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Correction/ au pair girl in Ireland
Message de branko88 posté le 07-04-2010 à 15:46:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ! Je prépare actuellement un dossier pour partir à la rentrée en Irlande comme jeune fille au pair. Je demande votre aide pour corriger mes fautes, qui doivent être nombreuses j'imagine, mais sans changer le sens des phrases évidemment. Merci beaucoup pour votre aide précieuse !
Dear family.
My name is ***** and I am twenty one. I born in 28th june 1988 at ****. I live in ***** (in Auvergne it’s near Clermont-Ferrand) with my father since I finished my studies. Before I lived in **** (it’s near Vichy). My mother lives in ***** too with my stepfather and my three young stepbrothers : Jordan 15, Alex 8 and Adrien 4. I have a other brother older than me, Noel 27. It’s hard to be the only girl in a family ! The job of my dad is truck driver, my mum is a housewife, my stepfather doesn't work anymore because he has a heart condition (before he was worker in factory Michelin) and Noel is salesman. For finish the presentation of the family, I have a cat, simply named “cat”.
I chased studies of secretarial and communication. I obtained my vocational diplom and my vocational high school diploma. Last year I prepared a advanced vocational diploma sales force but I did not continue because what is not what I wish to make. This year I have make training course in the tourist jobs and casual jobs (baby sitting, cashier in a supermarket). At present I prepare my driving licence.
I am as every people of my age I love hang up with my friends, going in cinema, make shopping, attend gigs... I practise acting in amateur club, I played in festivals of theater. My troop is called “Les ********” for the moment we are in break. In my theater company there are several groups: the children from five years, the teenagers and the adults. I help the youngest to learn their texts and has to get ready. I spend time to read novels but also for learn my texts. I like listening to music, all music kinds but specially rock music. My favourite international artists/bands are The Stereophonics, Muse, The Cure and many of others. Generally the weekend I go to the swimming pool (I am not really endowed but I like that).
When that my stepfather was hospitalized for a month, two years ago, my mother stayed in the hospital with him I thus took care of my brothers : brought at the school, take care of the house... I am responsible and mature. I am independent and know how to adapt myself quickly. I lived alone when I studied in a new city. I often made of the babysitting. I have a good contact with the children maybe it is because I am very close to my brothers. I spend a lot of time with them. When I was a child my older brother in charge of me and then later I am in charge of my young brother. The oldest takes care of the youngest that he.
I wish to become an “au pair girl” it is to have the opportunity to travel, to change air, to discover a culture and improve my English which is not excellent. If I want to come in Ireland it is for the beauty of the landscapes, its history, its culture. I want to see my own eyes the island emerald.
It seems to me to have say the main part. I hope to have tempted you to welcome me. And if you decide to welcome me you will not regret it. I remain entirely at your disposal for any information additional.
Yours Faithfully
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-04-2010 15:48
Message de branko88 posté le 07-04-2010 à 15:46:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ! Je prépare actuellement un dossier pour partir à la rentrée en Irlande comme jeune fille au pair. Je demande votre aide pour corriger mes fautes, qui doivent être nombreuses j'imagine, mais sans changer le sens des phrases évidemment. Merci beaucoup pour votre aide précieuse !
Dear family.
My name is ***** and I am twenty one. I born in 28th june 1988 at ****. I live in ***** (in Auvergne it’s near Clermont-Ferrand) with my father since I finished my studies. Before I lived in **** (it’s near Vichy). My mother lives in ***** too with my stepfather and my three young stepbrothers : Jordan 15, Alex 8 and Adrien 4. I have a other brother older than me, Noel 27. It’s hard to be the only girl in a family ! The job of my dad is truck driver, my mum is a housewife, my stepfather doesn't work anymore because he has a heart condition (before he was worker in factory Michelin) and Noel is salesman. For finish the presentation of the family, I have a cat, simply named “cat”.
