Essai concours/correction
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Message de erwan1605 posté le 27-02-2013 à 11:16:19 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde,
je prépare le concours sésame ( école de commerces Post-bac ).
Une des épreuves consiste en la rédaction d'un essai de 200-250 mots en 30-45 min.
Je voulais savoir où se situent mes fautes dans cet essai :
Subject : Is it credible for a major gas-producing company to promote a green image ?
For a major gas-producing company is difficult to promote a good and green image. However there are many different ways to arrange this image; for eg to use green engines or recycling waste ...
Firstly, many companies like Total or Shell have problems with their image. Effectively, for a long time we have red in newspapers too many bad things about them " Total's platform has lost 2 million litters of petrol in the Pacific Ocean, thousands of fishes are dying ". So people have a really bad opinion about gas-producing company. Otherwise to arrange the situation, they may do things.
We also hear on TV " Total have made a profit of 11 billion dollars " so to promote a nice image they are able to invest in electrics cars, green engines, invest in specific company for a better safety to prevent any accident on their platforms. So yes, It could be credible for a major gas-producing to promote a green image. However these companies prefer to distribute their profit to shareholders. Therefore nowadays people don't really see gas-producing companies as green one because they almost do nothing for it.
J'ai fait ça en plus ou moins 20 minutes.
Merci à tous ceux qui prendront un peu de temps pour m'orienter
Passez une agréable journée
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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-02-2013 17:18
Message de erwan1605 posté le 27-02-2013 à 11:16:19 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde,
je prépare le concours sésame ( école de commerces Post-bac ).
Une des épreuves consiste en la rédaction d'un essai de 200-250 mots en 30-45 min.
Je voulais savoir où se situent mes fautes dans cet essai :
Subject : Is it credible for a major gas-producing company to promote a green image ?
For a major gas-producing company is difficult to promote a good and green image. However there are many different ways to arrange this image; for eg to use green engines or recycling waste ...
Firstly, many companies like Total or Shell have problems with their image. Effectively, for a long time we have red in newspapers too many bad things about them " Total's platform has lost 2 million litters of petrol in the Pacific Ocean, thousands of fishes are dying ". So people have a really bad opinion about gas-producing company. Otherwise to arrange the situation, they may do things.
We also hear on TV " Total have made a profit of 11 billion dollars " so to promote a nice image they are able to invest in electrics cars, green engines, invest in specific company for a better safety to prevent any accident on their platforms. So yes, It could be credible for a major gas-producing to promote a green image. However these companies prefer to distribute their profit to shareholders. Therefore nowadays people don't really see gas-producing companies as green one because they almost do nothing for it.
J'ai fait ça en plus ou moins 20 minutes.
Merci à tous ceux qui prendront un peu de temps pour m'orienter
Passez une agréable journée
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-02-2013 17:18
Réponse: Essai concours/correction de bluestar, postée le 27-02-2013 à 17:57:30 (S | E)
Bonjour..
For a major gas-producing company (pronom manquant) is difficult to promote a good and green image. However there are many different ways to arrange this image; for
Firstly, many companies like Total or Shell have problems with their image. Effectively, for a long time we have red (orth.) in newspapers too many bad things about them: " Total's platform has lost 2 million litters (orth.) of petrol in the Pacific Ocean, thousands of fishes are dying ". So people have a really bad opinion about gas-producing company(pluriel). Otherwise to arrange (un verbe différent) the situation, they may do things.
We also hear on TV " Total have made a profit of 11 billion dollars " so to promote a nice image they are able to invest in electrics cars, green engines, invest in a specific company for a better safety to prevent any accident on their platforms. So yes, It(pourquoi majuscule?) could be credible for a major gas-producing (nom manquant) to promote a green image. However these companies prefer to distribute their profits to shareholders. Therefore nowadays people don't really see gas-producing companies as green one because they almost do nothing [/bleu](ordre des mots)for it.
Réponse: Essai concours/correction de toinou22, postée le 27-02-2013 à 22:35:23 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Je propose d'autres corrections, dites-moi si j'ai raison ou tort.
arrange this image -> (another verb) this image ?
Total's OIL platform ?
as green oneS ?
Réponse: Essai concours/correction de lucile83, postée le 27-02-2013 à 23:27:05 (S | E)
Hello,
Oui en effet, (erreurs noyées dans la masse)
arrange this image -> improve
Total's OIL platform ? OK
as green oneS ? OK
Réponse: Essai concours/correction de erwan1605, postée le 28-02-2013 à 12:39:10 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour vos corrections, ça fait plaisir et votre aide m'est précieuse :D
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-02-2013 22:39
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