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Correction/lettre motivation
Message de nicolo03 posté le 19-06-2011 à 12:30:50
Bonjour,
Voilà j'ai dû écrire une lettre de motivation en anglais pour ma future école.
Pourriez-vous me la corrigersvp s'il vous plaît?
Merci pour vos réponses.
La voici:
Madam, Sir,
That done now more than two years that I consult the whole of information concerning your establishment and the formation which it provide. I thus allow myself, by the present one, to send you my application for the academic entry of november 2011, which is justified as much by the job opportunities at the end of the training than the quality of the training.
I'm now 18 years old and I'm currently at the end of the secondary education at the « Institut de la providence » in Champion. Over there, Iwas directed in sciences in order to prepare my future studies as well as possible.
The world of aviation has strongly interested me for now a few years and I must say that this one does not cease to passionate me.
I'm suscribed to the Airliner world magazine and I fly virtually on the IVAO network, it is there that I acquired the majority of my current knowledge.
I've some relations with your currents students of which I draw only from positive informations about the school. The international aspect of the school attracts me particularly. More over, teaching seems to be the best at SFA. The outlets at the end of the course are higher than the standards and that also enormemously interested me.
I look forward to hearing from you, sincerly yours.
Merci à vous.
Nicolas
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-06-2011 12:37
+ forum
+ à 17:15
Votre texte provient de toute évidence d'un traducteur en ligne, ce que nous ne corrigeons pas.
Vous pouvez consulter un dictionnaire (pas un traducteur) en faisant un double clic sur un mot.
Merci de nous proposer un travail personnel qui sera alors sans doute vérifié.
Best wishes.
Message de nicolo03 posté le 19-06-2011 à 12:30:50
Bonjour,
Voilà j'ai dû écrire une lettre de motivation en anglais pour ma future école.
Pourriez-vous me la corriger
Merci pour vos réponses.
La voici:
Madam, Sir,
That done now more than two years that I consult the whole of information concerning your establishment and the formation which it provide. I thus allow myself, by the present one, to send you my application for the academic entry of november 2011, which is justified as much by the job opportunities at the end of the training than the quality of the training.
I'm now 18 years old and I'm currently at the end of the secondary education at the « Institut de la providence » in Champion. Over there, Iwas directed in sciences in order to prepare my future studies as well as possible.
The world of aviation has strongly interested me for now a few years and I must say that this one does not cease to passionate me.
I'm suscribed to the Airliner world magazine and I fly virtually on the IVAO network, it is there that I acquired the majority of my current knowledge.
I've some relations with your currents students of which I draw only from positive informations about the school. The international aspect of the school attracts me particularly. More over, teaching seems to be the best at SFA. The outlets at the end of the course are higher than the standards and that also enormemously interested me.
I look forward to hearing from you, sincerly yours.
Merci à vous.
Nicolas
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-06-2011 12:37
+ forum
+ à 17:15
Votre texte provient de toute évidence d'un traducteur en ligne, ce que nous ne corrigeons pas.
Vous pouvez consulter un dictionnaire (pas un traducteur) en faisant un double clic sur un mot.
Merci de nous proposer un travail personnel qui sera alors sans doute vérifié.
Best wishes.
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 19-06-2011 à 13:03:21
Bonjour,
faites un travail personnel, s'il-vous-plait ! votre première phrase:
That done now more than two years that I consult the whole of information concerning your establishment
(cela fait maintenant plus de deux ans que je consulte tous les renseignements concernant votre établissement)
sent très fort le traducteur automatique.
idem pour: "je suis abonné à" (I am subscribed to)
Vous avez dû écrire:
"celui-ci ne cesse de me passionné " parce que le traducteur donne:
this one does not cease to passionate me.
passionate est un adjectif, pas un verbe !
Si vous laissez votre lettre dans cet état, vous passerez pour quelqu'un de peu sérieux et vos espoirs vont s'envoler.....
