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Correspondant de guerre
Message de petaouchnok posté le 08-10-2011 à 22:43:09 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous me dire les erreurs de mon texte s'il vous plaît?
Merci beaucoup.
"The war-correspondent risks every day his life. It takes the same risks that a soldier, without arms to defend himself. Often the opponents chose him as a hostage.
He has a responsibility to make a choice in the information. Must send messages to the public but he musn't give information to the enemy.
A correspondent musn't have scruples, he can't respect the privacy of people.
Most importantly, the corresponding must reveal the horrors of war without leaving about his sensitivity.
He must try to remain objective in spite of all his emotions. He must live with the memory of the atrocities but also with tears and cries of victims' families.
I wouldn't have wanted to do this picture because I wouldn't have remained insensitive to the plight of the people. We see the bottom, houses burning, people running away but more importantly, the old woman who suffers and begged the soldier. "
et je n'arrive pas à trouver deux mots différents en anglais pour information et renseignement
Merci pour votre aide
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-10-2011 07:54
Message de petaouchnok posté le 08-10-2011 à 22:43:09 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous me dire les erreurs de mon texte s'il vous plaît?
Merci beaucoup.
"The war-correspondent risks every day his life. It takes the same risks that a soldier, without arms to defend himself. Often the opponents chose him as a hostage.
He has a responsibility to make a choice in the information. Must send messages to the public but he musn't give information to the enemy.
A correspondent musn't have scruples, he can't respect the privacy of people.
Most importantly, the corresponding must reveal the horrors of war without leaving about his sensitivity.
He must try to remain objective in spite of all his emotions. He must live with the memory of the atrocities but also with tears and cries of victims' families.
I wouldn't have wanted to do this picture because I wouldn't have remained insensitive to the plight of the people. We see the bottom, houses burning, people running away but more importantly, the old woman who suffers and begged the soldier. "
et je n'arrive pas à trouver deux mots différents en anglais pour information et renseignement
Merci pour votre aide
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-10-2011 07:54
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de alep, postée le 09-10-2011 à 11:58:17 (S | E)
Hello petaouchnok,
I'm not going and try to correct everything. Just a few hints:
Intelligence; Service/officier de renseignement = intelligence service/officer; Il travaille dans le renseignement = he works in intelligence.
The war-correspondent you mention is obviously a man, so you should say: HE takes the same risks as a soldier.
Don't forget that more and more war-correspondents are also women.
"without leaving about his sensitivity" is not clear. I suppose you mean that he must be able to talk and send pictures about the worst things without being hindered by his sensitivity.
That's all for the time being,
Yours for more if you wish,
alep
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de petaouchnok, postée le 09-10-2011 à 12:07:52 (S | E)
Merci vraiment beaucoup!!!
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de petaouchnok, postée le 09-10-2011 à 12:15:10 (S | E)
je peux rajouter "it's hard for them to live away from their families, especially if they are mothers"
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de violet91, postée le 09-10-2011 à 12:24:01 (S | E)
Hello Petaouchnok,
Your ideas are quite good and rather well expressed . I shall copy your text on my P.C , when at home in a moment to correct and suggest how to improve it .( I can't now, typing on my I-phone ). One big and common spelling mistake : must not > mustn't !..
" See you ...very soon . Violet .
A piece of news : une info ( or news ( sg indénombrable).# an information : un renseignement.
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de petaouchnok, postée le 09-10-2011 à 12:43:42 (S | E)
merci violet
alep, vous avez raison pour les femmes correspondantes de guerre. Est-ce que je peux utiliser war-photographer à la place et mettre à chaque fois he(she) lorsque je parle.
Alep, you're right for women war-correspondents. can I use "war-photographer" and can I put in place every time he(she) when I talk. For exemple "He (or she) takes the same risks as a soldier"
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de alep, postée le 09-10-2011 à 14:20:16 (S | E)
Dear petaouchnok,
Of course, you can say SHE when speaking of a female war-correspondent or photographer.
In English, when you refer to both men and women, you can say THEY are, THEY do THEIR job, etc.
