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Correction/science fiction story
Message de kevinchicoutimi posté le 06-12-2009 à 17:00:17 (S | E | F)
Voici un petit texte en Anglais (ou qui ressemble à de l'anglais)... C'est l'histoire d'un peuple, c'est de "la science fiction"... Pouvez vous m'aider à le corriger en m'expliquant mes erreurs ? Merci d'avance !
On this island, people have a strange history. And the most off them, have forgotten her..
Before, the Stallfz were frogs. They were happy, and they used to live near pools on the earth planet. But progressively, human people began to eat them. Indeed, they loved to eat frog's legs.
So, a famous scientist, the professor Stafenburger, mad genetics mutation about them because he wanted to give us, more size and more resistance. In the beginning, all was well, human people were happy because the frogs were more delicious and more bigger than before. But in the twenty-one century, the genetic mutation to became faster.... Most of human people whose has eaten genetic frogs, were seek. And for the frogs, the consequence was exeptionnal : the genetic mutation accentuated their transformations : they began more intelligent.
So, near the pools, the frogs get organised in secret community to fight against human people... The world was in state of war and finally, the frogs have won the battle. After this war, the life was beautiful for the frogs. Slowly, in this new world, the frogs developed her capacity, for example their paws to turn into arms. The frogs decided to changed human people in steaks for hamburgers. Likewise, the frogs would to play with human children, like they were domestic animals... So, without the domination off human people, daily was more pleasant.
Human people were very jealous, so they tryed to recupered the power... There was a revolution, but they failed.. It was the end off humanity.
.
During this revolution, human people used nuclear arm and they emptyed the pools off the earth. So, after this war, the life for the frogs was difficult. Indeed, there was a starvasion.. And finally, the surviving frogs decided to lived in an island, but in this island, there are just fruits. From that time, the frogs have dominated the world.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-12-2009 17:39
Message de kevinchicoutimi posté le 06-12-2009 à 17:00:17 (S | E | F)
Voici un petit texte en Anglais (ou qui ressemble à de l'anglais)... C'est l'histoire d'un peuple, c'est de "la science fiction"... Pouvez vous m'aider à le corriger en m'expliquant mes erreurs ? Merci d'avance !
On this island, people have a strange history. And the most off them, have forgotten her..
Before, the Stallfz were frogs. They were happy, and they used to live near pools on the earth planet. But progressively, human people began to eat them. Indeed, they loved to eat frog's legs.
So, a famous scientist, the professor Stafenburger, mad genetics mutation about them because he wanted to give us, more size and more resistance. In the beginning, all was well, human people were happy because the frogs were more delicious and more bigger than before. But in the twenty-one century, the genetic mutation to became faster.... Most of human people whose has eaten genetic frogs, were seek. And for the frogs, the consequence was exeptionnal : the genetic mutation accentuated their transformations : they began more intelligent.
So, near the pools, the frogs get organised in secret community to fight against human people... The world was in state of war and finally, the frogs have won the battle. After this war, the life was beautiful for the frogs. Slowly, in this new world, the frogs developed her capacity, for example their paws to turn into arms. The frogs decided to changed human people in steaks for hamburgers. Likewise, the frogs would to play with human children, like they were domestic animals... So, without the domination off human people, daily was more pleasant.
Human people were very jealous, so they tryed to recupered the power... There was a revolution, but they failed.. It was the end off humanity.
.
During this revolution, human people used nuclear arm and they emptyed the pools off the earth. So, after this war, the life for the frogs was difficult. Indeed, there was a starvasion.. And finally, the surviving frogs decided to lived in an island, but in this island, there are just fruits. From that time, the frogs have dominated the world.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-12-2009 17:39
Réponse: Correction/science fiction story de titomm, postée le 06-12-2009 à 17:32:38 (S | E)
Hello...
Je ne suis pas bilingue mais voilà ce que j'ai pu voir comme erreur.
On this island, people have a strange history. And
Before, the Stallfz were frogs. They were happy, and they used to live near pools on the earth planet. But progressively, human people began to eat them. Indeed, they loved to eat frog's legs.
