<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas
Billy Elliot
Message de damien13 posté le 20-11-2009 à 19:05:17 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mon expression?
J'ai mis mon expression en français puis en anglais. Merci d'avance.
Billy est un adolescent qui vit dans une ville minière en Angleterre, dans une maison de brique identique à toutes celles du voisinage avec son père Jackie, son grand frère Tony et sa grand-mère. Sa mère est décédée. Billy va à l'école et prend des cours de boxe après la classe. Son père l'y accompagne et le pousse, croyant qu'une réussite dans ce domaine les sortira de l'embarras financier dans lequel ils sont. Mais la boxe ne lui plaît pas et il préférerait faire de la danse comme les filles à l'autre bout du gymnase. Alors, en secret de son père, il va à la danse plutôt qu'à la boxe.
La scène étudier commence au gymnase quand son père le surprend en train de danser. Billy est foncé de rentrer chez lui sans dire un mot. Billy savais qu’il avait déçu son père, pour lui la danse est un sport réservé aux filles. Et lui en tant que garçon devait pratiquer le football, la lutte, la boxe.. Son père culpabilise et se demande pourquoi son fils n’est pas comme ces autres camarades ? Mais Billy est obstiné, il affirme qu’il ne veut pas ressembler à tous ces amis, il dit a son père que ce sport le rend heureux. Et il ne comprend pas ce sport qui nécessite de s’ensanglanté, de se faire mal . Billy est décidé à poursuivre sa vocation pour la danse même si son père s’y oppose fortement.
Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England, a brick house identical to all those of the vicinity with his Jackie father, his Tony big brother and his grandmother. His mother died. Billy goes to school and takes courses of boxing after the class. His father accompanies there and pushes it, believer that a success in this field will leave them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are. But it does not like boxing and he would prefer to make dance like the girls with the other end of the gymnasium. Then, in secrecy of his father, it goes to the dance rather than to boxing.
The scene to study starts with the gymnasium when his father surprises it dancing. Billy is dark to return at his place without saying a mot. Billy knew that it had disappointed his father, for him the dance is a sport reserved to the girls. And him as a boy was to practice football, the fight, and boxing. Does his father makes feel guilty and asks for why his son is not like these other comrades? But Billy is been obstinate, it affirms that it does not want to resemble all these friends; it says has his father that this sport makes it happy. And he doesn’t include understand this sport which requires bloody, to be hurt.
Billy is decided to continue its vocation for the dance even if his father strongly opposes it.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-11-2009 21:33
Message de damien13 posté le 20-11-2009 à 19:05:17 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mon expression?
J'ai mis mon expression en français puis en anglais. Merci d'avance.
Billy est un adolescent qui vit dans une ville minière en Angleterre, dans une maison de brique identique à toutes celles du voisinage avec son père Jackie, son grand frère Tony et sa grand-mère. Sa mère est décédée. Billy va à l'école et prend des cours de boxe après la classe. Son père l'y accompagne et le pousse, croyant qu'une réussite dans ce domaine les sortira de l'embarras financier dans lequel ils sont. Mais la boxe ne lui plaît pas et il préférerait faire de la danse comme les filles à l'autre bout du gymnase. Alors, en secret de son père, il va à la danse plutôt qu'à la boxe.
La scène étudier commence au gymnase quand son père le surprend en train de danser. Billy est foncé de rentrer chez lui sans dire un mot. Billy savais qu’il avait déçu son père, pour lui la danse est un sport réservé aux filles. Et lui en tant que garçon devait pratiquer le football, la lutte, la boxe.. Son père culpabilise et se demande pourquoi son fils n’est pas comme ces autres camarades ? Mais Billy est obstiné, il affirme qu’il ne veut pas ressembler à tous ces amis, il dit a son père que ce sport le rend heureux. Et il ne comprend pas ce sport qui nécessite de s’ensanglanté, de se faire mal . Billy est décidé à poursuivre sa vocation pour la danse même si son père s’y oppose fortement.
Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England, a brick house identical to all those of the vicinity with his Jackie father, his Tony big brother and his grandmother. His mother died. Billy goes to school and takes courses of boxing after the class. His father accompanies there and pushes it, believer that a success in this field will leave them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are. But it does not like boxing and he would prefer to make dance like the girls with the other end of the gymnasium. Then, in secrecy of his father, it goes to the dance rather than to boxing.
The scene to study starts with the gymnasium when his father surprises it dancing. Billy is dark to return at his place without saying a mot. Billy knew that it had disappointed his father, for him the dance is a sport reserved to the girls. And him as a boy was to practice football, the fight, and boxing. Does his father makes feel guilty and asks for why his son is not like these other comrades? But Billy is been obstinate, it affirms that it does not want to resemble all these friends; it says has his father that this sport makes it happy. And he doesn’t include understand this sport which requires bloody, to be hurt.
