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Correction/i-Pad Tablet
Message de mickaelevr posté le 08-09-2011 à 22:54:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un devoir depuis hier comportant plusieurs questions à rendre pour lundi. Après avoir répondu à la première question, j'aimerais que l'on m'aide à corriger mes fautes s'il y en a afin que je puisse progresser dans mon expression.
Je n'attends pas une correction de la réponse bien sûr, simplement une correction de ma grammaire etc.
Voici le sujet si ça intéresse tout de même:
Lien Internet
Voici la question:
Why have PC sales fallen ?
By how much have PC sales declined ?
Voici ma réponse:
Apple's caused the PC sales fallen. Indeed, the electronics industry produced the Ipad tablet computer, that (ou What?) was a bombshall to or on the market.
It's maybe a high-tech revolution in the computer age, so that the research firm Gartner announced that 10 millions of PC less might have saled.
Je remercie d'avance toute personne qui acceptera de m'aider, c'est vraiment sympa.
Bonne soirée.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-09-2011 08:24
+ titre
Message de mickaelevr posté le 08-09-2011 à 22:54:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un devoir depuis hier comportant plusieurs questions à rendre pour lundi. Après avoir répondu à la première question, j'aimerais que l'on m'aide à corriger mes fautes s'il y en a afin que je puisse progresser dans mon expression.
Je n'attends pas une correction de la réponse bien sûr, simplement une correction de ma grammaire etc.
Voici le sujet si ça intéresse tout de même:
Lien Internet
Voici la question:
Why have PC sales fallen ?
By how much have PC sales declined ?
Voici ma réponse:
Apple's caused the PC sales fallen. Indeed, the electronics industry produced the Ipad tablet computer, that (ou What?) was a bombshall to or on the market.
It's maybe a high-tech revolution in the computer age, so that the research firm Gartner announced that 10 millions of PC less might have saled.
Je remercie d'avance toute personne qui acceptera de m'aider, c'est vraiment sympa.
Bonne soirée.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-09-2011 08:24
+ titre
Réponse: Correction/i-Pad Tablet de gerondif, postée le 08-09-2011 à 23:53:53 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Apple's caused the PC sales fallen.(infinitif) Indeed, the electronics industry produced the Ipad tablet computer, that (ou What?)(si vous vouliez dire", ce qui, alors, ce n'est ni that (que), ni what (ce que)) was a bombshall to (to indique un déplacement alors que was est un verbe d'état, donc "immobile")or on the market.
It's maybe 1) Maybe serait mieux en tête. 2) pourquoi est-ce au présent ?) a high-tech revolution in the computer age, so that (pourquoi dire: de telle façon que, ce lien de subordination me paraît inexact)the research firm Gartner announced that 10 millions of PC less might have saled.(1) to sell, I sold, sold. 2) ils n'ont pas "été vendus", voix passive, perticipe passé passif)
Réponse: Correction/i-Pad Tablet de mickaelevr, postée le 09-09-2011 à 16:17:31 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre réponse.
Question 1:
Why have PC sales fallen ?
By how much have PC sales declined ?
Ma réponse:
Apple's caused the PC sales fallen. (Sales to fall ?) Indeed, the electronics industry produced the Ipad tablet computer, that (je veux dire “ce qui” ) was a bombshell to or on the market.
It's maybe (au present car c’est encore d’actualité ?)a high-tech revolution in the computer age, so that the research firm Gartner announced that 10 millions of PC less might have sold.
Question 2:
Are there any markets where PC sales are growing ?
Ma réponse:
PC sales are growing in emerging country such Asia. Besides Asia represents 50% of the world PC market.
Questions 3:
How serious is the problem for PC manufacturers ?
What consequences might such a fall in sales have on high-tech companies ?
Ma réponse:
Pc have transformed the way we work for example but Apple’s and his Ipad he might make the same thing, thus, Apple may have become leader in the market. It will be terrible for competition.
It’s undeniably true that the only things people are interested in is making more money. Indeed companies would want to make a profit. Money is the sinews of war. It could bring about the closure of small business moreover the end of PC.
J’espère n'avoir pas fait trop d'erreurs, merci à toute personne acceptant de m'aider.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-09-2011 17:00
Réponse: Correction/i-Pad Tablet de gerondif, postée le 09-09-2011 à 17:38:55 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Question 1:
Why have PC sales fallen ?
