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Message de gauthier22 posté le 08-10-2017 à 16:57:15 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Mon sujet est : écrire un article de presse à propos d'un "Okie" > habitant d'Oklahoma aux USA. (Et son voyage ver la Californie en passant par la route 66).
S'il y a des erreurs ce serait gentil de me le dire
Merci d'avance.
« TOWARDS FREEDOM »
The Story of a Migrant
In the 1930s, many people were fleeing the ecological disaster of the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. They migrated to California, hoping for a better life, mostly by way of highway 66. Approximately 15% of the population of Oklahoma emigrated.
Zachary is a « okie », it is a term that refers to an inhabitant or native of Oklahoma.
He told us his story :
Zachary lived in a small neighborhood of Oklahoma with his mother, his father had died as a result of an accident. He is 24 years old and works in a factory.
His choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation he had with friends. They told him that there were people who were taking route 66 to emigrate to California.
Zachary asked himself several questions about the complications of travel. But he finally decided to leave after convincing his mother to follow him.
He left the morning of April 26, 1930 in the direction of the Eden he had always dreamed of : California. Route 66 crosses the state of Oklahoma which was easier for him and his migrant friends to join this road. Zachary was leaving with a group of Okies he knew well. After a few days weariness, thirst, hunger already start to feel. Everyone was exhausting, and dryness did not help things. But with everyone's agreement and the pooling of goods and resources, each of them has survived. The more days passed the more they were weaker, but excited to discover their idyll.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-10-2017 18:29
Message de gauthier22 posté le 08-10-2017 à 16:57:15 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Mon sujet est : écrire un article de presse à propos d'un "Okie" > habitant d'Oklahoma aux USA. (Et son voyage ver la Californie en passant par la route 66).
S'il y a des erreurs ce serait gentil de me le dire
Merci d'avance.
« TOWARDS FREEDOM »
The Story of a Migrant
In the 1930s, many people were fleeing the ecological disaster of the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. They migrated to California, hoping for a better life, mostly by way of highway 66. Approximately 15% of the population of Oklahoma emigrated.
Zachary is a « okie », it is a term that refers to an inhabitant or native of Oklahoma.
He told us his story :
Zachary lived in a small neighborhood of Oklahoma with his mother, his father had died as a result of an accident. He is 24 years old and works in a factory.
His choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation he had with friends. They told him that there were people who were taking route 66 to emigrate to California.
Zachary asked himself several questions about the complications of travel. But he finally decided to leave after convincing his mother to follow him.
He left the morning of April 26, 1930 in the direction of the Eden he had always dreamed of : California. Route 66 crosses the state of Oklahoma which was easier for him and his migrant friends to join this road. Zachary was leaving with a group of Okies he knew well. After a few days weariness, thirst, hunger already start to feel. Everyone was exhausting, and dryness did not help things. But with everyone's agreement and the pooling of goods and resources, each of them has survived. The more days passed the more they were weaker, but excited to discover their idyll.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-10-2017 18:29
Réponse : Aide/texte de laure95, postée le 08-10-2017 à 17:18:30 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- many people were fleeing: tu peux mettre au prétérit simple.
- mostly by way of highway 66: using mostly highway 66.
- as a result of an accident: in an accident.
- His choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation he had (mettre au past perfect)with friends.
- people who were taking (préterit simple)route 66
- the complications of travel (ajouter -ing).
- Zachary was leaving (préterit simple)with a group of Okies he knew well.
- After a few days (mettre une virgule)weariness, thirst, hunger already start (préterit) to feel (pas nécessaire).
- Everyone was exhausting (mettre au participe passé),
- and dryness did not help things: mal dit.
- the more they were weaker: mal construit)
Réponse : Aide/texte de here4u, postée le 08-10-2017 à 18:01:07 (S | E)
Hello !
« TOWARDS FREEDOM »
The Story of a Migrant
In the 1930s, many people were fleeing the ecological disaster of the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. They migrated to California, hoping for a better life, mostly by way of highway 66. Approximately 15% of the population of Oklahoma emigrated.
Zachary is a « okie », it is a term that refers to an inhabitant or native of Oklahoma.
He told us his story :
Zachary lived in a small neighborhood of Oklahoma with his mother, his father had died as a result of an accident. He is 24 years old and works in a factory.
His choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation he had with friends. They told him that there were people who were taking route 66 to emigrate to California.
Zachary asked himself several questions about the complications of XXX travel (or turn the verb into a gerund). But he finally decided to leave after convincing his mother to follow him.
He left XX the morning of April 26, 1930 in the direction of the Eden he had always dreamed of : California. Route 66 crosses the state of Oklahoma which was easier for him and his migrant friends to join this road. Zachary was leaving with a group of Okies he knew well. After a few days, weariness, thirst, hunger already start to feel. Everyone was exhausting, and dryness did not help (things). But with everyone's agreement and the pooling of goods and resources, each of them has survived. The more days passed the more they were weaker, but XXX XXXX excited to discover their idyll.
