Correction/expression écrite
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Message de chichou41 posté le 26-10-2017 à 14:25:18 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
j'aurais besoin que quelqu'un m'aide à corriger les erreurs dans mon texte. Je me suis déjà relue plusieurs fois mais je sais que je rate souvent des erreurs...
Merci d'avance !
Le sujet : Technological progress is not always a progress. Comment.
Every forms of technological progress was first created in order to make life easier. Progress is civilizing the uncivilized, taming nature and not being at its mercy. Progress means more time for leisure and the opportunity to be wealthy and comfortable. But today more than ever, the benefits of technological progress is challenged. Is technological progress always a progress ?
First of all we have to admit that technological progress forms big threats to human society. Even if the discovery of new weapons such as firearms or even nuclear weapon was a tremendous progress back in time, today it is seen as a danger for our society. It can leads to massive attack – terrorism is a result of progress – and war. The tragedy of Tchernobyl is a perfect example of how progress can affect really badly humans.
Afterwards, while life expectancy goes up with the help of technological progress, health instead goes down. Nowadays, the scientific progress allows us to live more longer then before but what's the point of living much longer if we are less happier and healthier than ever. Technological progress attack our mental health by giving too much power to social media. We live in a society wich care more about generating money than taking care of the population. Mental breakdown, burnout, cyberbullying… These words directly result of this progress.
Finally technological progress don't care about environnemental issues. They create cars, nuclear power station and all of these equipements generate pollution and it has an impact on us. For exemple, nowadays people developped more allergie than before. Global warming is also one of the consequence of these behaviours. The earth is collapsing because of these technological progress.
In other words technological progress has conveniences but also negative effect. We can't denied the fact that progress has been useful to our society and still is. Progress will always have downsides, but as far as we know these downsides and try to restrict them progress will stay essential.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2017 18:37
Message de chichou41 posté le 26-10-2017 à 14:25:18 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
j'aurais besoin que quelqu'un m'aide à corriger les erreurs dans mon texte. Je me suis déjà relue plusieurs fois mais je sais que je rate souvent des erreurs...
Merci d'avance !
Le sujet : Technological progress is not always a progress. Comment.
Every forms of technological progress was first created in order to make life easier. Progress is civilizing the uncivilized, taming nature and not being at its mercy. Progress means more time for leisure and the opportunity to be wealthy and comfortable. But today more than ever, the benefits of technological progress is challenged. Is technological progress always a progress ?
First of all we have to admit that technological progress forms big threats to human society. Even if the discovery of new weapons such as firearms or even nuclear weapon was a tremendous progress back in time, today it is seen as a danger for our society. It can leads to massive attack – terrorism is a result of progress – and war. The tragedy of Tchernobyl is a perfect example of how progress can affect really badly humans.
Afterwards, while life expectancy goes up with the help of technological progress, health instead goes down. Nowadays, the scientific progress allows us to live more longer then before but what's the point of living much longer if we are less happier and healthier than ever. Technological progress attack our mental health by giving too much power to social media. We live in a society wich care more about generating money than taking care of the population. Mental breakdown, burnout, cyberbullying… These words directly result of this progress.
Finally technological progress don't care about environnemental issues. They create cars, nuclear power station and all of these equipements generate pollution and it has an impact on us. For exemple, nowadays people developped more allergie than before. Global warming is also one of the consequence of these behaviours. The earth is collapsing because of these technological progress.
In other words technological progress has conveniences but also negative effect. We can't denied the fact that progress has been useful to our society and still is. Progress will always have downsides, but as far as we know these downsides and try to restrict them progress will stay essential.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2017 18:37
Réponse : Correction/expression écrite de laure95, postée le 26-10-2017 à 18:11:54 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
-Every forms: every + singulier.
- the benefits of technological progress is challenged: faute de conjugaison (le sujet est au pluriel)
- technological progress forms big threats (mal dit)
- It can leads: can + infinitif.
- to massive attack (mettre au pluriel)
- The tragedy of Tchernobyl is a perfect example of how progress can affect really (really n'est pas à la bonne place)badly humans.
- health instead (instead n'est pas à la bonne place)goes down.
- Nowadays, the (pas de the)scientific progress
- more longer: revoir la formation du comparatif de supériorité.
- then (pas le bon mot ici)before
- We live in a society wich (orthographe)care (faute de conjugaison)
- nuclear power station (mettre au pluriel)
- exemple: orthographe.
- nowadays people developped (mettre au présent)more allergie
than before.- one of the consequence (mettre au pluriel)
- negative effect: mettre au pluriel.
- We can't denied: can't + infinitif.
- to restrict them (ce n'est pas un possessif)progress will stay essential.
Réponse : Correction/expression écrite de chichou41, postée le 26-10-2017 à 20:05:49 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !
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