Lettre d'excuse/aide
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Message de cheima123 posté le 22-02-2014 à 15:44:28 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody,
Mon professeur d'anglais nous a demandé de faire une lettre d'excuse. Je tenais à savoir s'il y avait quelques fautes, car je souhaiterais qu'elle soit parfaite
La voici :
Hi Honey, are you fine ? I don't think so..
Listen, I just wanted to apologize for Yesterday. I missed our date. It was the Valentine's day and I know it was imortant for you. I should have been there, with you. I really don't know how you can forgive me. You were alone, wating for me. But I never came. I have absolutely not forget our date, on the contrary, I was excited to see you !
Actually, as you know, I was returning from a business trip in Hong Kong, in China. The flight lasted eleven hours. I was completely exhausted. I went back home, then I collapsed on the living room couch. I wanted to sleep a few hours in order to be fit for the dinner. Unfortunately, I slept all-night. When I woke up, it was too late. I should have called you but I didn't have the courage to do it. I'm so sad and pained too. I am ashamed. Please, accept my apologies. I'm so sorry. I should have organized myself and set the alarm.
Know that I planned to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I bought a wonderful ring for you.
I regret enormously, and I wish I had a time machine to go back in time but that's a crazy idea.
I promise that it won't happen again, I swear it !
Therefore, I'd like to invite you next Friday to dinner at the Japanese restaurant. I know that the Japanese food is your favourite !
I quite would understand that you don't want to come but, let me a second chance, please!
I love you.
You lovely boyfriend, Henri.
Merci d'avance
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2014 18:04
Message de cheima123 posté le 22-02-2014 à 15:44:28 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody,
Mon professeur d'anglais nous a demandé de faire une lettre d'excuse. Je tenais à savoir s'il y avait quelques fautes, car je souhaiterais qu'elle soit parfaite
La voici :
Hi Honey, are you fine ? I don't think so..
Listen, I just wanted to apologize for Yesterday. I missed our date. It was the Valentine's day and I know it was imortant for you. I should have been there, with you. I really don't know how you can forgive me. You were alone, wating for me. But I never came. I have absolutely not forget our date, on the contrary, I was excited to see you !
Actually, as you know, I was returning from a business trip in Hong Kong, in China. The flight lasted eleven hours. I was completely exhausted. I went back home, then I collapsed on the living room couch. I wanted to sleep a few hours in order to be fit for the dinner. Unfortunately, I slept all-night. When I woke up, it was too late. I should have called you but I didn't have the courage to do it. I'm so sad and pained too. I am ashamed. Please, accept my apologies. I'm so sorry. I should have organized myself and set the alarm.
Know that I planned to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I bought a wonderful ring for you.
I regret enormously, and I wish I had a time machine to go back in time but that's a crazy idea.
I promise that it won't happen again, I swear it !
Therefore, I'd like to invite you next Friday to dinner at the Japanese restaurant. I know that the Japanese food is your favourite !
I quite would understand that you don't want to come but, let me a second chance, please!
I love you.
You lovely boyfriend, Henri.
Merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2014 18:04
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de sbgs, postée le 22-02-2014 à 16:53:38 (S | E)
Bonjour bonsoir
J'ai vraiment bien aimé lire cette lettre !
je ne suis pas capable de t'aider à 100% mais je vais essayer de t'expliquer les fautes qui m'ont "sauté" aux yeux.
1) "Listen, I just wanted to apologize for Yesterday" je pense que mettre "about" à la place de "for" serait plus juste ;
2) " It was the Valentine's day and I know it was imortant for you" Encore une fois,"for" fait défaut selon moi. Je pense que j'aurais mis "to" + il manque une lettre à "important"
;3) "... how you can forgive me" cette deuxième partie de phrase m'ennuie, je pense que ce n'est pas une faute mais je sais pas, je ne la sens pas...
;4) "You were alone, wating for me" J'imagine que tu n'as pas fait exprès, mais il manque une lettre quelque part dans cette phrase..
;5) "I have absolutely not forget our date"
Ici, l'action est terminée = utilisation du passé simple obligatoirement 
6) "...on the living room couch" je trouve que "living room" fait remplissage, mettre "couch" seul aurait été bien aussi
7) "I slept all-night" Ici, je ne pense pas que tu as utilisé "all-night" en tant qu'adjectif, le trait d'union n'est donc pas nécessaire ;
8) "Know that I planned to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I bought a wonderful ring for you" je ne suis pas sûr pour celle-là, mais je pense que j'aurais utilisé du past perfect dans cette phrase. ( en espérant que quelqu'un puisse me le confirmer ou non )
9) "You lovely boyfriend, Henri." Est-ce que c'est la signature de ta lettre ? Car si oui, il faudrait mettre "your" à la place de "you"
Voilà voilà, j'espère que d'autres personnes enverront leur correction pour voir si moi-même je n'ai pas fait de fautes en te corrigeant
See ya!
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de here4u, postée le 22-02-2014 à 17:57:56 (S | E)
Hello,
rose = boff ! vous pouvez trouver mieux
bleu = faux
vert = suggestion ou appréciation.
