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Cover letter for university
Message de kidcolor posté le 18-03-2009 à 22:51:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Je me suis appliqué à rédiger ma lettre de motivation, et j'aimerais votre aide pour d'éventuelles améliorations, concernant aussi bien la forme que le fond.
Merci beaucoup !!
< my name>
< my address >
March 15, 2009
< address of the university >
Dear Sir or Madam
Application for an International Business Course enrolment
In the framework of my professional project, which consists in working in international business, it seems very important to me to perform a part of my studies abroad.
Indeed, In addition to having confirmed my taste in business, my working experiences have familiarized me with the English language.
To study in England would be a great opportunity to benefit from a very international experience, to learn a new culture and to improve my English.
Besides, to get a Bachelor degree in England would allow me to get an internationally recognized diploma.
Your university has an excellent reputation both for the quality of its education and for the good studying conditions. Aside from having a pragmatic education through job-ready courses, (name of the school students are lucky to benefit from medium size classes and approachable teachers.
Besides, the (name of the school) is very located, what allows to study in a very nice environment.
Thus, I am really keen to attend this course from September 2009, and I would be most grateful if you could consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you and I thank you for considering my application. Should you need further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
(signature)
(full name)
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 18-03-2009 22:54
divers
Message de kidcolor posté le 18-03-2009 à 22:51:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Je me suis appliqué à rédiger ma lettre de motivation, et j'aimerais votre aide pour d'éventuelles améliorations, concernant aussi bien la forme que le fond.
Merci beaucoup !!
< my name>
< my address >
March 15, 2009
< address of the university >
Dear Sir or Madam
Application for an International Business Course enrolment
In the framework of my professional project, which consists in working in international business, it seems very important to me to perform a part of my studies abroad.
Indeed, In addition to having confirmed my taste in business, my working experiences have familiarized me with the English language.
To study in England would be a great opportunity to benefit from a very international experience, to learn a new culture and to improve my English.
Besides, to get a Bachelor degree in England would allow me to get an internationally recognized diploma.
Your university has an excellent reputation both for the quality of its education and for the good studying conditions. Aside from having a pragmatic education through job-ready courses, (name of the school students are lucky to benefit from medium size classes and approachable teachers.
Besides, the (name of the school) is very located, what allows to study in a very nice environment.
Thus, I am really keen to attend this course from September 2009, and I would be most grateful if you could consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you and I thank you for considering my application. Should you need further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
(signature)
(full name)
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 18-03-2009 22:54
divers
Réponse: Cover letter for university de brettdallen, postée le 18-03-2009 à 23:22:21 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Vous avez fait du bon travail, les lettres de motivation sont toujours très difficiles à construire.. je ne corrigerai pas grand chose..
Dear Sir or Madam
Application for an International Business Course enrolment
In the framework of my professional project, which consists in working in international business, it seems very important to me to perform a part of my studies abroad.
Indeed, In("in") addition to having confirmed my taste in business, my working experiences have familiarized me with the English language.
To study in(d'accord, ou "Studying in") England would be a great opportunity to benefit from a very(pourquoi "very"?) international experience, to learn a new culture and to improve my English.
Besides, to get (d'accord, ou "getting")a Bachelor degree in England would allow me to get an internationally recognized diploma.
Your university has an excellent reputation both for the quality of its education and for the good studying conditions. Aside from having a pragmatic education through job-ready courses, (name of the school students are lucky to benefit from medium size classes and approachable teachers.
Besides, the (name of the school) is very(well) located, what ("and this")allows to study in a very nice environment.
Thus, I am really keen to attend(voir "keen") this course from September 2009, and I would be most grateful if you could consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you and I thank you for considering my application. Should you need further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
(signature)
(full name)
Je le répète, l'ensemble est de très très bonne qualité!
Réponse: Cover letter for university de cecil_ward, postée le 26-03-2009 à 15:47:44 (S | E)
In the opening sentence, I don't understand the phrase
> In the framework of my professional project
at all. :-)
You are explaining your reasons, giving background or context information. You perhaps might wish to use something like
"As part of my [...], which consists .."
And I don't understand "my professional project", and this needs to be rephrased more clearly. The word "aim" might be useful?
> consists in
must be changed to "consists of", as the verb "consist" requires the preposition "of".
When you use the verb "consist" that you are giving information about parts, ingredients, constituents or similar, but anyway _plural_ items.
You probably need the verb "involves", so this would need to be changed to "which involves working in internation business", meaning that you are only telling the reader _one_ of the things or parts of your planned activities/educational needs or whatever.
It might mean that something simpler like "I am aiming for/studying for/towards a career in international business.." would be a good fit here?
> my taste in
needs to be changed to "my taste for" - a fixed expression "taste for (x)".
> Besides,
this doesn't read well, for reasons unclear to me at the moment. A comma plus "and" would read better.
> a pragmatic education
it could be that you need the word "practical" here (the opposite of the teaching of "theory")
> job-ready courses
I didn't understand the sense here. Clarify?
> .. is very well located, what allows
needs to be "is very well located, which allows".
> allows to study
a noun phrase is required here after "allows" in "allows .. to". You could rescue this by inserting "students" - "allows students to study in..", or by rephrasing as "would allow me to study in...".
