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Correction/lettre motivation
Message de hihahiha posté le 23-12-2011 à 22:58:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je viens de rédiger une lettre de motivation pour un poste de stagiaire dans un pays anglophone mais je ne suis pas sûr de mon orthographe car je ne suis pas encore un pro en anglais.
Pourriez-vous me dire mes erreurs s'il vous plaît ?
De plus lorsque l'on fait une lettre de motivation pour l’Angleterre, faut-il mettre l'objet de notre demande comme en France au dessus du dear Mr. XXX ?
Merci par avance.
Dear Mr. XXX:
Currently studying in final year of Master “Human-Machine interfaces”, at xxxxxxx, I am part of this training in search of an internship graduation. It would be a period of 5 to 6 months in the field of ergonomics Human-Machine interfaces. And I would strongly do it within your company.
In fact, your firm designs websites for various European companies and has a department of ergonomics, what interests me greatly. And work with people from other cultures can only be rewarding. In addition, I am attracted by the new technologies, because it is a rapidly changing field. Thus, integrate a company like yours would allow me to apply the knowledge acquired during my university studies.
And thanks to my specialization in ergonomics, I was able to acquire the different processes of user-centered design such as the use of personas and usage scenarios for prototyping. And, my computer skills will enable me to better understand what are doing my colleagues and so I could more easily interact with them. Moreover, my previous job as seasonal and intern allowed me to better understand the professional work, to acquire autonomy and thoroughness in work. So, my adaptability, my motivation and my dynamism are essential assets that I want to make available your business.
My enclosed resume provides additional details about my background.
I will contact you within a week to arrange a meeting. Do not hesitate to contact me if you require any additional information regarding my application before that time, you may reach me via phone 0303030303 or via email.
Thank you for your time and consideration
Yours sincerely,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-12-2011 06:47
+ forum
Message de hihahiha posté le 23-12-2011 à 22:58:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je viens de rédiger une lettre de motivation pour un poste de stagiaire dans un pays anglophone mais je ne suis pas sûr de mon orthographe car je ne suis pas encore un pro en anglais.
Pourriez-vous me dire mes erreurs s'il vous plaît ?
De plus lorsque l'on fait une lettre de motivation pour l’Angleterre, faut-il mettre l'objet de notre demande comme en France au dessus du dear Mr. XXX ?
Merci par avance.
Dear Mr. XXX:
Currently studying in final year of Master “Human-Machine interfaces”, at xxxxxxx, I am part of this training in search of an internship graduation. It would be a period of 5 to 6 months in the field of ergonomics Human-Machine interfaces. And I would strongly do it within your company.
In fact, your firm designs websites for various European companies and has a department of ergonomics, what interests me greatly. And work with people from other cultures can only be rewarding. In addition, I am attracted by the new technologies, because it is a rapidly changing field. Thus, integrate a company like yours would allow me to apply the knowledge acquired during my university studies.
And thanks to my specialization in ergonomics, I was able to acquire the different processes of user-centered design such as the use of personas and usage scenarios for prototyping. And, my computer skills will enable me to better understand what are doing my colleagues and so I could more easily interact with them. Moreover, my previous job as seasonal and intern allowed me to better understand the professional work, to acquire autonomy and thoroughness in work. So, my adaptability, my motivation and my dynamism are essential assets that I want to make available your business.
My enclosed resume provides additional details about my background.
I will contact you within a week to arrange a meeting. Do not hesitate to contact me if you require any additional information regarding my application before that time, you may reach me via phone 0303030303 or via email.
Thank you for your time and consideration
Yours sincerely,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-12-2011 06:47
+ forum
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de malouul, postée le 24-12-2011 à 00:20:02 (S | E)
Bonsoir hihahiha,
alors je ne suis pas une pro en anglais non plus, mais je pense pouvoir t'aider à corriger les quelques erreurs qu'il y a dans ta lettre.
L.1, je dirais que la virgule après "interfaces" est facultative, voire de trop. L.3 "what interests me greatly" doesn't sound correct. "which I am very interested in" is the only expression I have in mind right now.
"And
I would think that "In addition" sounds too French. Maybe you can replace it by "moreover" ?
Voilà pour les plus évidentes. Enfin, si un natif passe par là il pourrait peut-être mieux t'aider que moi ;)
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de hihahiha, postée le 26-12-2011 à 09:12:16 (S | E)
Merci pour ta réponse.
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