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Hyde park/Correction
Message de truc posté le 19-10-2009 à 21:52:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
j'ai parfois quelques difficultés à bien rédiger un dialogue en anglais. Pourriez-vous, si cela nous vous dérange pas, vérifier si mon dialogue est correct et s'il y a des choses à améliorer. Merci infiniment !
Voici mon dialogue :
The scene is set in London, in Hyde park. Susie has just shown to William her painting. William is surprised because he did not know that Susie was an artist. He only knew that she was clever.
She looked at him timidly. She was at a loss to know what to say. Then eventually she said :
“ I write, you know, I talk about this and that, I talk about this world and somewhere else, about my reality and my dreams !... I write poems too...”
Perplexed, he questioned her :
“ Why didn't you reveal these qualities before ?”
She had difficulty in hiding her embarrassment. Talking about her was difficult. A few seconds after, she replied :
“I am likely to be introvert. Only my family knows me well. Roughly, to know me you have to love me and to love me you have to know me !...”
He remained speechless. He was astonished at her sincerity. He was all the more surprised since he discovered a new facet of her personality. He did not know what to say. A thing was sure : His attraction for her was increased by this personality that he enjoyed. Yes, he loved her ! He did not know why, but he loved her. It was ineffable, inexpressible. Without knowing why nor how he spoke, he declared solemnly :
“Life reserve us so much surprises !...”
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Modifié par bridg le 19-10-2009 22:34
titre distinctif
Message de truc posté le 19-10-2009 à 21:52:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
j'ai parfois quelques difficultés à bien rédiger un dialogue en anglais. Pourriez-vous, si cela nous vous dérange pas, vérifier si mon dialogue est correct et s'il y a des choses à améliorer. Merci infiniment !
Voici mon dialogue :
The scene is set in London, in Hyde park. Susie has just shown to William her painting. William is surprised because he did not know that Susie was an artist. He only knew that she was clever.
She looked at him timidly. She was at a loss to know what to say. Then eventually she said :
“ I write, you know, I talk about this and that, I talk about this world and somewhere else, about my reality and my dreams !... I write poems too...”
Perplexed, he questioned her :
“ Why didn't you reveal these qualities before ?”
She had difficulty in hiding her embarrassment. Talking about her was difficult. A few seconds after, she replied :
“I am likely to be introvert. Only my family knows me well. Roughly, to know me you have to love me and to love me you have to know me !...”
He remained speechless. He was astonished at her sincerity. He was all the more surprised since he discovered a new facet of her personality. He did not know what to say. A thing was sure : His attraction for her was increased by this personality that he enjoyed. Yes, he loved her ! He did not know why, but he loved her. It was ineffable, inexpressible. Without knowing why nor how he spoke, he declared solemnly :
“Life reserve us so much surprises !...”
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 19-10-2009 22:34
titre distinctif
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de truc, postée le 20-10-2009 à 18:33:25 (S | E)
Ah oui, j'oubliais : Je m'excuse par ailleurs de la banalité de ma rédaction, qui est somme toute un cliché de l'amour, à l'eau de rose.
Mais bon, après l'important est d'exercer la langue, c'est surtout la forme que j'aimerais vérifier.
Merci encore à ceux qui prendront le temps de m'aider.
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Modifié par truc le 20-10-2009 18:33
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de truc, postée le 22-10-2009 à 17:17:50 (S | E)
Ma rédaction est parfaite ?
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de truc, postée le 25-10-2009 à 21:11:02 (S | E)
Sérieusement, il n'y a rien à corriger ?
Si il y a quelque chose qui ne va pas dans ma rédaction, pouvez-vous, s'il vous plait, me l'indiquer ? Please ?
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de lucile83, postée le 25-10-2009 à 21:19:42 (S | E)
Hello,
The scene is set in London, in Hyde park. Susie has just shown to William her painting. William is surprised because he did not know that Susie was an artist. He only knew that she was clever.
She looked at him timidly. She was at a loss to know what to say. Then eventually she said :
“ I write, you know, I talk about this and that, I talk about this world and somewhere else, about my reality and my dreams !... I write poems too...”
Perplexed, he questioned her :
“ Why didn't you reveal these qualities before ?”
She had difficulty in hiding her embarrassment. Talking about her was difficult. A few seconds after, she replied :
“I am likely to be an introvert. Only my family knows me well. Roughly, to know me you have to love me and to love me you have to know me !...”
He remained speechless. He was astonished at her sincerity. He was all the more surprised since he discovered a new facet of her personality. He did not know what to say. A thing was sure : His attraction for her was increased by this personality that he enjoyed. Yes, he loved her ! He did not know why, but he loved her. It was ineffable, inexpressible. Without knowing why nor how he spoke, he declared solemnly :
“Life reserve us so much surprises !...”
Best wishes.
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de truc, postée le 26-10-2009 à 09:35:19 (S | E)
Bonjour !
Merci à vous d'avoir pris du temps pour corriger les erreurs que j'ai faites. Si cela nous vous dérange pas, j'ai quelques petites questions concernant ces erreurs :
1/ "The scene is set" ça ne se dit pas ? Il ne s'agit pas d'un synonyme de " The scene takes place " ?
2/ "Susie has just shown William her painting", c'est mieux ?
3/ "by this personality which he enjoyed", c'est mieux ou non ?
4/ "It was ineffable, inexpressible." Ces deux mots ne marchent pas pour dire ineffable, inexprimable ? Comment dit-on cela en anglais ?
5/"Life reserves us so many surprises !" much ne va pas ? pourquoi ? many convient-il mieux ?
Thank you for having corrected my mistakes !
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Modifié par truc le 26-10-2009 09:37
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de truc, postée le 31-10-2009 à 21:45:23 (S | E)
ma correction est-elle correcte ?
Réponse: Hyde park/Correction de truc, postée le 05-12-2009 à 11:25:50 (S | E)
non ?
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