Rédaction /correction
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basRédaction /correction
Message de amalia14 posté le 29-01-2014 à 19:14:05 (S | E | F)
Salut,
je dois faire une rédaction pour demain et j'aimerais que vous me disiez si ce que j'ai écrit est bien ?
la consigne est:
You were on holidays with your family in Taïlande and you were caught in the middle of the Tsunami. Explain what you did before and during the disaster. Don't forget to describe tou feelings and the others' feelings.
I left in Thaïlande with my family for holidays, I was very excited because I left for the holidays for the first time with all my family. I took the plane for the first time and I was stressed. In the plane a air hotess came we say " fasten your safety belt !" I felt several tremor, I was afraid of died on plane crash. The pilot had land urgently in a field in Thaïland. I was so much horrified that I had doing a fainting. When I woke I was in an hospital,when I was exited I felt some tremor. People were running around and shouting : "An tsunami come, an tsunami come ".. I was paniced when an little Daughter had took my hand and she my carried away in an basement. There was six people with one woman give birth had one baby, I was shocked. I was in an corner the basement and there was strong tremor and the tsunami was passed, I had very scared, when the tsunami was past, I was going out the basement and I saw the damage, I was shocked and terrified there was lot of dead, and worried beause I doesn't knowed where was my family. I was expatriate in France but I was alone and my family doesn't was find, I was terribly disconsolate.
N’hésitez pas à me donner vos avis et m'indiquer mes fautes
Merci de votre réponse !! ;)
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2014 19:33
Message de amalia14 posté le 29-01-2014 à 19:14:05 (S | E | F)
Salut,
je dois faire une rédaction pour demain et j'aimerais que vous me disiez si ce que j'ai écrit est bien ?
la consigne est:
You were on holidays with your family in Taïlande and you were caught in the middle of the Tsunami. Explain what you did before and during the disaster. Don't forget to describe tou feelings and the others' feelings.
I left in Thaïlande with my family for holidays, I was very excited because I left for the holidays for the first time with all my family. I took the plane for the first time and I was stressed. In the plane a air hotess came we say " fasten your safety belt !" I felt several tremor, I was afraid of died on plane crash. The pilot had land urgently in a field in Thaïland. I was so much horrified that I had doing a fainting. When I woke I was in an hospital,when I was exited I felt some tremor. People were running around and shouting : "An tsunami come, an tsunami come ".. I was paniced when an little Daughter had took my hand and she my carried away in an basement. There was six people with one woman give birth had one baby, I was shocked. I was in an corner the basement and there was strong tremor and the tsunami was passed, I had very scared, when the tsunami was past, I was going out the basement and I saw the damage, I was shocked and terrified there was lot of dead, and worried beause I doesn't knowed where was my family. I was expatriate in France but I was alone and my family doesn't was find, I was terribly disconsolate.
N’hésitez pas à me donner vos avis et m'indiquer mes fautes
Merci de votre réponse !! ;)
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2014 19:33
Réponse: Rédaction /correction de bluduck2, postée le 29-01-2014 à 19:49:52 (S | E)
Hello amalia ,
Voici les fautes de grammaire basiques à corriger
--l.1 /to leave /for the first time :past continuous
--l.1/ to fly / past continuous
--l.2 the air hostess came and /to say/ simple past
--l.2 to be afraid of +verb+ing
--l.3 so +adjectif l.3 /to faint[/bleu/simple past
--revoir les articles indéfinis devant une consonne
--l.4 there was ,singulier ;there..... pluriel
--l.5 /to give birth/ ,simple past
--l.6 /to know /,/to find /,forme négative, simple past
Et pour le vocabulaire ,prendre l'avion =to fly .
Cherchez passer /se passer /dans le dictionnaire car "to pass" veut dire réussir à un examen!
--l.2 mourir dans un accident ,vous avez omis la préposition .
--l.3 "excited" ne convient pas .
Hope this helps !!
Bluduck2
Réponse: Rédaction /correction de amalia14, postée le 29-01-2014 à 20:17:01 (S | E)
Bonjour,
je n'ai pas compris tout ce que vous m'avez dit .. j'ai fait une correction mais je ne suis pas sûr; pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plaît ?
I left in Thaïlande with my family for holidays, I was very excited because I left for the holidays for the first time with all my family. I took the plane for the first time and I was stressed. In the plane a air hotess came we say " fasten your safety belt !" I felt several tremor, I was afraid of died on plane crash. The pilot had land urgently in a field in Thaïland. I was so much horrified that I had doing a fainting. When I woke I was in an hospital,when I was exited I felt some tremor. People were running around and shouting : "An tsunami come, an tsunami come ".. I was paniced when an little Daughter had took my hand and she my carried away in an basement. There was six people with one woman give birth had one baby, I was shocked. I was in an corner the basement and there was strong tremor and the tsunami was passed, I had very scared, when the tsunami was past, I was going out the basement and I saw the damage, I was shocked and terrified there was lot of dead, and worried beause I doesn't knowed where was my family. I was expatriate in France but I was alone and my family doesn't was find, I was terribly disconsolate.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-01-2014 21:25
Réponse: Rédaction /correction de bluduck2, postée le 30-01-2014 à 18:52:40 (S | E)
Hello amalia ,
Il vous suffit de tenir compte des conseils (conjugaisons au passé , articles )et de vous relire attentivement .
Courage! Bluduck2
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