Présentation orale /aide

Présentation orale /aide
Message de paaat posté le 12-06-2013 à 22:32:14 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir !

Mes examens de fin d'année approchent et je vais avoir un oral d'anglais durant lequel je devrai me présenter durant environ 5 minutes. J'ai écrit un texte qui doit sûrement comporter des fautes pouvez-vous y jeter un coup d'oeil et me dire ce qui peut être amélioré ?
Merci d'avance !

"My name’s Patricia XXX. I’m 20 years old. I’m from Portugal. I was born on a snowy day, the 17th February 1993 in XXX. This town is situated between XXX and XXX, and it’s near of XXX. I live in a nice apartment with my family: my parents and my brother who is 4 years younger than me.

Our building is next to the statium of the town, so I like to go for a run sometimes. During my free time, I like to read books, all kinds of books. Like thriller, fantasy, romantic ... I like everything. I love to write, listen to music, watch movies. My favorite movies are : "Hunger Games", "Django Unchained", "Inception" and many others.

But I'm not antisocial , I like hang out with some friends, go to parties spending time at a lakeside...
I work at XXX SA, in XXX. It’s a construction company which has about 150 employees.

I am responsible for small accounting services and administrative tasks. I have to do the correspondence... I have to answer the phone and also to receive the customers.

I work 8.30 hours per day so that makes 41.50 hours per week. I have 6 weeks of holiday per year. This year I will have three weeks summer holidays. I'm going to Portugal with my family, like every year. We’re going to travel by plane, we usually take the car but it's a very long trip, about 2000 km. It’s very exhausting.
I visited about 15 cities in Portugal, and every year we discover another part of the country. I love to travel. I would like to go to Greece or Ireland. Before my 30th birthday I would like to travel around the world. I still have 10 years to save money !

After I graduated, I'll go to the School of Management in Geneva to become an Information and Documentary Specialist.
This person is often responsible for the archives, and the information. We must have good general knowledge and strong organisational skills. We research, analyse and transmit information about all kind of subjects to our clients. We can work in libraries, academic institutions, both private and public archives as well as information and documentation departments of larger companies. I hope I'll pass my exams ! Fingers crossed ! "

Bonne soirée,
Patricia

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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-06-2013 23:29

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Réponse: Présentation orale /aide de hushpuppy, postée le 13-06-2013 à 23:05:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,
C'est très bien Il y a des petites corrections :

"My name’s Patricia XXX. I’m 20 years old. I’m from Portugal. I was born on a snowy day, the 17th February 1993 in XXX. This town is situated between XXX and XXX, and it’s near of XXX. I live in a nice apartment with my family my parents and my brother, who is 4 years younger than me.

Our building is next to the statium of the town("the town" est le possesseur), so I like to go for a run sometimes. During my free time, I like to read books, all kinds of books.(supprimer le point) like thriller, fantasy, romantic.(mettre les adjectives au pluriel et ajouter une conjonction) I like everything. I love to write, listen to music, (conjonction) watch movies. My favorite movies are : "Hunger Games", "Django Unchained", "Inception" and many others.

But I'm not antisocial , I like hang out with some friends,(supprimer la virgule et ajouter une conjouction) go to parties spending time at a lakeside.
I work at XXX SA, in XXX. It’s a construction company which has about 150 employees.

I am responsible for small accounting services and administrative tasks. I take care of correspondences. I have to answer the phone and also to receive(on dit "welcome") the customers.

I work 8.30 hours per day so that makes 41.50 hours per week. I have 6 weeks of holiday per year. This year I will have three weeks of summer holidays. I'm going to Portugal with my family, like every year. We’re going to travel by plane, we usually take the car but it's a very long trip, about 2000 km. It’s very exhausting.
I visited about 15 cities in Portugal, and every year we discover another part of the country. I love to travel. I would like to go to Greece or Ireland. Before my 30th birthday(ajouter une virgule) I would like to travel around the world. I still have 10 years to save money !

After I graduating, I'll go to the School of Management in Geneva to become an Information and Documentary Specialist.
This position is often responsible for the archives,(supprimer la virgule) and the information. We must have good general knowledge and strong organisational skills. We research, analyse and transmit information about all kind of subjects to our clients. We can work in libraries, academic institutions, both private and public archives as well as information and documentation departments of larger companies. I hope I'll pass my exams ! Fingers crossed ! "

Bonne chance !

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