Billy is decided to continue its vocation for the dance even if his father strongly opposes it.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-11-2009 21:33
Réponse: Billy Elliot de brettdallen, postée le 20-11-2009 à 20:59:44 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Tout d'abord, bravo pour ce choix! Ce film est vraiment vivifiant!(pensez à voir "Les heures", si ce n'est déjà fait....)
Billy est un adolescent qui vit dans une ville minière en Angleterre, dans une maison de brique identique à toutes celles du voisinage avec son père Jackie, son grand frère Tony et sa grand-mère. Sa mère est décédée. Billy va à l'école et prend des cours de boxe après la classe. Son père l'y accompagne et le pousse, croyant qu'une réussite dans ce domaine les sortira de l'embarras financier dans lequel ils sont. Mais la boxe ne lui plaît pas et il préférerait faire de la danse comme les filles à l'autre bout du gymnase. Alors, en secret de son père, il va à la danse plutôt qu'à la boxe.
La scène étudier commence au gymnase quand son père le surprend en train de danser. Billy est foncé de rentrer chez lui sans dire un mot. Billy savais qu’il avait déçu son père, pour lui la danse est un sport réservé aux filles. Et lui en tant que garçon devait pratiquer le football, la lutte, la boxe.. Son père culpabilise et se demande pourquoi son fils n’est pas comme ces autres camarades ? Mais Billy est obstiné, il affirme qu’il ne veut pas ressembler à tous ces amis, il dit a son père que ce sport le rend heureux. Et il ne comprend pas ce sport qui nécessite de s’ensanglanté, de se faire mal . Billy est décidé à poursuivre sa vocation pour la danse même si son père s’y oppose fortement.
Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England,(in) a brick house identical to all those of("in") the vicinity(pause!!)He lives with his Jackie father(inversez l'ordre), his Tony big brother(idem) and his grandmother. His mother died. Billy goes to school and takes courses of boxing after the class. His father accompanies(him) there and pushes it("it" = what/who?), believer(participe présent) that a success in this field will(je dirais "would") leave them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are(mal tourné). But it(Billy? soyez sympa, dites "He") does not like boxing and he would? prefer to
The scene to study starts with the gymnasium when his father surprises it dancing. Billy is dark? to return at his place without saying a mot(pourquoi chercher à traduire?
). Billy knew that it Billy is decided to continue its vocation for the dance even if his father strongly opposes it.
Je n'ai pas pu finir de vous "corriger", problème Pc, désolé..
Réponse: Billy Elliot de damien13, postée le 21-11-2009 à 19:03:17 (S | E)
J'ai modifié quelques erreurs pouvez vous m'aider à nouveau ? Merci d'avance.
Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England, in a brick house identical to all those of the vicinity. He lives with his father Jackie, his brother big Tony and his grandmother. His mother died. Billy goes to school and takes courses of boxing after the class. His father accompanies him there and pushes he, believing that a success in this field would leave them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are. But he does not like boxing and he would? Prefer to dance like the girls with he sees at the other end of the gymnasium. Then, in secrecy of his father, he goes to the dance rather than to boxing.
The scene to study starts with the gymnasium when his father surprises he dancing. Billy is dark? to return at his place without saying a word. Billy knew that it disappointed his father. For him the dance is a sport reserved to the girls. And him fighting, and boxing. Does his father makes feel guilty and asks why his son is not like these his other comrades mates? But Billy is obstinate, it affirms that it does not want to resemble all these friends; it says has his father that this sport makes it happy. And he doesn’t include understand this sport which requires bloody, to be hurt.
Billy is decided to continue its vocation for the dance even if his father strongly opposes it.
Réponse: Billy Elliot de brettdallen, postée le 21-11-2009 à 22:23:22 (S | E)
Bonsoir Damien,
Je surligne ce qui ne va pas...
Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England, in a brick house identical to all those of the vicinity. He lives with his father Jackie, his brother big(ordre) Tony and his grandmother. His mother died. Billy goes to school and takes courses of boxing(ordre) after the class(ou "school"). His father accompanies him there and pushes he(pas un sujet! il faut un complément), believing that a success in this field would leave(contresens) them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are. But he does not like boxing and he would?(ok) Prefer to dance like the girls
The scene to study starts with("at") the gymnasium when his father surprises he(il faut encore un pronom complément) dancing. Billy is dark?(je ne vois pas ce que vous vouliez dire) to return at his place without saying a word. Billy knew that it disappointed his father. For him the dance is a sport reserved to the girls. And him fighting, and boxing(maladroit et ambigu). Does his father makes feel guilty and asks why his son is not like
Billy is decided to continue its(déterminant possessif!) vocation for the dance even if his father strongly opposes it.