So, a famous scientist, the professor Stafenburger, madE genetics mutation (l'adjectif est toujours invariable, par contre ce sont plusieurs mutations) about (peut etre un autre adverbe?? A confirmer) them because he wanted to give us (us ou them???), more size and more resistance. In the beginning, all was well, human people were happy because the frogs were more delicious and
So, near the pools, the frogs get (passé --> preterit!) organised in secret community to fight against human people... The world was in state of war and finally, the frogs have won the battle. After this war, the life was beautiful for the frogs. Slowly, in this new world, the frogs developed her capacity (pluriel) , for example their paws to turn (à conjuguer) into arms. The frogs decided to change
Human people were very jealous, so they tryed (avec les verbe finissant par "-y", la plupart remplacent leur "y" par un "i" au preterit") to recupere
.
During this revolution, human people used nuclear arm and they emptyed (pareil ici avec le "y") the pools of
Voilà ce que j'ai pu faire... Aussi faudrait-il éviter les "the frogs", c'est général, enfin pour moi!! A demander aux personnes plus confirmées!!
I hope I helped you... See you... titomm
Réponse: Correction/science fiction story de kevinchicoutimi, postée le 06-12-2009 à 20:27:38 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !
Réponse: Correction/science fiction story de seb06000, postée le 06-12-2009 à 20:45:34 (S | E)
bonsoir;
quelques précisions:
-most of + have
-. In the beginning, all ( erreur de préposition)
-he frogs were more delicious and more bigger => en effet il faut passer par un 'intensificateur' de l'adjectif => much => much bigger
- became faster..( je ne mettrais pas 'became' mais un autre verbe qui reprendrait faster)
-Most of human people whose (whose = dont; qui = ??) has eaten ( most + have)
-he consequence was exeptionnal ( ortho de l'adjectif)
-to recupered (orthographe!!) the power... T => to recuper n'existe pas en anglais
====> Note pour Titomm, 'The frogs' ne pose aucun problème. 'the' renvoie à un dénominateur connu, c'est comme un semi-démonstratif, les grenouilles font partie du connu
Courage!
sebastien
Réponse: Correction/science fiction story de kevinchicoutimi, postée le 06-12-2009 à 20:55:22 (S | E)
J'ai suivis vos conseils, merci encore !
On this island, people have a strange history. And the most of them, have forgotten it.. I'am going to tell to you this history.
Before, the Stallfz were frogs. They were happy, and they used to live near pools on the earth planet. But progressively, human people began to eat them. Indeed, they loved to eat frog's legs.
So, a famous scientist, the professor Stafenburger, made genetic mutations about them because he wanted to give them, more size and more resistance. At the beginning, all was well, human people were happy because the frogs were more delicious and much bigger than before. But in the thirtieth century, the genetic mutations became faster.... Most of human people who has eaten genetic frogs, were sick. And for the frogs, the consequence was exeptional : the genetic mutations accentuated their transformations : they have began more intelligent.
So, near the pools, the frogs got organised in secret community to fight against human people... The world was in state of war and finally, the frogs have won the battle. After this war, the life was beautiful for the frogs. Slowly, in this new world, the frogs developed their capacities, for example their paws turned into arms. The frogs decided to change human people in steaks for hamburgers. Likewise, the frogs would play with human children, like they were domestic animals... So, without the domination off human people, daily was more funny !
Human people were very jealous, so they tried to recover the power... There was a revolution, but they failed.. It was the end off humanity.
During this revolution, human people used nuclear arm and they emptied many pools on the earth. So, after this war, the life for the frogs was difficult. Indeed, there was a starvasion.. And finally, the surviving frogs decided to lived in an island, but in this island, there are just fruit. From that time, the frogs have dominated the world.
Réponse: Correction/science fiction story de seb06000, postée le 06-12-2009 à 21:12:28 (S | E)
re!
je vous indique les éventuelles corrections :
- to tell to you this history. => to tell somebody
- became faster..=> il faut un verbe qui regroupe ces deux notions => to ac....
-Most of human people who has ( most + have)
- was exeptional ( ortho)
- they have began ( erreur de conjugaison et choix du verbe)
- in secret community (marque du pluriel)
- there are just fruit.( marque du pluriel)
Je crois que cela doit être bon!
Réponse: Correction/science fiction story de titomm, postée le 06-12-2009 à 23:59:56 (S | E)
Ok.. Thanks Seb' for your precisions.
Good night everyone... And sweet dreams..
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