By how much have PC sales declined ?(regardez ce paragraphe et calculez le poucentage: )
The research firm, Gartner, has slashed its forecast for the number of PCs(abbréviation plurielle que vous pourrez mettre en correction plus bas) that will be sold this year from 363.5m to 352.4m. And that higher figure was itself a downgrade from March, when the company thought that 366m PCs could be sold this year.
Ma réponse:
Apple's caused the PC sales fallen. (Sales to fall ? oui) Indeed, the electronics industry produced the Ipad tablet computer, that (je veux dire “ce qui”, alors proposez une solution ) was a bombshell to or on(pourquoi proposer deux prépositions?) the market.
It's maybe (1) mettez maybe en premier, 2) la concordance des temps impliquerait un temps du passé)a high-tech revolution in the computer age, so that the research firm Gartner announced that 10 millions of PC less might have (participe passe passif, auxiliaire être)sold.
Question 2:
Are there any markets where PC sales are growing ?
Ma réponse:
PC sales are growing in emerging country(pluriel) such (comment traduire "tels que" ? il manque un mot) Asia. Besides Asia represents 50% of the world PC market.
Questions 3:
How serious is the problem for PC manufacturers ?
What consequences might such a fall in sales have on high-tech companies ?
Ma réponse: (je vous trouve très hors sujet)
Pc** (pluriel) have transformed the way we work for example but Apple’s(pourquoi 's) and his Ipad he(en trop) might make the same thing, thus, Apple may have become leader in the market. It will be terrible for competition (trop général).
It’s undeniably true that the only things people are interested in is making more money (quel rapport avec la question posée ?). Indeed companies would want to make a profit. Money is the sinews of war. It could bring about the closure of small business**(pluriel) moreover(ne convient pas ici) the end of PC.(pluriel)
Réponse: Correction/i-Pad Tablet de mickaelevr, postée le 09-09-2011 à 18:01:54 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup à vous. =)
Question 1:
Why have PC sales fallen ?
Ma réponse:
Apple's caused the PC sales fallen. Indeed, the electronics industry produced the Ipad tablet computer, that (je veux dire “ce qui”, mais je ne suis pas sur que that soit approprié ) was a bombshell to the market.
Maybe it was a high-tech revolution in the computer age, so that the research firm Gartner announced that 10 millions of PC less might be sold.
Question n2:
Are there any markets where PC sales are growing ?
Ma réponse:
PC sales are growing in emerging countries such as Asia. Besides Asia represents 50% of the world PC market.
Questions 3:
How serious is the problem for PC manufacturers ?
What consequences might such a fall in sales have on high-tech companies ?
Ma réponse:
Pcs have transformed the way we work for example but Apple and his Ipad might make the same thing, thus, Apple may have become leader in the market. It will be terrible for competition.
It’s undeniably true that the only things people are interested in is making more money.(sans cette phrase ...? C'était pour déboucher sur la phrase suivante et lancer le "sujet de l'argent".). Indeed companies would want to make a profit. Money is the sinews of war. It could bring about the closure of small businesses furthermore the end of PC.(pluriel)
Il est possible que je n'aie pas bien saisi l'enjeu de la dernière question. Ce qui m’intéresse le plus est de corriger mes fautes. Mais si on souhaite m'aider sur le fond de la question ( en français pour ne pas me mâcher le travail :D) pourquoi pas
Encore merci.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-09-2011 18:21
Réponse: Correction/i-Pad Tablet de sherry48, postée le 10-09-2011 à 15:19:08 (S | E)
Hello mickaelevr.
I have a couple suggestions for the first question.
Don't use the contraction (Apple's).
Instead of 10 millions of PC less might be sold...
1. the word million has no s when there is a quantity before it
2. no preposition (of), and PC should agree in number
3. it's better to place 'less' right after the quantity
4. this has already happened, but 'might be sold' is future
For question 2--countries such as Asia doesn't work since Asia isn't a country.
For question 3, here are some ideas.
1. not his Ipad, since his can only be used for a person
2. leader in the market should have an article
3. In the 'undeniably true sentence', I think it goes too far to say that's the only thing people are interested in. Revise.
4. Maybe a different phrase for 'sinews of war'.
5. I think you could add a little more about the impact on the economy with the collapse of this industry. It would make a good ending.
There may be other suggestions also.
Sherry
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