Aide/expression écrite
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Message de bobo37 posté le 27-02-2014 à 20:57:18 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Je vous sollicite pour m'aider à corriger mes erreurs concernant un exercice de compréhension écrite où je devais donner mon avis sur le fait d'être heureux. J'ai aussi essayé de trouver des synonymes de I think, mis à part in my opinion et in my mind, j'aurais aimé en utiliser d'autres.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide et pour votre indulgence, j'ai passé du temps afin d'essayer de faire le moins de fautes possibles, malheureusement je ne suis pas très fort en anglais, d'où mon envie de m'améliorer.
Voici ma composition :
The text is about the happiness people in the world.
The text said that money and age were key determinants in how happy people are. I don’t completely agree with this sentence. I think, you can be happy without money because with them you don’t can buy everything. For example, love of his family end love of his friends, I Think it’s inevaluable and it is not something can you buy. Of course, money help to be happy because when you are no money’s worries you live more serenely, but I think we are less happy with money and without love that love without money. So I do think that money can influencent be happy but I do not think that's a key determinant because I do not feel that rich people are happiest. The text reveal there is a link between a lack of money and unhappiness, I am really agree with that because I think if you lack money if you can not meet their basic needs so it's hard to be happy with worries.
Compared to the money, I think the fact of having not necessarily make happy but do not have a minimum that you are not happy, so we need a balance: to have a little money to be happy.
I am agree with the sentence “the older we become, the less happy we are” but I think that there is not age to be happy. Maybe people are less happy with age because they have less carefree childhood and adolescence and realize the reality of life.
the penultimate sentence of the text indicates that the things that make us happy include good health, financial security and a happy marriage. I partially agree with that but I will add an important element : it’s to know his family and loved ones in good health and happy. I think material comforts such as cars, clothes, …provide comfort but do not could be happy.
To conclude, I would say “don’t worry be happy” and therefore should always try to see the glass as half full glass half empty to become happy.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-02-2014 00:07
Message de bobo37 posté le 27-02-2014 à 20:57:18 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Je vous sollicite pour m'aider à corriger mes erreurs concernant un exercice de compréhension écrite où je devais donner mon avis sur le fait d'être heureux. J'ai aussi essayé de trouver des synonymes de I think, mis à part in my opinion et in my mind, j'aurais aimé en utiliser d'autres.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide et pour votre indulgence, j'ai passé du temps afin d'essayer de faire le moins de fautes possibles, malheureusement je ne suis pas très fort en anglais, d'où mon envie de m'améliorer.
Voici ma composition :
The text is about the happiness people in the world.
The text said that money and age were key determinants in how happy people are. I don’t completely agree with this sentence. I think, you can be happy without money because with them you don’t can buy everything. For example, love of his family end love of his friends, I Think it’s inevaluable and it is not something can you buy. Of course, money help to be happy because when you are no money’s worries you live more serenely, but I think we are less happy with money and without love that love without money. So I do think that money can influencent be happy but I do not think that's a key determinant because I do not feel that rich people are happiest. The text reveal there is a link between a lack of money and unhappiness, I am really agree with that because I think if you lack money if you can not meet their basic needs so it's hard to be happy with worries.
Compared to the money, I think the fact of having not necessarily make happy but do not have a minimum that you are not happy, so we need a balance: to have a little money to be happy.
I am agree with the sentence “the older we become, the less happy we are” but I think that there is not age to be happy. Maybe people are less happy with age because they have less carefree childhood and adolescence and realize the reality of life.
the penultimate sentence of the text indicates that the things that make us happy include good health, financial security and a happy marriage. I partially agree with that but I will add an important element : it’s to know his family and loved ones in good health and happy. I think material comforts such as cars, clothes, …provide comfort but do not could be happy.
To conclude, I would say “don’t worry be happy” and therefore should always try to see the glass as half full glass half empty to become happy.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-02-2014 00:07
Réponse: Aide/expression écrite de moonlit-sunset, postée le 27-02-2014 à 22:14:52 (S | E)
Bonjour, voici quelques pistes / choses à modifier
The text is about the happiness manque un motpeople in the world.
The text said that money and age were key determinants in how happy people are. I don’t completely agree with this sentence. I think that ou Ø you can be happy without money because with them > à quoi renvoit "them" ? you don’t can revois la construction de can négatif buy everything. For example, love of his > one's family end : orthographe love of one's friends, I think it’s inevaluable (orthographe) and it is not something can you buy (ordre des mots). Of course, money help (concordance sujet / verbe) to : revoir help + infinitif be happy because when you are no : mauvais verbe money’s worries you live more serenely, but I think we are less happy with money and without love than with ?love and without money. So I do think that money can influencent (orthographe) happiness but I do not think that's a key determinant because I do not feel that rich people are happiest (comparatif). The text reveal (colncordance sujet / verbe) there is a link between a lack of money and unhappiness, I am really agree (revoir construction de agree) with that because I think if you lack money if you can not meet their (référence à qui ?) basic needs so it's hard to be happy with worries.
Compared to the money, I think the fact of having not necessarily (le nécessaire ?) make(concordance S/V) happy but do (concordance S/V) not have a minimum that you are not happy fais une phrase plus fluide, on se perd un peu
, so we need a balance: to have a little money to be happy.I am agree with the sentence “the older we become, the less happy we are” but I think that there is no age to be happy. Maybe people are less happy with age because they have less carefree childhood and adolescence : revois la structure and realize the reality of life.
the penultimate sentence of the text indicates that the things that make us happy include good health, financial security and a happy marriage. I partially agree with that but I will add an important element :
To conclude, I would say “don’t worry be happy” and therefore SUJET should always try to see the glass as half full glass and not half empty to become happy.
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Modifié par moonlit-sunset le 27-02-2014 22:19
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