I chased studies of secretarial and communication. I obtained my vocational diplom and my vocational high school diploma. Last year I prepared a advanced vocational diploma sales force but I did not continue because what is not what I wish to make. This year I have make training course in the tourist jobs and casual jobs (baby sitting, cashier in a supermarket). At present I prepare my driving licence.
I am as every people of my age I love hang up with my friends, going in cinema, make shopping, attend gigs... I practise acting in amateur club, I played in festivals of theater. My troop is called “Les ********” for the moment we are in break. In my theater company there are several groups: the children from five years, the teenagers and the adults. I help the youngest to learn their texts and has to get ready. I spend time to read novels but also for learn my texts. I like listening to music, all music kinds but specially rock music. My favourite international artists/bands are The Stereophonics, Muse, The Cure and many of others. Generally the weekend I go to the swimming pool (I am not really endowed but I like that).
When that my stepfather was hospitalized for a month, two years ago, my mother stayed in the hospital with him I thus took care of my brothers : brought at the school, take care of the house... I am responsible and mature. I am independent and know how to adapt myself quickly. I lived alone when I studied in a new city. I often made of the babysitting. I have a good contact with the children maybe it is because I am very close to my brothers. I spend a lot of time with them. When I was a child my older brother in charge of me and then later I am in charge of my young brother. The oldest takes care of the youngest that he.
I wish to become an “au pair girl” it is to have the opportunity to travel, to change air, to discover a culture and improve my English which is not excellent. If I want to come in Ireland it is for the beauty of the landscapes, its history, its culture. I want to see my own eyes the island emerald.
It seems to me to have say the main part. I hope to have tempted you to welcome me. And if you decide to welcome me you will not regret it. I remain entirely at your disposal for any information additional.
Yours Faithfully
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-04-2010 15:48
Réponse: Correction/ au pair girl in Ireland de khalid1970, postée le 15-04-2010 à 00:30:02 (S | E)
Bonjour,
My name is ***** and I am twenty one. I was born in 28th june 1988 at ****. I live with my father in ***** (in Auvergne it’s near Clermont-Ferrand) since I finished my studies. Before moving to live with my father, I used to live in **** (it’s near Vichy). My mother lives in ***** too with my stepfather and my three young stepbrothers : Jordan 15, Alex 8 and Adrien 4, à reformuler: my mother lives with... I have another brother, who 's older than me; his name is Noel and he's 27. It’s hard to be the only girl in a family !
cordialement
Réponse: Correction/ au pair girl in Ireland de irishseb, postée le 21-04-2010 à 17:33:45 (S | E)
Hello, voici les corrections que j'apporterais:
'Dear family.
My name is ***** and I am twenty one. I was born on 28th june 1988 in ****. I have been living in ***** (in Auvergne it’s near Clermont-Ferrand) with my father since I finished my studies.
[Last year I prepared an advanced vocational diploma sales force but I did not continue because what is not what I wish to make. This year I have make training course in the tourist jobs and casual jobs (baby sitting, cashier in a supermarket). At present I prepare my driving licence.]--> honnêtement, ça je ne le mettrais pas car ça peut être perçu comme un point négatif
At the minute, I am preparing my driving license.
[When that my stepfather was hospitalized for a month, two years ago]---> Two years ago, my stepfather was hospitalized for a month, and my mother stayed in the hospital with him; I thus took care of my kid brothers :
I lived alone when I was a student in a new city. I often made
I wish to become an “au pair girl”
Yours Faithfully"
L' Irlande est un très bon choix, c'est un pays magnifique (j'ai la chance d'y habiter
) 
EDIT : j'ai voulu utiliser la mise en forme avancée mais ça ne marche pas: comment faut-il s'y prendre????
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Modifié par irishseb le 21-04-2010 17:54
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Modifié par irishseb le 25-04-2010 12:47
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Modifié par irishseb le 25-04-2010 18:50
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