars. Now, the company is estimated at 800 million.

There is another explanation of this phenomenon, in fact, the celebrities also used the application and they doesn't hesitate to publish the screen capture on the internet.

In principle, this application seems to be safe and allows teenagers to have fun by sending funny pictures. However, this is not the case, the application involves many risks.

voilà

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de here4u, postée le 06-03-2014 à 19:20:06 (S | E)
Last reading of this passage ...

Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two American students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old). Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear a moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user sends a video or a picture, the recipient is able to be watch( to watch was OK, but we need a complement !)  during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds.This app has tempted a lot of young people, in fact, the videos or pictures that you have sent with the app are not registered. So, many users send picture (plural, please !) that they will never publish on other social networks like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon among teenagers. Indeed, more than 200 million pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook.

The article explains that, in February, Snapchat raised a lot of money of(for?) investment that has evaluate (prétérit passif!) around 6 million Dollars. Now, the
company is estimated at 800 million.

There is another explanation of this phenomenon, in fact, the celebrities also used the application and they doesn't (temps)hesitate to publish the screen capture on the internet.
In principle, this application seems to be safe and allows teenagers to have fun by sending funny pictures. However, this is not the case, the application involves many risks (which I am going .....

Almost there !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-03-2014 07:54
Mise en forme standard.

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de here4u, postée le 06-03-2014 à 19:39:00 (S | E)
As we have seen, Snapchat has many risks, but many teenagers around the world are addicted to this app.
Various opinionS are opposed.
For users,
- The primary goal of the app is not the exchange of sexually explicit messages, but TO sends funny pictures.
- Snapchat could facilities communication with our friends
- If someone does a screen capture of your picture, the application will notify you. This is a proof, and if you have a problem, we can easily complain.
- Also, there is no proof that people used the application for 'sexting'. And for the moment, there is no problem of pedophilia or suicide, causing by the application.(is is causing or caused ? )

Il pourra être utile d'expliquer 'sexting => sex + texting'

However, according to the people interviewed in the article, the app should be deleted. Because, if the objective of Snapchat is to send funny pictures or videos, why there are* erased so quickly and forever?
For this people, the app promoted the sexting, but?? the app is free, so even young teenagers could use it and maybe could be exposed to the phenomenon of sexting or humiliation.
Nevertheless, Snapchat is now a phenomenon and this is just the beginning.

* there is : there are = il y a ! De plus, quelle forme est-elle est nécessaire? (puisqu'il y a un ?)La fin est nettement moins bien exprimée que le début du commentaire ...
Bon courage.
here4u

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Réponse: Correction /Snapchat de katniss38, postée le 07-03-2014 à 01:19:45 (S | E)
Bonsoir

Merci beaucoup, vous m'aidez énormément, je comprends beaucoup mieux mes erreurs

Snapchat is an application created in September 2011 by two American students, Even Spielgel (22 years old) and Bobby Murphy (24 years old). Snapchat is a messaging app that makes photos and videos disappear a moment after being sent or received. In fact, when the user sends a video or a picture, the recipient is able to watch it during a period of time ranging from one to ten seconds.This app has tempted a lot of young people, in fact, the videos or pictures that you
have sent with the app are not registered. So, many users send pictures that they will never publish on other social networks like Facebook or Twitter.
However, this application is becoming a social phenomenon among teenagers. Indeed, more than 200 million pictures are sent every day in the world, this is 50 million more than on Facebook.
The article explains that, in February, Snapchat raised a lot of money for investment that has evaluated around 6 million Dollars. Now, the company is estimated at 800 million.

There is another explanation of this phenomenon, in fact, the celebrities also used the application and they didn't hesitate to
publish the screen capture on the internet.

In principle, this application seems to be safe and allows teenagers to have fun by sending funny pictures. However, this is not the case, the application involves many risks which I am going to explain in a second part.

As we have seen, Snapchat has many risks, but many teenagers around the world are addicted to this app.
Various opinions are opposed.
For users,
- The primary goal of the app is not the exchange of sexually explicit messages, but to sends funny pictures.
- Snapchat could favour communication with our friends
- If someone does a screen capture of your picture, the application will notify you. This is a proof, and if you have a problem, we can easily complain.
Also, there is no proof that people used the application for 'sexting'. Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages pictures,between mobile phones. And for the moment, there is no problem of pedophilia or suicide, caused by the application.

However, according to the people interviewed in the article, the app should be deleted. Because, if the objective of Snapchat is to send funny pictures or videos, why they are erased so quickly and forever?

For these people, the app promoted sexting. The app is free, so even young teenagers could use it and maybe could be exposed to the phenomenon of sexting or humiliation.
Nevertheless, Snapchat is now a phenomenon and this is just the beginning.

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