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Application letter /correction
Message de valdu08 posté le 21-12-2009 à 15:33:46 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Could you tell me if I've made errors in this letter.
Thanks in advance.
Dear Madam, dear Mister,
I’m currently in the last year of my degree course in lycée Chanzy and I would like to become a Young European ambassador.
First of all, I’ve to say that since the beginning of this Comenius Project I’m very motivated. I feel like this expérience is going to greatly help me in my future studies and above all in my Professional life.
Next year I hope to enter in a science politics institute and I’m certain that if I participate to this project, it will give me essential skills and knowledge that will become huge trumps for my future.
Over and above all as a passionnate of history, geography and economics subjects I couldn’t avoid to send my application letter.
Furthermore, the courses that I can performa at lycée Chanzy enable me to understand better the European problem. Indeed, since the tenth grade, two hours a week, as part of the European section, I keep up history and English lessons in british language.
As a consequence, when I’ve learnt that we were going to follow the Comenius programm, « Unity in diversity », with Mr it was for me a normal continuation. So, each week with our economics teacher, we study documents and speak about « Immigration, economic, social and cultural aspects » on the European continent. It prepares us to tackle the difficult European subject more easily.
To conclude, I feel totally motivated and mentally ready to represent my establishment next April in Verone.
Hoping thaht my candidature retain all your attention, please accept the assurances of my highest consideration.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 21-12-2009 15:37
+ forum
Message de valdu08 posté le 21-12-2009 à 15:33:46 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Could you tell me if I've made errors in this letter.
Thanks in advance.
Dear Madam, dear Mister,
I’m currently in the last year of my degree course in lycée Chanzy and I would like to become a Young European ambassador.
First of all, I’ve to say that since the beginning of this Comenius Project I’m very motivated. I feel like this expérience is going to greatly help me in my future studies and above all in my Professional life.
Next year I hope to enter in a science politics institute and I’m certain that if I participate to this project, it will give me essential skills and knowledge that will become huge trumps for my future.
Over and above all as a passionnate of history, geography and economics subjects I couldn’t avoid to send my application letter.
Furthermore, the courses that I can performa at lycée Chanzy enable me to understand better the European problem. Indeed, since the tenth grade, two hours a week, as part of the European section, I keep up history and English lessons in british language.
As a consequence, when I’ve learnt that we were going to follow the Comenius programm, « Unity in diversity », with Mr it was for me a normal continuation. So, each week with our economics teacher, we study documents and speak about « Immigration, economic, social and cultural aspects » on the European continent. It prepares us to tackle the difficult European subject more easily.
To conclude, I feel totally motivated and mentally ready to represent my establishment next April in Verone.
Hoping thaht my candidature retain all your attention, please accept the assurances of my highest consideration.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 21-12-2009 15:37
+ forum
Réponse: Application letter /correction de seb06000, postée le 21-12-2009 à 16:00:07 (S | E)
Hello,
here is some help to correct your text:
Dear Madam, dear Mister,
I’m currently in the last year of my degree course in lycée Chanzy and I would like to become a Young European ambassador.
First of all, I’ve( pas de forme contractée à l'écrit) to say that since the beginning of this Comenius Project I’m very motivated( ordre des mots) . I feel like this expérience is going to greatly( position de l'adverbe) help me in my future studies and above all in my Professional life.
Next year I hope to enter in( pas de préposition) a science politics institute and I’m certain that if I participate to this project, it will give me essential skills and knowledge that will become huge trumps for my future.
Over and above all as a passionnate of history, geography and economics subjects( Il faut mettre une majuscule aux matières, subjects est inutile, passionate ne marche pas ici) I couldn’t avoid to send my application letter.
Furthermore, the courses that I can perform at (préposition) lycée Chanzy enable me to understand better the European problem. Indeed, since the tenth grade, two hours a week, as part of the European section, I keep up history and English lessons in british( majuscule) language.
As a consequence, when I’ve learnt that we were going to follow( calque) the Comenius programm, « Unity in diversity », with Mr it was for me a normal continuation. So, each week with our economics teacher, we study documents and speak about « Immigration, economic, social and cultural aspects » on the European continent. It prepares us to tackle the difficult European subject more easily.
To conclude, I feel totally motivated and mentally ready to represent my establishment next April in Verone.
Hoping thaht (orth) my candidature retain all your attention, please accept the assurances of my highest consideration.
That's what I've found, some mistakes may remain!
Regards
sébastien
-------------------
Modifié par seb06000 le 21-12-2009 16:00
Forgot my English! 4 hours'
Réponse: Application letter /correction de krnntp, postée le 22-12-2009 à 02:20:40 (S | E)
Dear Madam, dear Mister,
("Dear Sirs and Madams" would be a more typical way to start a formal letter),
I’m currently in the last year of my degree course in lycée Chanzy and I would like to become a Young European ambassador.
First of all, I’ve to say that since the beginning of this Comenius Project I’m very motivated.
(Do you mean "I have to say" - "I really want to express this thought"? If so, don't contract "I have", leave it intact. With "to have to" (obligation), you don't contract the "have", you emphasize it instead.)
("since the beginning of this project", or "since the beginning of the Comenius Project". With a named thing, you don't need to use "this", there's no question of "which Comenius Project?" There's only one... I think?)
("since such and such a time I have been very motivated" - a repeated or ongoing action which started in the past and continues into the present.)
Next year I hope to enter in (to enter, or maybe, to attend) a science politics (I'm not sure - maybe this is "political science"?) institute and I’m certain that if I participate to (participate in) this project, it will give me essential skills and knowledge that will become huge trumps for my future ("trumps" looks out of place in this letter - it sounds a little too colloquial - I would say "that will be hugely beneficial for my future", or "that I will make great use of in the future", "that will greatly help me in the future", "that will be a great resource for me in the future", "that will be a great help in the future", etc.)
Over and above all as a passionnate (a passionate something - maybe, "a passionate student"?) of history, geography and economics
Furthermore, the courses that I can performa (maybe you should use study here. Also, there's a spelling mistake or typo) at lycée Chanzy enable me to understand better (to better understand) the European problem. Indeed, since the tenth grade, two hours a week, as part of the European section, I keep up (I've taken) history and English lessons in british language. (in the English language)
As a consequence, when I’ve learnt (use past tense, not past participle) that we were going to follow the Comenius programm, « Unity in diversity », with Mr it was for me a normal continuation. So, each week with our economics teacher, we study documents and speak about « Immigration, economic, social and cultural aspects » on the European continent. It prepares us to tackle the difficult European subject more easily.
To conclude, I feel totally motivated and mentally ready to represent my establishment next April in Verone.
Hoping that my candidature (candidacy) will retain all your attention (I might try saying, meet with your approval (very polite way to say "be approved by you") instead of retain all your attention (which is not so understandable in English) ), please accept the assurances of my highest consideration.
Best regards - krnntp
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