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Lettre commerciale GB
Message de gitango posté le 09-11-2010 à 18:03:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
J'ai rédigé une lettre commerciale pour un de mes cours. Pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger les fautes (grammaire et vocabulaire) et surtout me donner des conseils pour rendre la lettre plus efficace.
Merci d'avance!
Romain
Dear Sir or Madam,
I Would like to introduce myself, my name is Mr X, I am the founding equity partner and the C.E.O. of Celtic Mist ltd, company established in Windsor Great Britain. My partner, Mrs X, and me are both a graduate of The X and originally from Brittany.
Our company has devoted to do research of Sea salt and Algae based Beauty Products for 8 years. We can provide specific kinds of skincare, beauty, body and hair care. Our main customers are not only Hair and Beauty Center, but also well-known SPA Resort and top of the range Department store such as Harrods. Building on its success, Celtic Mist Ltd has recorded a £ 1,250,000 net Turnover for the financial year that ended on January 10th.
Currently, we are located all over the country but market study was carried out by Global Marketing Services has confirmed us Canadian, US and Irish market offer a strong potential for our products. Therefore, We would like to start an export business to these countries.
However, me and my partner have no experience of International trade, so we would like to set up an appointment with you as soon as possible in order to be informed about the range of support services you might offer for exporters, but also and on top of it about how work payment tools such as documentary credit and bill of exchange.
Please do not hesitate to contact me or my partner for any further information. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Mr X
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-11-2010 19:21
Message de gitango posté le 09-11-2010 à 18:03:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
J'ai rédigé une lettre commerciale pour un de mes cours. Pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger les fautes (grammaire et vocabulaire) et surtout me donner des conseils pour rendre la lettre plus efficace.
Merci d'avance!
Romain
Dear Sir or Madam,
I Would like to introduce myself, my name is Mr X, I am the founding equity partner and the C.E.O. of Celtic Mist ltd, company established in Windsor Great Britain. My partner, Mrs X, and me are both a graduate of The X and originally from Brittany.
Our company has devoted to do research of Sea salt and Algae based Beauty Products for 8 years. We can provide specific kinds of skincare, beauty, body and hair care. Our main customers are not only Hair and Beauty Center, but also well-known SPA Resort and top of the range Department store such as Harrods. Building on its success, Celtic Mist Ltd has recorded a £ 1,250,000 net Turnover for the financial year that ended on January 10th.
Currently, we are located all over the country but market study was carried out by Global Marketing Services has confirmed us Canadian, US and Irish market offer a strong potential for our products. Therefore, We would like to start an export business to these countries.
However, me and my partner have no experience of International trade, so we would like to set up an appointment with you as soon as possible in order to be informed about the range of support services you might offer for exporters, but also and on top of it about how work payment tools such as documentary credit and bill of exchange.
Please do not hesitate to contact me or my partner for any further information. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Mr X
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-11-2010 19:21
Réponse: Lettre commerciale GB de lamy, postée le 09-11-2010 à 23:20:48 (S | E)
Bonsoir
Votre lettre me paraît bien construite.
Petits conseils:
1. Attention à la ponctuation.
2. Ne vous présentez jamais en mentionnant Mr ou Mrs… Cela vaut aussi pour le français. Prénom et nom suffisent. Ce sont les autres qui vous diront Monsieur ou autre. C’est ainsi que je n’ai pas corrigé le Mrs que vous avez mis pour présenter votre partenaire.
3. Votre demande de RV est assez directe. Introduisez-la avec un ‘I would be grateful if we could make an appointment in order to…'
4. Supprimez les mentions de crédit documentaire ou de lettre de change tombés en désuétude.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I Would (pas de majuscule) like to introduce myself, : my name is Mr
Our company
Currently, we are located (on s’attend à l’adresse du siège social) our products are sold all over the country but a market study
However, me and my partner and I have no experience of International (pas de majuscule) trade, so we would like to set up make an appointment with you as soon as possible in order to be informed about the range of support services you might offer for exporters, but also and on top of it as well as about how work payment tools the means of payment you would recommend .
such as documentary credits (très rarement utilisé) and bills of exchange (ne s’utilise plus).
Please do not hesitate to contact me or my partner for any further information. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Mr
Réponse: Lettre commerciale GB de gitango, postée le 10-11-2010 à 11:26:56 (S | E)
Merci infiniment Lamy pour votre aide et pour le temps que vous avez consacré à ça! Je vais suivre tous vos conseils.
Romain
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