Lettre motivation /aide

Lettre motivation /aide
Message de lionceau posté le 05-11-2013 à 13:56:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ,

S'il vous plait j'ai un stage à faire et j'aimerais avoir vos commentaires sur ma lettre de motivation en anglais.
Heyy oui c'est ma 1ere cover letter .
Merci


my city , the 27 September 2013
my name and address
name and address of the company

Object : Application for an Internship of software engineer Java J2EE or Java Android from february to july 2014 in Paris.
Attachments : Resume.

Dear Sir or Madam,

For my studies of engineer in the engineering school xxxx, I would like to apply for an internship in Java J2ee or Java Android. Because xxxx is the best place to learn about new technologies and with some advices of worker in your company in my network i wish apply for an internship of 6months in software developement in Paris.
I am proficiency in Java J2ee and in Java Android because i have made some softwares and videogames since 6 years and I am currently working in a team to build an android game. I am passionate about new technologies. I learn faster and I like to work alone like the teamwork.

From 2010 to 2013 i have managed some events for organization involved and I was University student representative creating company and organization partnering from 2012 to 2013. And member active and Treasurer for the young people of a blood donation organization from 2010 to 2013. Theses positions have helped me to create and manage a project.

I will be happy to continue to speak more about my experience and my knowledges in an interview.

Sincerely,

my name..

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Modifié par lionceau le 05-11-2013 14:01

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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-11-2013 15:40

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Réponse: Lettre motivation /aide de sherry48, postée le 05-11-2013 à 22:26:15 (S | E)
Hello. Here are a few areas to take another look at.

my city , the 27 September 2013
my name and address
name and address of the company see this link for the heading for a cover letter Lien internet


Object : Application for an Internship of software engineer Java J2EE or Java Android from february to july 2014 in Paris.
Attachments : Resume.

Dear Sir or Madam,

For my studies of engineer in the xxxx engineering school xxxx, I would like to apply for an internship in Java J2ee or Java Android. Because xxxx is the best place to learn about new technologies and with some advices of worker (1 worker?) in your company in my network i wish apply for an internship of 6months (you can use 6 month as an adjective)in software developement in Paris.
I am proficiency in Java J2ee and in Java Android because i have made some softwares and videogames since 6 years and I am currently working in a team to build an android game. I am passionate about new technologies. I learn faster and I like to work alone like the teamwork. (not clear)
From 2010 to 2013 i have managed some events for organization involved and I was __ University student representative creating company and organization partnering from 2012 to 2013. And member active and Treasurer for the young people of a blood donation organization from 2010 to 2013. Theses positions have helped me to create and manage a project.

I will (would is better) be happy to continue to speak more about my experience and my knowledges in an interview.
Sincerely,
my name..
Take another look at using since or from 2010 to 2013, because it's not quite right.
Bon courage! Sherry

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Réponse: Lettre motivation /aide de lionceau, postée le 07-11-2013 à 17:38:25 (S | E)
Thank you very much sherry48 and lucile83 for your answer.

I have understood that my cover letter needs to have more personnal story.
some questions :
How can I write "6 months (you can use 6 month as an adjective)"
I think you have done a mistake "developement" doesn't exist but "development " exists
Why is it not clear ? "I learn faster and I like to work alone like the teamwork. (not clear)"
Thank you very much for your help . I have changed my cover letter. What should I change now? For a student it's not easy to do this work .

my city , the 27 September 2013
my name and address
name and address of the company

Object : Application for an Internship of software engineer Java J2EE or Java Android from february to july 2014 in Paris.
Attachments : Resume.

Dear Sir or Madam,

For my studies of engineer in the xxxx engineering school, I would like to apply for an internship in Java J2ee or Java Android. Because xxxx is the best place to learn about new technologies and with some advices of workers in your company in my network i wish apply for an internship of 6 months (you can use 6 month as an adjective)in software developement in Paris.

I am proficiency in Java J2ee and in Java Android because i have made some softwares and videogames since 6 years and the goal of my last internship was to work with Java J2ee Spring Jsf in a team and now I am currently working in a team to build an android game. I am passionate about new technologies.

From 2010 to 2013 i have participate and managed some events for the blood donation organization and the university students team and I was the University student representative creating company and organization partnering from 2012 to 2013. I was Treasurer for the young people of a blood donation organization from 2010 to 2013. Theses positions have helped me to create and manage a project.

I would be happy to continue to speak more about my experience and my knowledges in an interview.

Sincerely,

my name..

Thank you very much for your help
Lionceau

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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-11-2013 22:00

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Modifié par lionceau le 08-11-2013 21:06

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