Réponse : Aide/texte de gauthier22, postée le 08-10-2017 à 18:25:39 (S | E)
Voilà j'ai essayer de corriger sachant que j'avais mal compris il fallait que je parler à "je"
« TOWARDS FREEDOM »
The Story of a Migrant
In the 1930s, many people fled the ecological disaster of the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. They migrated to California, hoping for a better life, mostly highway 66. Approximately 15% of the population of Oklahoma emigrated.
Zachary is a « okie », it is a term that refers to an inhabitant or native of Oklahoma.
He told us his story :
I live in a small neighborhood of Oklahoma with my mother, my father is dead in a accident. I am 24 years old and I work in a factory.
My choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation I had with friends. They told me that there were people who took route 66 to emigrate to California.
I asked himself several questions about the complications of traveling. But I finally decided to leave after convincing his mother to follow me.
I left on the morning of April 26, 1930 in the direction of the Eden that I had always dreamed : California. Route 66 crosses the state of Oklahoma which was easier for me and my migrant friends to join this road. I left with a group of Okies I knew well. After a few days, weariness, thirst, hunger already started to feel. Everyone was exhausted, and dryness did not help things. But with everyone's agreement and the pooling of goods and resources, each of us has survived. The more days passed the more we were weak, but excited to discover our idyll.
Réponse : Aide/texte de gauthier22, postée le 08-10-2017 à 19:40:24 (S | E)
Merci à tous pour vos corrections
Voici mon texte fini
si quelqu'un peut le regarder ce serait cool
« TOWARDS FREEDOM »
The Story of a Migrant
In the 1930s, many people fled the ecological disaster of the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. They migrated to California, hoping for a better life, mostly highway 66. Approximately 15% of the population of Oklahoma emigrated.
Zachary is a « okie », it is a term that refers to an inhabitant or native of Oklahoma.
He told us his story :
« I live in a small neighborhood of Oklahoma with my mother, my father is dead in a accident. I am 24 years old and I work in a factory.
My choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation I had with friends. They told me that there were people who took route 66 to emigrate to California.
I asked himself several questions about the complications of traveling. But I finally decided to leave after convincing his mother to follow me.
I left on the morning of April 26, 1930 in the direction of the Eden that I had always dreamed : California. Route 66 crosses the state of Oklahoma which was easier for me and my migrant friends to join this road. I left with a group of Okies I knew well. After a few days, weariness, thirst, hunger already started to feel. Everyone was exhausted, and dryness did not help things. But with everyone's agreement and the pooling of goods and resources, each of us has survived. The more days passed the more we were weak, but excited to discover our idyll.
It was terrible when we arrived in California. I had just understand that our life going to change. There was a lot of people for welcome us. Me and my mother did not have a place to go, not a house, not a food. We were in the unknown location. So we have adapted to the Californian life. »
Réponse : Aide/texte de gerold, postée le 09-10-2017 à 07:42:18 (S | E)
Bonjour
« TOWARDS FREEDOM »
The Story of a Migrant
In the 1930s, many people fled the ecological disaster of the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. They migrated to California, hoping for a better life, mostly highway 66 (il doit manquer un ou plusieurs mots ici) . Approximately 15% of the population of Oklahoma emigrated.
Zachary is a « okie », it is a term that refers to an inhabitant or native of Oklahoma.
He told us his story :
« I live in a small neighborhood of Oklahoma with my mother, my father is dead (plutôt "to die" au prétérit) in a accident. I am 24 years old and I work in a factory.
My choice to leave Oklahoma came from a conversation I had (past perfect) with friends. They told me that there were people who took route 66 to emigrate to California.
I asked himself ("I") several questions about the complications of traveling. But I finally decided to leave after convincing his (la mère de qui?) mother to follow me.
I left on the morning of April 26, 1930 in the direction of the Eden that I had always dreamed (il manque un mot) : California. Route 66 crosses the state of Oklahoma which was easier for me and my migrant friends to join this road. I left with a group of Okies I knew well. After a few days, weariness, thirst, hunger already started to feel. Everyone was exhausted, and dryness did not help things. But with everyone's agreement and the pooling of goods and resources, each of us has survived (avec l' accord de tous ... chacun a survécu???). The more days passed the more we were weak (revoir), but excited to discover our idyll.
It was terrible when we arrived in California. I had just understand (participe passé) that our life (il manque quelque chose) going to change. There was a lot of people for welcome us. Me and my mother (ma mère et moi, pas "me") did not have a place to go, not a house, not a food. We were in the unknown location ??). So we have adapted to the Californian life, (nous avons dû nous adapter ...peut-être?), (le dernier paragraphe n'a pas beaucoup de sens, il y a beaucoup de gens pour les accueillir et néanmoins ils manquent de tout??) »
Le titre « TOWARDS FREEDOM » est-il de vous? Il n'a pas beaucoup de sens non plus, ils fuient des conditions de vie difficiles, pas une oppression quelconque.
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