Correction/récit
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Message de floflo27 posté le 20-08-2012 à 11:25:07 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I have to write a summary of a story as a homework.
Can you correct my mistakes please?
Thank you for your help.
A woman broke with your boyfriend. Now she live with a Scottish.
At the first the man thought that she still loved him and she returned with him.
But she will never return, so he think that he should have a plan.
He discovers a old laws who said that a Englishman can kill a Scottish With a bow and arrow.
So he going to call it the Scottish and say that he won a invitation for a training of bow.
The Englishman will kill the Scottish.
Now the killer is in prison despite that obeying the law.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 20-08-2012 19:01
Message de floflo27 posté le 20-08-2012 à 11:25:07 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I have to write a summary of a story as a homework.
Can you correct my mistakes please?
Thank you for your help.
A woman broke with your boyfriend. Now she live with a Scottish.
At the first the man thought that she still loved him and she returned with him.
But she will never return, so he think that he should have a plan.
He discovers a old laws who said that a Englishman can kill a Scottish With a bow and arrow.
So he going to call it the Scottish and say that he won a invitation for a training of bow.
The Englishman will kill the Scottish.
Now the killer is in prison despite that obeying the law.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-08-2012 19:01
Réponse: Correction/récit de floflor, postée le 20-08-2012 à 12:21:55 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Mon système de corrections se lit comme suit:
- XXX = mot/expression posant problème
- (XXX) = explication du problème)
A woman broke with (il manque une préposition) your (choix du possessif) boyfriend. Now she live (attention à la terminaison et à l'aspect du verbe - present simple or continuous?) with a Scottish.
At the first (il y a un mot en trop) the man thought that she still loved him and she returned (mauvais temps - c'est une action qui se passe dans le futur par rapport au moment de la narration) with him.
But she will never return (un autre verbe?), so he think that he should have a plan (construction lourde).
He discovers a (mauvais article indéfini devant un mot commençant par une voyelle) old laws (pourquoi ce pluriel?) who (mauvais pronom relatif pour une notion inanimée) said (verbe trop commun) that a (c.f. supra) Englishman can kill a Scottish With (orthographe) a bow and arrow (forme plurielle?).
So he going to call it (confus. Restez simple!) the Scottish and say that he won a (c.f. supra) invitation for (mauvaise préposition après "invitation" a training of bow (pensez à l'inversion pour évitez le "of").
The Englishman will kill the Scottish.
Now the killer is in prison despite that (il y a un mot en trop) obeying (choix du mot très discutable) the law.
Faites attention aux temps verbaux. Vous avez fait un mélange de passé-présent-futur. Choisissez un temps et respectez les règles de concordance.
N'hésitez pas à poster une version corrigée de votre travail
Bonne continuation et bonnes corrections
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Modifié par floflor le 20-08-2012 16:05
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