Hi Honey, are you fine ? I don't think so..
Listen, I just wanted to apologize for Yesterday. I missed our date. It was
have absolutely not forget (temps + la construction Grrrrr !) our date, on the contrary, I was excited to see you !Actually, as you know, I was returning (just back) from a business trip in Hong Kong, in China. The flight lasted eleven hours. I was completely exhausted. I went back home, then I collapsed on the living room couch. I wanted to sleep
a few hours in order to be fit for the dinner(if you really want to determine it, add something ...). Unfortunately, I slept all night. When I woke up, it was too late. I should have called you but I didn't have the courage to do it. I'm so sad and pained too. I am ashamed. Please, accept my apologies. I'm so sorry. I should have organized myself and set the alarm.Bien !Know that I
planned (temps)to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I (temps)bought a wonderful ring for you.I regret enormously, and I wish I had a time machine to go back in time but that's a crazy idea.(Bien)
I promise that it won't happen again, I swear it !
Therefore, I'd like to invite you
(ordre des mots) next Friday to dinner at the Japanese restaurant. I know thatI
quite would (ordre des mots) understand I love you.
YouR
Henri.
Not bad at all (I haven't looked for what level you had to write this letter ...)Le sujet étant un peu léger, j'aurais mis plus d'excuses au début(he stood her up! he should be ashamed !) et un vrai I wish de regret (+past perfect)vers la fin pour insister. Je n'aime pas le 'Listen' du début ... (C'est difficile d'écouter quand/ce qu' on lit ! ...)L'ensemble se lit bien. Il manque peut-être (en fonction de votre classe ? ) quelques mots de liaison pour enrichir encore plus... mais c'est déjà "pas mal du tout "!
here4u
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Modifié par here4u le 22-02-2014 18:01
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2014 18:08
Bug couleur réparé.
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de cheima123, postée le 23-02-2014 à 12:43:29 (S | E)
Hello,
Merci pour les petites corrections, est-ce mieux comme cela ?
Hi Honey, are you fine ? I don't think so..
I really wanted to apologize for Yesterday. I missed our date. It was Valentine's day and I know it was important for you. I should have been there, with you. How you will can forgive me ? You were alone, expecting for me. But I never came. I'm so ashamed !
However, I absolutely didn't forget our date, on the contrary, I was excited to see you !
Actually, as you know, I was back from a business trip in Hong Kong which is in China. The flight lasted eleven hours. I was completely exhausted. I went back home, then I collapsed on the couch. I wanted to rest a few hours in order to be fit for the dinner : I didn't want you to see me like a zombie, of course ! Unfortunately, I slept all night. When I woke up, it was too late. I should have called you but I didn't have the courage to do it. I'm so sad and pained too. Please, accept my apologies. I'm so sorry. I should have organized myself and set the alarm. It's all my fault !
Know that I have planned to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I have bought a wonderful ring for you.
I regret enormously, and I wish I had a time machine to go back in time but that's a crazy idea.
I promise that it won't happen again, I swear it !
I would therefore like to invite you next Friday to dinner at the Japanese restaurant. I know that Japanese food is your favourite !
I would quite understand if you wouldn't want to come but, give me a second chance, please!
I love you.
Your sorry boyfriend,
Henri.
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de sbgs, postée le 23-02-2014 à 16:07:18 (S | E)
Hello!
1) "How you will can forgive me ?" jamais jamais jamais jamais
Petite leçon sur l'auxiliaire "can"
=> Il n'est pas un infinitif, de ce fait, on ne peut pas former ni de futur, ni de conditionnel avec
Aux temps où "can" est impossible à utiliser, on utilise la forme "to be able to"
2) "Know that I have planned to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I have bought a wonderful ring for you." youps, toujours pas le bon temps malheureusement
Le present perfect " have/has + participe passé ) permet d'évoquer des actions du passé en montrant sa relation avec le présent. Soit par un prolongement dans le présent ( I have been to France five times ) soit par des conséquences dans le présent ( I have lost my job => I'm broke )
Ici, tu évoques des faits passés dans le passé, il faut donc utiliser le past perfect.
3) I would quite understand if you wouldn't want to come but, give me a second chance, please! Type 2 ici : Lien internet
Plus que 3 fautes
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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-02-2014 18:44
Pas de rouge, merci.
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de cheima123, postée le 23-02-2014 à 17:16:06 (S | E)
Hello,
Allons, plus que 3 simples fautes à corriger
: 1)How will you be able to forgive me ?
2)Know that I had planned to wear one of my most beautiful suits and that I had bought a wonderful ring for you.
3)I would quite understand if you didn't come but, give me a second chance, please!
Cette fois, j'espère que c'est la bonne haha
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de sbgs, postée le 23-02-2014 à 20:13:48 (S | E)
Hello,
nous avons une gagnante
J'espère que tu as bien compris tes fautes antérieures et que tu ne les referas pas la prochaine fois
Have a good week!
Réponse: Lettre d'excuse/aide de cheima123, postée le 24-02-2014 à 00:56:31 (S | E)
Hi,
Enfin, j'ai réussi
C'est un peu grâce a vous quand même
Bonne continuation sur le site
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