Refaites le point 1)Pronoms personnels sujets 2)Pronoms personnels compléments 3)Déterminants possessifs, et vous éviterez de nombreuses fautes(mal appréciées de vos correcteurs).
Bon travail!
Réponse: Billy Elliot de damien13, postée le 22-11-2009 à 09:15:53 (S | E)
Voici mes nouvelles modifications. Merci beaucoup de m'aider.
Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England, in a brick house identical to all those of the vicinity. He lives with his father Jackie, his big brother Tony and his grandmother. His mother died. Billy goes to school and takes boxing of courses after the class. His father accompanies him there and pushes him believing that a success in this field would remove them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are. But he does not like boxing and he would? Prefer to dance like the girls he sees at the other end of the gymnasium. Then, in secrecy of his father, he goes to the dance rather than to boxing.
The scene to study starts at the gymnasium when his father surprises him dancing. Billy is forced to return at his place without saying a word. Billy knew that it disappointed his father. For him the dance is a sport reserved to the girls and him fighting, and boxing. His father probably feels guilty and he may wonder why his son is not like the other boys of his old. But Billy is obstinate, him affirms that he does not want to resemble all these friends; He has tells his father that this sport makes him happy. And he doesn’t understand boxing, which requires bloody, being hurt.
Billy is decided to continue his vocation for the dance even if his father strongly opposes it.
Réponse: Billy Elliot de cecil_ward, postée le 24-11-2009 à 11:47:00 (S | E)
> Billy is a teenager who lives in a mining city in England,
The word "town" would be better than "city" here. "Cities" are few in number, restricted to a group which would all have well-known names, and since the name is not given here, "city" feels unnatural. In contrast "towns" are small and numerous.
> to all those of the vicinity.
"in the vicinity (of x)" is a fixed idiom - not "of". In fact "in the vicinity of _x_" meaning "near to x" is so well established that "in the vicinity _of_" is expected, and "in the neighbourhood" would be perhaps more natural as the word "neighbourhood" is used frequently used standalone without the need to say what it is in the neighbourhood _of_. Example: it's not a nice neighbourhood. (=area [surrounding the place understood/assumed].
> takes boxing of courses after the class.
- ? don't understand this - does this mean "takes boxing lessons after school"? (and the word "course" doesn't fit here)
> His father accompanies him there
"accompany" is a bit too formal, and simply "comes/goes (along) with him" would be more natural.
> would remove them the pecuniary difficulty in which they are.
The word "pecuniary" is very formal, and rarely used. "financial difficulties" would be fine. The noun "difficulty" is used in the plural (compare "my hopes, dreams") when its used to mean the condition/situation in general surrounding something.
- "in which they are" is awkward and this word order can sound stilted;
- "the difficult/ies (that) they are in" would sound more natural. (or "their financial difficulties")
> of the gymnasium.
too formal - abbreviate to "gym" more natural and colloquial. The abbreviation is so common that the full word is not frequently heard.
> Then, in secrecy of his father, he goes to the dance rather than to boxing.
unfortunately you can't say "secrecy of (person-who-does-not-know)"; you can say "he (verb) in secret" or "he secretly (verb)" (example here: he secretly goes dancing) but there's not a way of saying who is being kept in the dark using these structures. But note: "he kept it [=activity, information] (a) secret from (person)"
So you'd have to say something like
unknown to his father, he secretly goes dancing
> goes to the dance
- "the dance" would mean "a particular _event_ where there is dancing", or a particular timed activity, because you used "the", rather than meaning the activity of dancing in general.
Examples: I go Salsa dancing whenever I can. I'm no good at dancing, but I like singing.
Their dancing was rubbish, but the singing part was great. (=a particular performance)
> The scene to study starts at the gymnasium
- don't understand this
> when his father surprises him dancing.
- need "catches him" here. Example: he caught me smoking, and I had promised him I would give up. [=saw x and x was smoking[
- "surprises him"
- examples: they surprised her by jumping out and revealing a birthday cake they had made for her.
His abilities surprised me[=be surprising, unexpected], I was impressed.
> Billy is forced to return at his place
- "return home"
> the dance is a sport reserved to the girls
- no "the"; and "dancing" would be better (but "dance" is used for "the art form" - compare "music", "drama", "fine art")
- needs to be "reserved _for_ (the) girls"
- and "dance" is not a "sport" in English. ("sports" are eg football, tennis; not singing, sculpture, acting) (Apart from in humourous usage: example: My favourite sport is drinking (=ie I don't do any physical activity at all)
> and him fighting,
- don't understand this
> boys of his old.
"of his age" [=boys who are the same age as him] ("old" is an adjective)
> him affirms that
"he" not "him"
and "affirms" is extremely formal and rarely used (in a courtroom, in philosophy logic, formal writing)
try "he is determined to (be/do x)..." or "he is determined that [clause]" so here
"he is deter
<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