It's a possibility which is not so readily available in French in all cases.
Other examples in English: a spokesperson applies both to men and women (un/une porte-parole).
Have a good Sunday,
alep
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de violet91, postée le 09-10-2011 à 17:07:30 (S | E)
Hello again to both,
Shall I suggest you...?
"The (j'effacerais pour parler de généralité donc suivre au pluriel) war-correspondent risk(s) every day his life (pluriel et à déplacer contre le verbe : c'est un COD). It takes (He/she..mais they, maintenant) the same risks that(changement de conjonction) a soldier( pl), without (déterminant indéfini)arms(autre mot préférable) to defend( or protect) himself ( 3ème pl.). Some of them lose their lives by approaching too close when taking a striking photograph.(offert!) Often (adv à placer devant le verbe) the opponents chose (orth.)him pl.)as a hostage.(pl)[ je reprendrais en fait toute cette phrase en la mettant au passif et en introduisant un auxiliare modal / possibilité]
He has a responsibility (maladroit; peut-être mieux avec " to be responsible for + gérondif))to(changer de préposition) make a choice in the information.X (omission de pronom sujet) Must send messages to the public but he musn't give information to the enemy.
A (ou pl.)correspondent musn't( orth et erreur de modal : pas ordre/ obligation) have scruples, he can't respect the privacy of people.
Most importantly erreur et je ferais une relativ e= ce que = what is ...), the corresponding must reveal the horrors of war without leaving about ( to show, to express) his sensitivity. ( barbarisme !!) He must try to remain objective in spite of all his(ou pl) emotions (opinions and feelings). He(ou pl.) must live with the memory of the( à effacer : généralité) atrocities but also with tears and cries( meilleur de changer de mot) of victims' families. ne pas utiliser ce génitif saxon : le mot families est ici plus important).
I wouldn't( never est meilleur et placé ailleurs ) have wanted to do this picture because I wouldn't have XXX( ajouter le modal de l'incapacité) remained insensitive to the plight of the people. We(vous n'y êtes pas ; they...à moins que ne fassiez une analyse d'image..j'en ai maintenant l'impression))(ajouter modal capacité de préférence) see the bottom (erreur comique : pas le moment : background) ,) houses burning, people running away but more importantly( toujours à reprendre: relative ce que..et adj "pire" to me), the old woman who suffers ( be +- ing , plutôt; on peut si on la voit souffrir) and begged(pourquoi le past ...sinon is begging) the soldier. "
Commencer ce paragraphe par cela. Vous concluerez sur votre opinion personnelle " I would...)
(Si c'est une icônographie : dire que l'image est frappante, efficace et soulève bien des réactions de votre part ou/et de l'observateur. La presse a atteint son but).
I hope this helps. Have a nice improvement !
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Modifié par violet91 le 09-10-2011 17:09
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de petaouchnok, postée le 10-10-2011 à 15:19:51 (S | E)
Thank you so much!!
Réponse: Correspondant de guerre de petaouchnok, postée le 10-10-2011 à 16:10:20 (S | E)
donc je devrais mettre:
Correspondents haven’t to have scruples, they can't respect the privacy of people.
Most importantly (erreur et je ferais une relativ e= ce que = what is ...),
je n'ai pas compris
his sensitivity. ( barbarisme !!) que mettre d'autre alors?
"of victims' families". ne pas utiliser ce génitif saxon : le mot families est ici plus important).mais justement c'est de la détresse des familles dont je voulais parler, sinon je ne vois pas quoi utiliser d'autre.
We see the bottom, houses burning, people running away but more importantly, the old woman who suffers and begged the soldier. " Effectivement, dans la deuxième partie du texte je dois faire l'analyse d'une image en particulier.Donc je suppose que je peux utiliser "we"?
more importantly: est-ce que je peux utiliser "mainly"?
Merci pour vos rajouts personnels opportuns. Est-ce que je peux rajouter ça?
"this picture is striking and effective.It's technically perfect and creates a lot of emotions. The press has served its purpose"
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